When I was little I looked up to 4 older brothers. I
guess that goes without saying, I was a kid- what could I do? They were a lot older
and bigger than I was. The youngest of the four had 9 years on me! But I looked up to them
in more ways than one. I looked to them for advice, for bonding, for all of the
things I could not get from our dad and more. My brothers were vital to me. While
each of them was different, they were all larger than life to me. Our dad was a
larger than life character too, but it wasn’t the same. He was “dad” and ask
any teenager, parents are lame. There’s a lack of mystery with parents. You see
them all the time. Don’t get me wrong, you look up to them, but you don’t want
to be just like them, at least not at that age. My brothers on the other hand,
were something else entirely. They were like superheroes to me. I wanted to be
a superhero too. One day I wanted to be like Bryan, the next like Lawrence.
They were this collective of awesome guys each with their own, unique superpower.
My brother Raymond was the crazy one. It seemed to me
like he would do anything, at anytime. When he saw me he would pick me up with
as much joy and love as any person could muster. He would also scare me to
death. I think I would scream out every time he hoisted me up and showed me
that love. I was always happy to see him despite the inevitable super hugs and
liftoff. The truth was, I always felt safe and loved around him, especially
after he put me down. Sometimes he apologized when he saw me because he had
nothing to give me, but I never cared. His love was enough. Unfortunately we
lost him in 1988 but he’ll always remind me that we all have to get a little crazy
sometimes. It’s good for our sanity.
My brother Bryan was the cool one. I’ve written
extensively about him in the past. He was the one who opened up the world to
me, taking me to places like Bills training camp, my first movies, concerts,
games and malls. Dad never liked to go anywhere but Bryan introduced me to the
world outside my neighborhood and taught me to enjoy many things that I probably
never would have discovered on my own. When we lost him in 2012 it was like a
knife in my gut. I’d like to think that the coolness he possessed rubbed off on
me and all the nephews, nieces, cousins and children he loved. He reminds me to
be cool, keep my cool and never to let anyone who thinks I’m not cool convince
me otherwise.
My brother Jose is the smart one. There was a time where
I didn’t think there was much more to life than sports, music and movies. He
taught me a lot about life outside of those things. He taught me a lot about
humanity, about forgiveness, about compassion. I remember as a teenager he gave
me plenty to think about during a time where I might have been prone to doing too
many things without thinking. He taught me to ask questions but I never
questioned the love he’s had for this family. He reminds me to think, to wonder,
to hope and to not be afraid to expand my horizons.
My brother Lawrence was the fun one. If you needed to be
cheered up, if you needed to forget about your problems for a while, he was
your guy. Every time I went to his house it seemed like it was a party. I
remember leaving several times thinking; does he do this every night?!? Like
Raymond he had a penchant for picking me up off the ground when I was little,
except Lawrence would pick me up and perform pro wrestling maneuvers on me,
like an airplane spin. I would beg to be put back down and he would just laugh
and laugh. And oh my god that laugh. If you were in a bad mood, he could melt
it with that laugh. I don’t know anyone who ever got more of their money’s
worth with a laugh as he did. But it was more than the enjoyment of torturing
his baby brother. I admired how unlike our dad, he didn’t take life so serious
all the time. For that reason, if you were spending moments with him you were
all but guaranteed a good time. Speaking of which, I’ll never forget when I was
younger and I got to spend many nights over at his place. I always had a blast.
I’ll never forget his generosity. I’ll also never forget the “loving” threats.
I don’t know if he ever really meant those threats but at the time, I never
thought it was a good idea to test him and find out. I believe the last one he
gave me was for being a smartass with him to which he replied; “I may be
getting old but I’ll still kick your ass.” For all his tough talk, I knew he
had a sensitive side and a deeper love of family and friends than most people
I’ve ever met. Again, like Raymond I think he’d do anything for anyone he cared
about and that’s probably why so many people cared about him. I remember long
ago when I helped him paint his house “lilac”. At the time, I thought it was an
odd choice to paint a house purple. I questioned him about the choice of color,
but only one time. I don’t remember exactly what he said but he, in his
charming no-nonsense way assured me that I should shut up and get back to
painting, probably at the risk of my ass getting kicked. We painted almost the
whole day. That night, he treated me and everyone else who helped paint to a
feast of pretty much everything we wanted. That was him, tough but tender.
He’ll always remind me to have fun, to not take life too seriously and by all
means he’ll remind me to laugh.
Together the crazy one, the cool one, the smart one and
the fun one made up one hell of a team. As the years have gone by, I grew and
was literally no longer looking up to them. By then I realized my brothers were
not superheroes, they were just men. They had flaws, made mistakes and they
were not invincible. But one thing they all had & have in abundance is
love... and that is their real superpower. A legacy of love can’t be defeated.
It can’t be forgotten. It can’t be lost. It is indestructible and it is
eternal. These are good men and now as I say goodbye to Lawrence, I’m left with
a sadness that I won’t be able to hear that laugh anytime soon, but at the same
time I’m sure Bryan, Raymond and Wanda are absolutely thrilled that they will…
and that comforts me. Thank you Lawrence for all the love, all the good times,
the memories, the jokes (good and bad)… and for being someone worth looking up
to.
