Are you ready to learn a ton about me, how I think, why I do the things I do and much more? I'm going to break it all down using the help of my personality type, the INFJ. For a couple of years now I've been reading up all I can about my personality type and I am astonished at how accurate the data is. It's not 100% perfect, but what is? I think for the most part I fit the personality to a tee! So below I am going to list several traits and behaviors of my type and discuss how I fit them. Get ready to go to Ed-school.
For the record: INFJ stands for Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling and Judging. It is one of 16 personality types from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment test. I learned of the test a few years back and I've taken it 10 times I believe. 9 times out of ten it's come out INFJ. One time it came out INTJ, but I figure 9 times out of 10 is pretty darn convincing... so here we go
"INFJs, making up an estimated 1% of all people, are the most rare type (males even more so). They are introspective, caring, sensitive, gentle and complex people that strive for peace and derive satisfaction from helping others. INFJs are highly intuitive, empathetic and dedicated listeners. These traits tend to act as a "tell me what's wrong" sign on their forehead, hence the nicknames Confidant, Counselor or Empath. INFJs are intensely private and deeply committed to their beliefs."
-This is what I thought I'd start you off with. I cannot dispute any of the above when it comes to me. Despite the fact that I share so much of myself through these blogs, I am intensely private and there is no one who knows close to everything about me. It's not because I like keeping secrets. I don't, and it's not like I have all of these skeletons in my closet, I don't. I guess I've always been waiting for that right person to come along who I will trust everything in my heart and soul to.
"INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others."
-I often refer to myself as a student of life. I'm always trying to understand people, beginning with myself. I wonder who really are my friends, what people's motives are and why things happen how they happen.
"INFJs are quiet, private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Although very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner."
-This is so right on. If it's me and maybe 1 or 2 other people I am very chatty and engaging. When there are perhaps 5 or more people in the group I sit back and absorb. People who know me from huge group things probably think I am quiet but people who know me on a 1 on 1 basis know I am anything but.
"INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life, which they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions, and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well-liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types. However, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and so tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal this except to their closest companions. INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits", rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset"
-People hurt me all the time whether it's a casual jab, getting my hopes up and letting me down or any number of things. I don't tell them that what happens hurts me because I am afraid of the reaction. I swallow hard and say, it's okay. If it's something big that happens to me, well that's very different but I know I am far more sensitive than most and because of that I hurt more than I let on. I'm hoping one day to meet someone kind and loving who will be sensitive to my feelings as I would be to theirs.
When I get hurt enough times or when I feel like I lose interest in people I do withdraw silently. I hate confrontations and if a friendship or relationship isn't what I expected it to be, I fade away. It's why I have so few close friends. Many people don't make the cut in the long run and I am okay with that. I don't miss too many. Plus many times things happen and people move away, find a new circle of friends or hang out in different circles. When that occurs I'll drift away. I figure, out of sight out of mind. Even if I don't see you for ages, I'll still consider us friends and I'd help you out in a second if you needed it but on the other hand, I'm not going to make much effort to be friendly. I'm sorry but I don't have the capacity to maintain a ton of friendships with how much I put into them.
"INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world, but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired."
-My behavior can puzzle a person, that's for sure. Some nights we'll be out and something will happen that I might only notice and then poof, I'm gone. I can't always explain why I "feel" things. Sometimes I need to write immediately because I'm easily inspired. Sometimes I leave hastily because I'm easily hurt or I get bad vibes at a place or a situation. I don't always understand it myself, but I feel what I feel and my feelings can cause me to react quickly and impulsively.
"INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soulmates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type."
-I worry about whether my friends like me and heaven forbid when I have a crush on a female. Talk about deeply concerned with our relations! The worry over my relationships can exhaust me sometimes and to have to socialize can do the same. Sometimes when I am out with a bunch of friends I go quiet for 10-15 minutes at a time. This is me recharging on the fly. I don't want to go home and be a party pooper but at the same time socializing is draining for me. If I hang out with lots of people for a few days straight I often need a day or two alone to decompress. I am a true introvert but I can turn on the wit and charm when needed, as long as I don't have to pull it off all the time.
"Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type."
-On several occasions I've talked to someone for a few minutes and never spoken to them again. My reasoning for this is that I detected bad energy or vibes if you will, about that person. It doesn't mean they aren't a decent person. It doesn't mean they aren't entertaining but I'll only let in those of high quality character and sincerity. My standards are very high whether it's friends or lovers. I feel like my instincts are sharp and I trust them more than anything. The only time my instincts get clouded or I am not as sharp is when there is a heartbreaking story involved. My empathy can overwhelm my instincts and make me quite naïve so I can be duped by someone using their misfortunes and pain for gain.
"Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths."
-I dunno, I like to write. :)
"INFJs place great importance on having things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, they operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk."
-I do have a very messy desk! BUT it is organized completely... as strange as that sounds. I do plan things out and look for the best ways to do a task. I don't like wasted energy. If I am in the middle of something and I think of a better way to do it, I have no problem changing course in the name of efficiency. I will admit I am an organizing freak.
"INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized."
-I will say that I have strong intuition about many things. I will not say I have psychic abilities. If I do, I have no idea how to use them so I'm just going to assume I do not. I will also mention that when I get "feelings" about things in the present moment, I can't always explain why I feel the way I do about them.
"But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress."
-I have avoided conflicts many times only to get a cold, or have my immune system break down a bit. I often let myself hurt than allow a loved one to feel pain. I'll sacrifice a lot for the people I care about. I withhold feelings sometimes so not to make the other person feel uncomfortable or unequal. I struggle with it but I get by. I find most conflicts silly and if someone could get me into an argument or disagreement I will often agree to disagree or back down as long as the conflict doesn't compromise any of my ideals.
"Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubbornness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in most ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals."
-I have certainly been called stubborn in the past. I don't always accept being wrong that well, especially if I were convinced I was right. But on the other hand, I study my mistakes meticulously so that I won't repeat them. It's not just being wrong, it's finding out why I was wrong. What thought process led me to the wrong conclusion... what was I mistaken about? Perhaps that's the perfectionist in me. Those of you who know me know that I have a strong value system, and I am gentle and easy going so I guess that explains that.
"The INFJ (Counselor) has an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes."
-This is true. One of the few times I like to be in groups or work with groups is when we are doing meaningful work. I cannot stand superficial interaction. I'm also found to be crying at stories in the news or in the paper of sadness and tragedy despite not knowing the people involved. My love for people is intense and deep while not entirely personal.
"Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way."
-I always knew I was a poet! Actually in all seriousness I don't really have any commentary on this passage, I just like it a lot.
"Leisure-time pursuits for INFJs are often solitary or involve the company of others who are particularly important to them. Sitting around with dear friends discussing feelings can be very special to INFJs. INFJs are likely to have friends of long standing rather than make many new acquaintances. They may meet with their friends fairly consistently to share what is happening in their lives. It is sometimes difficult for others to break into this circle. These deep friendships are important, even though INFJs may not share much directly about themselves."
-I do have a small core of great friends, most of whom I've known for nearly 20 years. I have some newer friends that I've made along the way but they rank below my closest, oldest friends. Then there are people I know. I know a lot of people, and I'd consider them friends in the most shallow use of the term and I do not mean that in a derogatory way, it just that I let so few in and those I have, I have an EXTENSIVE history with. We've exchanged opinions, feelings and meaningful dialogue so many times, it's hard to put anyone who I've never done that with on the same level. Unless one departs from my life, I'm often not looking for new friends but I will make exceptions for extraordinary people... however, I probably only meet 2 or 3 of those a year.
"For INFJs, 'still waters run deep.' They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. The depth of involvement and feeling that the INFJ has toward loved ones is only partially communicated outward. At times, when alone, INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner. They may not openly demonstrate or even verbalize their intense feelings. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or mate reveal flaws. INFJs enjoy sharing activities like a regular 'date,' revisiting the place where they first met their mates, or doing other symbolic things that help to continue and confirm the existence of the bond that they feel for their partner."
-I rarely ever really fall for someone. I could still count the number on one hand. But when I do I fall hard, I fall fast and I fall deep. I try not to tell the person for a long time because it can all be too much and I don't want to scare someone I care about away. Perhaps in some way I get embarrassed I've fallen so deeply for someone before I would have planned to, or before they've fallen for me. Perhaps I am afraid of getting hurt so I don't lay it on the line.
"INFJs want to give love and to be loved. They become very focused, intense, and direct in that pursuit. INFJs are warm, considerate lovers who feel great depth of love for their partners. They enjoy showing this love, and want to receive affirmation back from their mates. Without their warmth reciprocated to some degree, they can often go the other way and begin to distance themselves from that person."
-I give so freely and easily to people that I love and care for and it hurts me greatly when they give nothing back. It feels like rejection and to this end, I start to avoid them and phase them out of my life. Combine my INFJ personality with the fact that I am a Leo and you have someone here who needs attention and affection. I need to be reminded that you care because I am constantly thinking of ways to try to show you that I care for you. It's not something I have to do but something I want to do. It's the essence of who I am.
"Sexually, INFJs view intimacy as a nearly spiritual experience. They embrace the opportunity to bond heart and soul with their mates. As service-oriented individuals, it's very important to them that their mates are happy. Intimacy is an opportunity for the INFJ to selflessly give their love, and experience it in a tangible way."
-This pretty much says it. I am a generous lover who views intimacy as a spiritual act. While it can be just about sex or passion sometimes, most of the time it's about more than that to me. It's about souls, hearts and energy connecting. I remember a funny and rather embarrassing story where I injured my tongue once because I was trying so hard to please someone I cared about intimately. It wasn't a serious injury FYI but I still think about it and laugh.
"INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. One INFJ explained, "People can do the most outrageous things, yet I blame myself for triggering their behavior or not recognizing it. I see myself as responsible for relationships. Other people can dismiss them --- I'm not able to." INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshal their resources, externalized their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long periods of self-examination."
-This is where I overanalyze the hell out of a moment. I wonder what I did wrong and how I was able to do it. If I come to the conclusion I did do something wrong and fractured a relationship I blame myself and feel tremendous guilt for a long period of time.
"INFJs focus on possibilities, think in terms of values and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (1 percent) is regrettable, since INFJs have unusually strong drive to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their fellow men. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people. The INFJ is gifted quite differently that other personality types. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.
-So this is me. I'm a complex guy who is easy to please.
Oh and I found more data about me and my kind:
INFJs:
value personal integrity and "being true to yourself"
are on a lifelong search for a unique identity and meaning; spirituality is important to us
can be hard to get to know, depending on the other person (reciprocity)
are sometimes seen by others as cold and hard on the outside
can be difficult to "peg"; sometimes INFJs may not even recognize fellow members of their own type
may find it easier to express their deepest feelings and sentiments non-verbally or in writing
abhor evil or injustice, especially that directed towards the innocent or helpless
are sometimes looked upon by others as naive, mostly due to our idealism
can be quite gullible; many INFJs build up a protective armor over the years to protect against this and being "used" by others
enjoy thoughtful discussion but dislike arguing for argument's sake, as this often degenerates into ugly conflict
are bookworms, love bookstores and libraries
are affiliative; get stressed and cannot survive for extended periods without company
rarely get into conflict, but when it erupts, can be very bitter
aren't terribly career-minded
love personality tests and other self-improvement tools
Love quotes/quotations and are often "philosophers" or "theologists" ;)
need to confide in others and express opinions and feelings about others
Are "Directors" who give advice, though usually more subtly than most other Directors.
are interested in ESP, paranormal, "new age," or psychic experiences
"Mute withdrawal is a major INFJ defense."
often have "oceanic" memories where details are recalled through intuitive leaps and thought association
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