Have you ever…
liked something you used to dislike, even hate? Maybe come
to realize something wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be? It happens to me
all the time and I’m proud of this. Discovering things, rediscovering things
and discovering that I was wrong about other things are what fuel me. It makes
me feel young and alive. The funny thing is, when I was young this wasn’t the
case. I was playing it pretty close to the vest back then. That’s not to say I
was narrow minded in those days, just proud, inexperienced and maybe even
timid. Well, perhaps I was both narrow minded and timid in kind of a cause and
effect type of way. I was inexperienced so I had little idea of all the
wonderful things out there but at the same time my mind wasn’t as open and
wasn’t as humble as it is now so all those “wonderful” things could have passed
right by my nose and I wouldn’t have noticed. I just wasn’t aware. They say
ignorance is bliss but I say ignorance is lazy… and wrong. A quote that I made
up a long time ago was “I don’t miss the things I don’t know”. I still think
this is true but I have to remind myself not to use this rationale to make
excuses for not trying things when I think I originally thought it up to make
myself feel better about missing out on something that already happened. When I
discover something great that had been available to me for a long time but for
some reason I didn’t try I always have a laugh and wonder, where I was all that
time? But it’s not always that easy. Sometimes our resources are limited and we
miss out on things due to lack of time, money and there are many other reasons…
but sometimes it boils down to a simple reason; we just aren’t ready yet.
When I think about it now, I know when I was younger I
wasn’t ready for a lot of things. Remember when we were teenagers and we thought
we knew everything? It’s not a regrettable offense; it’s just human nature and
a part of growing up. When you are a kid, like say 7 years old you know
absolutely nothing. You can barely do basic things. Plus I think you know you
know nothing and that’s why at that age we have serious heroes, interests and
look up to people in a pure and innocent all or nothing kind of way. But by the
time you get 17 or 18 you’ve learned so much and travelled so far from that
little kid who knew nothing that you feel like you are ready to be an adult. Purity
and innocence have been replaced or maybe infiltrated by many subtle layers.
Things aren’t as easily defined as good or bad; now there’s kinda good, okay, both
good and bad at the same time and even bad meaning good. There are “good” lies,
necessary evil and exceptions to every rule. You think, I’ve learned so much
and the journey already has been so great, how much more can there be? Honestly,
you feel like you know everything necessary to grow and prosper. By that age
you probably have had a job, tried alcohol, driven a car, maybe even had sex.
You think; hey I got this thing figured out, I’ve tried the major stuff and I
know what I like and what I want. The hard stuff is over. Then we face the
sobering reality that the hard stuff is just beginning and there are still
volumes to learn. That’s why it never ends for parents. When they are small the
kids need constant attention. As they age they get curious and adventurous as
they have to figure out their limits and bounds (sometimes several times) and
then when you as a parent finally think they’ve grown up to the point where
they no longer need constant supervision and you no longer need to worry about
them breaking stuff (including themselves), they become the biggest pain of
all. They think they have it all figured out and don’t need you that much
anymore. So you go from being a primary part of your child’s daily life to a
supporting role, sometimes even a fringe character wondering how they are and
what they are thinking as they strut their way through the final steps to
adulthood with their newly discovered thirst for independence fueling them. They
think, I’m figuring it all out and more importantly I’m figuring it all out on
my own.
But what happens to that growing child throughout their
teens, twenties and beyond is that if their eyes are looking and their minds
are open, there’s still a nearly infinite amount of things they can learn about
not only the world but themselves. Some cups are bigger than others and when
yours is full you are no longer thirsty. As I went through my twenties my
thirst only grew and when I was ready I traded in my coffee mug sized cup for a
Big Gulp! Perhaps as I get older I might trade down from my Big Gulp to a large
glass but I don’t think I am ready yet. The point is there’s as much out there
for you as you are ready for.
Sometimes a situation occurs where I feel a certain way
about something and then I think back to try to remember where and when I originally
felt that way and quite often I either can’t remember why I feel the way I do
or I made up my mind so long ago I have to wonder if I honestly need to
revaluate my feelings. While I can sometimes appreciate a lazy body, I don’t
like a lazy mind. Just think of how much we go through in a week, a year?
Things change all around us and whether we are aware of it or not, we do too. Those
opinions we had back then need to grow and evolve with us.
Recently I was talking about writing with a friend and I was
saying how I almost never feel something I’ve written is finished whether we
are talking about a story, a poem, even a blog. Why? Because I have never been
smarter, wiser and more skilled than I am at this moment. Right now, I’m the
most awesome I’ve ever been. Yesterday: I was close, 2 weeks ago: I was on the
right track, 2 months ago: I had a pretty good idea, 2 years ago: what was I
thinking? I must have been an idiot then. This is how I usually feel about my
work. I think other people; especially other creative souls may feel the same.
I might look back at this blog in a few years and think I need to tweak it or
even that I had it all wrong and then want to re-write the whole thing. I guess
it’s a perfectionist aspect of my personality and it’s why I’m usually never
satisfied with my work, why I don’t always take compliments well and why I
always want to hang on so tightly to the best moments. I’m better than I used
to be but I still have a ways to go… like I said, perfectionist.
Now with the mindset of never being more on top of things
than I am at this moment how could I really know if I still feel the same about
something I last had an opinion on 5 years ago? Ok, maybe some things are
beyond re-thought; I’m going to go out on a limb and state that I will always
be pro-choice, pro-art, pro-sports, anti-ignorance, anti-hate and anti-gun. I
think I will always like chocolate, Pepsi, pizza, raspberry Zingers and pina
coladas but who knows? You never can tell when you’ll be ready to change. There
were times where I thought I felt a certain way and then poof, my mindset shifted.
Sometimes it was quick, other times it took years and some things even snuck up
on me. I guess this wouldn’t be as fun if I didn’t share some examples. Are you
ready?
Music: To this day there are still bands I can’t stand… Led
Zeppelin comes to mind. I’ve just always disliked Robert Plant. Musically I
think they are amazing but if you can’t get past the singer, oh well. I can’t
stand Kid Rock, mostly because I have good taste (now now Mr. Music snob) and
don’t get me started about the pop singers of today and recent times. I just
feel like most of their work is pretty mindless and sounds more to me of what
someone thinks pop music should sound like than like real pop music, if that
makes sense. Remember when music used to tell stories and inspire us? Before
you go and say pop music has always been shallow and without substance I submit
to you Waterfalls by TLC, Adele’s last record (even though I’m not really a fan)
and many others. Sure music should be fun but let’s not forget the other
reasons why it’s important. The excess in songs and our single-driven (as
opposed to album-driven) marketing seem to me as merely a reflection of the
times… laziness, entitlement and short attention spans. Everybody wants
everything right now and no one wants to work to get there or write something
meaningful but I digress… this is a rant for another time but I do wonder, are
there Kid Rock days in my future? Right now I certainly hope not, but we don’t
know for certain.
Back to the topic at hand, I remember it took me a LONG time
to get into Oasis. At first I thought they were these sniveling rip-off punks. Then
one day, I heard one of their older songs and said; you know this isn’t half
bad. I haven’t gone out and bought their whole catalog but I don’t run for the
hills either when they come on now. Simon & Garfunkel are another one. I
only got into them this year, about 45 years late but in my defense I wasn’t
around 45 years ago. It’s not that I didn’t like them… I was just oblivious to
them. I guess I wasn’t ready to “hear” them until this year. I didn’t like the Beatles
until the late 90’s… maybe my dislike of Oasis drove me towards an appreciation
for the real thing. When I think about it now it seems inconceivable to have
not liked the Beatles but once upon a time I didn’t. My change of heart on the
Beatles goes deeper than that. It is customary to have Paul as your favorite
Beatle first, then you move on to John who is possibly the coolest guy ever but
then a funny thing happens… George sneaks up on you. I’ve been listening to the
George songs more and more and I’m starting to have a soft spot for him. I
guess that puts me at stage 3 of Beatlemania. Stage 4 is when I start believing
Ringo is the greatest, but let’s face it, no one thinks that. Stage 4 must be
something else. I guess I’ll tell you when I get there. I swear I discover an
old band almost as frequently as I discover a new one and that is a very beautiful
thing.
Film: As a kid I used to think “old” films were 1970’s
films. I wouldn’t watch anything in black and white except maybe Night of the
Living Dead. For some reason I thought old black and white films were dull, boring,
dated and didn’t offer me much. I actually lived most of my life thinking that
I’d rather catch up on Val Kilmer’s back catalog then checking out Hitchcock classics.
It wasn’t until a few years ago when I discovered the Screening Room and UB’s
film seminar series that I finally saw some of them. Since then I’ve seen many classic
films for the first time: Casablanca, The Maltese Falcon, Night of the Hunter, The
Man Who Knew Too Much, Charade, African Queen, The Burmese Harp, The Portrait
of Dorian Grey and others and not only did I greatly enjoy them, I now own some
of them with more on the way. I really had no idea. I’m ashamed for having felt
how I did. There’s something magical about the actors “acting”, you know
without the use of CGI, effects and toys. Great actors in those days could emit
so much emotion in a simple facial expression. It was a simple formula; a good
story with good actors and good scenery. You didn’t need anything else. Vocal
skills and body language were the best and most useful tools an actor possessed
in those days. These days I guess you still see that kind of acting in the
theater, not the big screen. I wish I had jumped aboard the classic film
bandwagon sooner but you are ready when you are ready. Instead of thumbing my
nose and shaking my head now I find these old films so powerful, compelling and
timeless even if the films are dated.
Food & Drink: During the past few years I’ve overcome
what was a lifelong dislike of broccoli and now it’s one of my favorite
veggies. I can’t stand applesauce despite the fact I love apples and
apple-flavored things although this comes from when my parents used applesauce
to hide nasty medication from me when I was little. I guess I’m not ready to
shake my feelings about it yet. I used to love tomatoes as a kid but now I can
barely stand them. Taste is a weird thing. You think it’s simple; I like this
and I don’t like this, but then your feelings change. I find this absolutely
fascinating. This leads me to my most recent discovery: veggie burgers. In the
past I’ve tried some, usually the frozen supermarket kind and I’ve hated them. I’ve
tried them pan-fried and cooked from a grill. It didn’t matter. They were so
bland and I found them disgusting, especially when compared with a delicious
90% lean ground beef burger, seasoned and cooked just right. Perhaps that was
the problem. Perhaps I bit into a veggie burger expecting a Big Mac and when I
didn’t get it, I was disappointed. But now that my tongue has matured I can accept
the veggie burger and the beef burger for the beautiful things that each of
them are. Yes my tongue and taste have matured. I know that sounds ridiculous
but I don’t know how else to say it. I mean it’s probably more about the
psychological than the way those things actually taste. Or maybe I just recently
had a really good veggie burger that opened my eyes. I’d like to think it’s a
combination of all those things. A great veggie burger and a mind that was
ready to receive it. It was time.
There are some things where I wonder if I’ll ever be ready?
Take white socks… no seriously take them. I switched from white socks to black
socks sometime around 1992. Perhaps it was Mike Tyson, the Michigan Fab Five or
who knows but one day then it occurred to me that white socks, especially in
the warmer months when wearing shorts with them were the dorkiest thing in the
world. I couldn’t stand the look of my feet in them. So I bought black socks.
They felt cool and I felt a little rebellious wearing them. So I kept wearing
them. Now 20 years later I still wear black socks 95% of the time. This year I
bought some gray ones, 3 pairs. I will wear them without hesitation when I am
wearing pants but when I have shorts on… well, I don’t know if I’m ready yet.
They still look and feel dorky to me. It’s an ongoing process. Maybe one day.
I’ve heard as people age they close their minds. Some close
them a little and some slam them completely shut. I can feel it happening to me
slightly as I better understand the value of time. Life is short and frankly I
just don’t have the time to try as many things as I’d like to plus my older,
crankier self doesn’t have the patience I did 10 years ago when I would suffer
through a rainstorm to get a rainbow. My older, wiser, craftier self either
tries to time it where I arrive right after the storm when the rainbow appears or
I just wait for people to post photos of it on social media. Now don’t get me
wrong, just because I’ve downshifted doesn’t mean I’m hitting the brakes. I
never plan to. To me the best things in life are the little things, and they
are out there, waiting to be discovered and/or rediscovered. Maybe I don’t find
the quantity I used to but I still seek out the quality. I’ll never stop
seeking. The day I stop looking to grow, evolve and discover is probably the
day I’m gone and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for that.
