Maybe you realize you watch too much television when you start making up silly lists like coming up with your top ten favorite television characters. When that happens it's probably time to put down the remote and read a book. I mean, who does that? So here's my list:
My ten favorite television characters:
1. Shawn Spencer and Burton (Gus) Guster (Psych) - I simply cannot put these guys down as separate characters. They function as one zany crime fighting unit on what I consider to be my favorite show on television. Their banter and antics leave me in stitches and no one on television makes me happier.
2. Dr. John J.D. Dorian (Scrubs) – The fantasies, the daydreaming, and the sensitive side… it’s something I relate with completely. There’s few on television or film that I relate to so easily. One of my goals in life is to try an appletini because of J.D.
3. Dr. Gregory House (House) – He’s the brilliant cantankerous diagnostic doctor of what I feel is the best medical drama ever. The beauty of the show is that they do just enough or maybe Hugh Laurie does just enough to make House an endearing character that we as an audience can feel for despite the selfishness and mean spirited behavior. That’s not easy to do and that’s why House is one of the best characters on TV.
4. Neil Caffrey (White Collar) – Neil is a master forger and a damn fine thief and con artist. As you would expect, he’s a real charmer to boot. If there was anyone I would emulate when it comes to style and fashion, it Neil Caffrey. He’s clever, resourceful and the bad guy who’s now doing the right thing… well, most of the time.
5. Michael Weston (Burn Notice) – Speaking of bad boys gone good, Michael Weston might be the best television example of this. A burned spy who did countless unspeakable things for many years, he’s now turned into a Robin Hood like character who helps victims and the unfortunate fight back against hitmen, gangs, drug dealers, cartels and the like. Plus he does it all with style and cool.
6. Dr. Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds) – Spencer is the coolest nerd on television, full of interesting facts and explanations about things that most people don’t want to hear. Often a member of the team has to get him to stop rambling on about something he finds incredibly fascinating but the intended person does not.
7. Abby Sciuto (NCIS) – The ultimate forensic specialist who sleeps in a coffin, bowls with nuns and drinks Caf-Pow like water, Abby is warm hearted, fiercely loyal and determined to always find the answers. She’s probably the coolest female in television and always so cute in those pigtails.
8. Sam Axe (Burn Notice) – Sam is an FBI agent who reports on Michael Weston’s activities, although he is also one of Mike’s best friends and assists him in nearly every job he takes on. Sam can usually be found romancing a rich widow or having some cold ones on a patio. His wisecracking and charm are a direct result of him being played by the awesome Bruce Campbell.
9. Detective Olivia Benson (Law & Order SVU) – Benson is so compelling due to Mariska Hargitay’s amazing acting and also due to the backstory of the character. Benson is the daughter of a rapist and her mom kept her despite being raped. Now she is a detective in the Special Victims Unit helping solve crimes, which mostly consist of rapes. She is a no nonsense empathetic public servant and wears her pain on her sleeve and shows a deep passion for justice and solving these sex crimes.
10. Mozzie (White Collar) – Mozzie is the ultra paranoid, extremely resourceful best friend of Neil Caffrey. His distrust of the government is both obvious (always referring to the FBI agents as “suits” even calling agent Burke’s wife, Mrs. Suit) and hilarious (while putting up Agent Burke at his hangout “Mi casa es Suit casa”). Mozzie adds a wonderful soft hearted and realistic element to the driven yet dreamy Caffrey. His appearances in episodes always make me smile.
Honorable Mention: Dr. Percival Cox (Scrubs), Detective Zack Nichols (Law & Order CI), Mary Shannon (In Plain Sight), Leroy Jethro Gibbs (NCIS), Leopold Butters Stotch (South Park), Temperance “Bones” Brennan (Bones), Alan Harper (Two and a Half Men), Dexter Morgan (Dexter)
Who are some of your favorite TV characters?
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 40) - "Elmwood Festival of the Arts"
Sometimes art sucks you in. I meant to only catch a few songs by the Latin Jazz Project and then head over for the puppet show halfway across the festival but boy did they play a great song. Then they played another and another and before I knew it, it was 5 and the festival was closing. I missed the puppet show and on top of that all the booths and food vendors were closing up shop. I had designs on getting one last bit of food before leaving but when we made it to the food court there was a band playing on the sidewalk in front of it and better than that there was a guy I had saw just last night tearing the roof off at the Battle @ Buffalo and then with his ballet style dance troupe on the main stage a few hours before breaking it down right in front of this band. He was mixing breakdancing and acrobatics just like he did in the battle and we had to stop and check it out. He was flipping, contorting, and doing things I’d only seen on videos before last night.
We stood there for about 10 minutes locked in admiration. When I turned back around to face the food court after the awesome display I noticed many of the food vendors were closed. We were on our way down Elmwood to Caffe Aroma anyway, so it was no big deal. I’d just get a Panini or something there. I dropped a few bucks in the bands’ open guitar case and we continued down the street as everyone packed up their food, art, jewelry and other wares and were inching closer to returning the street of Elmwood to its’ normal traffic of cars instead of feet. Despite being late for things or missing them altogether, I saw and enjoyed a lot of memorable and fun stuff from music, to puppet shows, to dancing, to eats, to art, to the cutest little kids, and to the unexpected.
Often I’d plan to go see one thing, then another and another and I had it all figured out with the festival schedule in my pocket, but some things were incredible and hard to walk away from, plus there were so many unscheduled performers on corners, sidewalks and everywhere else who rocked it and caught my attention while I was in transit from one destination to the next. Suddenly plans changed. Then there were friends all around that I’d have to stop and chat with. So I missed so many things, but I also saw many wonderful things. Although that sounds a lot like breaking even, I feel like I came out ahead.
All weekend I kept saying things like; “well you won’t see that at the Allentown festival.” This from a guy who grew up in Allentown and really used to love that festival like no other. Perhaps it’s because I live in the Elmwood Village now and I have for quite a long time now. It’s my favorite summer festival because of the art, the community and the energy there. Along with the great, there were some really awful bands and art too but you know... I was glad it was there. I was thrilled to see such variety and that both reflects on and reminds me of my neighborhood. I love it here.
We stood there for about 10 minutes locked in admiration. When I turned back around to face the food court after the awesome display I noticed many of the food vendors were closed. We were on our way down Elmwood to Caffe Aroma anyway, so it was no big deal. I’d just get a Panini or something there. I dropped a few bucks in the bands’ open guitar case and we continued down the street as everyone packed up their food, art, jewelry and other wares and were inching closer to returning the street of Elmwood to its’ normal traffic of cars instead of feet. Despite being late for things or missing them altogether, I saw and enjoyed a lot of memorable and fun stuff from music, to puppet shows, to dancing, to eats, to art, to the cutest little kids, and to the unexpected.
Often I’d plan to go see one thing, then another and another and I had it all figured out with the festival schedule in my pocket, but some things were incredible and hard to walk away from, plus there were so many unscheduled performers on corners, sidewalks and everywhere else who rocked it and caught my attention while I was in transit from one destination to the next. Suddenly plans changed. Then there were friends all around that I’d have to stop and chat with. So I missed so many things, but I also saw many wonderful things. Although that sounds a lot like breaking even, I feel like I came out ahead.
All weekend I kept saying things like; “well you won’t see that at the Allentown festival.” This from a guy who grew up in Allentown and really used to love that festival like no other. Perhaps it’s because I live in the Elmwood Village now and I have for quite a long time now. It’s my favorite summer festival because of the art, the community and the energy there. Along with the great, there were some really awful bands and art too but you know... I was glad it was there. I was thrilled to see such variety and that both reflects on and reminds me of my neighborhood. I love it here.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 39) - "untitled"
What a day today was. I’m so exhausted I can barely type. It was nearly non stop and full of fun, good times and lots of sweating. Everything started off with an early Saturday morning wake up call. Then we headed out for our first football action of the season. It was scrimmage day and the day was full of changes. We’ve lost about half our football team from the spring and all the league games have been moved from South Buffalo to UB North campus.
We played 3 half games against 3 different opponents from divisions other than ours. We did alright winning 2 of the 3 mini-games. A few of our new players look very promising and I caught an interception plus 4-5 passes today so I’m happy. Comparing today to when we last played in early June I felt a lot faster out there which makes me happy. We played pretty early but the good thing about it was we returned to the city by 12:30.
My next stop was the Elmwood Festival of the Arts but first I was stuck at home for a while watching Scrubs. I went home to change clothes and get cleaned up but once I flipped on the television, 30 minutes turned into almost 2 hours. Luckily, I made it down there in time to catch what I can only describe as the worst band I’ve ever seen. They were called MC Whizzalot and something else. They were a bunch of older white guys doing basic rap over some 80’s sounding beats. The lead singer/rapper looked like Kevin Federline and used some effect on his voice to make him sound nearly demonic as he rapped. The lyrics were terrible like “No, this ain’t no special occasion, it’s just me having fun with my Caucasians.” Yeah it was bad however, like a trainwreck it was impossible to look away.
After seeing that I made my way around and saw the puppet show I meant to see last month. That was very cool and I kind of teared up a little at the end. Luckily with my sunglasses on, no one was the wiser. After that I found my way over to see some classic jazz and finally over to the food court where I had a nice wrap.
After my 2nd smoothie I left abruptly to change clothes yet again in order to make it out to the battle @ Buffalo. The battle is basically an open competition between breakdancers and all styles dancers. I went with 3 of my friends and the room was packed and hot as hell. I commented that I probably sweat more during that 3 hour show than I did during the football in the morning. It really was like a sauna in there but damn was the dancing hot too. I highly recommend the battle to anyone who wants to see some fly moves. They occur the last Saturday of every month.
As I drift in and out of consciousness this evening I really look forward to another day at the festival tomorrow and it’s going to be the first day of 5 very hot days. Perhaps it’s summer’s last hurrah. This sentence surely will be mine… for today.
We played 3 half games against 3 different opponents from divisions other than ours. We did alright winning 2 of the 3 mini-games. A few of our new players look very promising and I caught an interception plus 4-5 passes today so I’m happy. Comparing today to when we last played in early June I felt a lot faster out there which makes me happy. We played pretty early but the good thing about it was we returned to the city by 12:30.
My next stop was the Elmwood Festival of the Arts but first I was stuck at home for a while watching Scrubs. I went home to change clothes and get cleaned up but once I flipped on the television, 30 minutes turned into almost 2 hours. Luckily, I made it down there in time to catch what I can only describe as the worst band I’ve ever seen. They were called MC Whizzalot and something else. They were a bunch of older white guys doing basic rap over some 80’s sounding beats. The lead singer/rapper looked like Kevin Federline and used some effect on his voice to make him sound nearly demonic as he rapped. The lyrics were terrible like “No, this ain’t no special occasion, it’s just me having fun with my Caucasians.” Yeah it was bad however, like a trainwreck it was impossible to look away.
After seeing that I made my way around and saw the puppet show I meant to see last month. That was very cool and I kind of teared up a little at the end. Luckily with my sunglasses on, no one was the wiser. After that I found my way over to see some classic jazz and finally over to the food court where I had a nice wrap.
After my 2nd smoothie I left abruptly to change clothes yet again in order to make it out to the battle @ Buffalo. The battle is basically an open competition between breakdancers and all styles dancers. I went with 3 of my friends and the room was packed and hot as hell. I commented that I probably sweat more during that 3 hour show than I did during the football in the morning. It really was like a sauna in there but damn was the dancing hot too. I highly recommend the battle to anyone who wants to see some fly moves. They occur the last Saturday of every month.
As I drift in and out of consciousness this evening I really look forward to another day at the festival tomorrow and it’s going to be the first day of 5 very hot days. Perhaps it’s summer’s last hurrah. This sentence surely will be mine… for today.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 38) - "10 Bands I want to see Before I'm Gone"
When I put Scott Pilgrim vs the World into my list of my favorite all time movies yesterday it got me thinking about lists. Once I started thinking about lists the lists starting coming fast and furiously. This is the first one. Its 10 bands I want to see live before I’m gone. It contains bands both old and new, a rock n roll hall of famer, a few different styles and a few currently hip bands. I tried to keep my list restricted to those who are still out there touring. If a bands is retired, broken up or has members who have passed I didn’t consider them.
So here’s 10 bands I want to see before I’m gone: (in no particular order)
Tribe Called Quest- I’m not one for hip hop shows. This is manly due to the rappers being out of breath jumping, shaking and running all over the stage. What happens is they are doing so much that they re winded a lot of the time and basically shout out the rhyme instead of flowing. Every show I’ve seen, from Busta Rhymes to De La Soul, they always sound pretty bad when compared to the record. There’s something to be said for being part of the show, feeling the energy or rapping along and there’s certainly something that can be said for seeing my favorite hip hop group of al time, regardless of the flaws. Now that they are playing shows again I really hope there’s some way to see these guys. The flow and contrast between Phife and Q-Tip are among the best I’ve ever heard.
Portishead- if I were to see Portishead I would probably sit or stand there like I was in a trance. The beats would grab hold of my soul and Beth Gibbons voice would caress my heart. I can’t imagine the splendor of what seeing this band would be like. I can only imagine it would be candy for my ears.
Emiliana Torrini- Emiliana is my favorite European singer whose cuteness is off the charts and whose voice is among my all time favorites. She dresses like a gypsy and has a somewhat strange way about her that I discovered when I interviewed her on the radio about 10 years ago.
Wilco- I missed Wilco when they came for Rockin at the Knox a few years ago and I’m still kicking myself over that one.
Beastie Boys- I think the Beasties got me through the 90’s until I discovered college radio. I owe them a lot. Many nights of drinking, video games and hanging out featured a Beastie soundtrack, especially those first 4 records. Surprisingly, I’ve never seen them live.
The Cure- Much like how the Beasties got me through some times, the Cure did as well. On many occasions when I was sad, they were my go to band. I feel like I owe them too.
Prince- What can I say? Those who knew me during my radio days might remember that on every show I had to have a Prince song, sometimes several of them. He was my favorite musician for so long until he lost me sometime in the last 10 years. I still stand by his first 10 records as some of the most brilliant work by any artist. When he has come to town I’ve always balked at the ticket price. Maybe one day we’ll agree on a price before he gets too old to put on the amazing show he puts on.
Paul Westerberg- Paul is a legend and was very important to my childhood as the leader of the Replacements. I don’t know if he performs “Mats” songs in his shows now but even if it’s only a few it would so be worth it.
Vampire Weekend- Their first two records are so thrilling that I can’t believe how many stellar tracks there are. I wonder how good they’d be in concert but with such quality songs to perform, I can’t imagine them being less than awesome.
Arcade Fire- this one is a no brainer. These guys are my current Radiohead. You know the band that can do no wrong and who everyone needs to see live. When I finally saw Radiohead it was like a weight was lifted off of me but now that weight has returned in the form of Arcade Fire. If only they’d come close to here, but in this country.
So here’s 10 bands I want to see before I’m gone: (in no particular order)
Tribe Called Quest- I’m not one for hip hop shows. This is manly due to the rappers being out of breath jumping, shaking and running all over the stage. What happens is they are doing so much that they re winded a lot of the time and basically shout out the rhyme instead of flowing. Every show I’ve seen, from Busta Rhymes to De La Soul, they always sound pretty bad when compared to the record. There’s something to be said for being part of the show, feeling the energy or rapping along and there’s certainly something that can be said for seeing my favorite hip hop group of al time, regardless of the flaws. Now that they are playing shows again I really hope there’s some way to see these guys. The flow and contrast between Phife and Q-Tip are among the best I’ve ever heard.
Portishead- if I were to see Portishead I would probably sit or stand there like I was in a trance. The beats would grab hold of my soul and Beth Gibbons voice would caress my heart. I can’t imagine the splendor of what seeing this band would be like. I can only imagine it would be candy for my ears.
Emiliana Torrini- Emiliana is my favorite European singer whose cuteness is off the charts and whose voice is among my all time favorites. She dresses like a gypsy and has a somewhat strange way about her that I discovered when I interviewed her on the radio about 10 years ago.
Wilco- I missed Wilco when they came for Rockin at the Knox a few years ago and I’m still kicking myself over that one.
Beastie Boys- I think the Beasties got me through the 90’s until I discovered college radio. I owe them a lot. Many nights of drinking, video games and hanging out featured a Beastie soundtrack, especially those first 4 records. Surprisingly, I’ve never seen them live.
The Cure- Much like how the Beasties got me through some times, the Cure did as well. On many occasions when I was sad, they were my go to band. I feel like I owe them too.
Prince- What can I say? Those who knew me during my radio days might remember that on every show I had to have a Prince song, sometimes several of them. He was my favorite musician for so long until he lost me sometime in the last 10 years. I still stand by his first 10 records as some of the most brilliant work by any artist. When he has come to town I’ve always balked at the ticket price. Maybe one day we’ll agree on a price before he gets too old to put on the amazing show he puts on.
Paul Westerberg- Paul is a legend and was very important to my childhood as the leader of the Replacements. I don’t know if he performs “Mats” songs in his shows now but even if it’s only a few it would so be worth it.
Vampire Weekend- Their first two records are so thrilling that I can’t believe how many stellar tracks there are. I wonder how good they’d be in concert but with such quality songs to perform, I can’t imagine them being less than awesome.
Arcade Fire- this one is a no brainer. These guys are my current Radiohead. You know the band that can do no wrong and who everyone needs to see live. When I finally saw Radiohead it was like a weight was lifted off of me but now that weight has returned in the form of Arcade Fire. If only they’d come close to here, but in this country.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 37) - "Scott Pilgrim"
I found myself fluctuating between having my mouth hanging open and smiling like a complete dork. There was no middle ground. At times I wished I had a remote so I could hit pause and then get up and run down the aisles screaming THIS IS AWESOME!!! I’ve had this moment a few times at the movies. I believe it has happened when I saw Pulp Fiction, The Matrix, Fight Club, Clerks, Princess Bride, High Fidelity and perhaps a few others.
If you look at the list I just gave you and then looked at a list of my favorite movies, you’d see that all of these are on them. I’m talking about that glorious moment when you’ve seen something that is going to be added to the list. While you are watching it you just know you are in the midst of something magical and maybe you even try to find a minute of non importance somewhere in the film so you can savor the ride because when it’s over, while you’ll feel amazing for being part of that magic and discovering the greatest thing ever that week, you’ll also know that it is over and you cannot re-watch it for the first time. I know this because it’s happened before. It happened last night.
Do you want to know how I know when I’ve seen a movie that is destined to become one of my all time favorites? It’s pretty simple. I know it is when I want to see it again as soon as it ends. I mean as soon as the credits start rolling give me 2 minutes to collect myself and start that sucker up again. I know I can’t relive that maiden voyage but the 2nd time will be better than the 3rd time which will be better than the 4th time and when that 2nd time happens right after the first time maybe we can convince ourselves that it is one long memorable experience instead of 2 separate ones where the first experience might have been a touch better. Basically, we want to hold onto that moment for as long as possible.
So can you tell I went and saw Scott Pilgrim vs. the World last night? I LOVE that film. I fell in love with Ramona Flowers the second she appeared on screen. I want my own Ramona Flowers now although I don’t want to fight 7 exes for her. She’s pretty awesome though so I’d fight a couple. I should post a disclaimer though; I’ve always been attracted to artsy females. I haven’t had too much luck with them because I am part jock but they often find my sensitive and artistic side endearing. Back to the film, every single character in it had either a great moment or great line. That is so hard to accomplish in film. Plus the editing was so stellar that after you got through the opening which was only a little bit slow but had to be to establish the key elements, the movie just took off and never stopped. I told someone I saw it with that there was no fat in this film and there wasn’t. If you’ve seen it can you tell me where there was a slow period, or a lull? That’s right, other than the beginning there wasn’t and as I said you have to start off slow, introduce the people, places and things and get that solid foundation before you can take off. It’s true most of the time. Plus while the groundwork for the film was being laid in the beginning, it was still funny and entertaining while you are trying to figure things out.
I really can’t say enough good things about the film and I know it’s an acquired taste that some wouldn’t like because of the style and plot but if you’ve seen a trailer for it and thought it looked interesting, what are you waiting for?
If you look at the list I just gave you and then looked at a list of my favorite movies, you’d see that all of these are on them. I’m talking about that glorious moment when you’ve seen something that is going to be added to the list. While you are watching it you just know you are in the midst of something magical and maybe you even try to find a minute of non importance somewhere in the film so you can savor the ride because when it’s over, while you’ll feel amazing for being part of that magic and discovering the greatest thing ever that week, you’ll also know that it is over and you cannot re-watch it for the first time. I know this because it’s happened before. It happened last night.
Do you want to know how I know when I’ve seen a movie that is destined to become one of my all time favorites? It’s pretty simple. I know it is when I want to see it again as soon as it ends. I mean as soon as the credits start rolling give me 2 minutes to collect myself and start that sucker up again. I know I can’t relive that maiden voyage but the 2nd time will be better than the 3rd time which will be better than the 4th time and when that 2nd time happens right after the first time maybe we can convince ourselves that it is one long memorable experience instead of 2 separate ones where the first experience might have been a touch better. Basically, we want to hold onto that moment for as long as possible.
So can you tell I went and saw Scott Pilgrim vs. the World last night? I LOVE that film. I fell in love with Ramona Flowers the second she appeared on screen. I want my own Ramona Flowers now although I don’t want to fight 7 exes for her. She’s pretty awesome though so I’d fight a couple. I should post a disclaimer though; I’ve always been attracted to artsy females. I haven’t had too much luck with them because I am part jock but they often find my sensitive and artistic side endearing. Back to the film, every single character in it had either a great moment or great line. That is so hard to accomplish in film. Plus the editing was so stellar that after you got through the opening which was only a little bit slow but had to be to establish the key elements, the movie just took off and never stopped. I told someone I saw it with that there was no fat in this film and there wasn’t. If you’ve seen it can you tell me where there was a slow period, or a lull? That’s right, other than the beginning there wasn’t and as I said you have to start off slow, introduce the people, places and things and get that solid foundation before you can take off. It’s true most of the time. Plus while the groundwork for the film was being laid in the beginning, it was still funny and entertaining while you are trying to figure things out.
I really can’t say enough good things about the film and I know it’s an acquired taste that some wouldn’t like because of the style and plot but if you’ve seen a trailer for it and thought it looked interesting, what are you waiting for?
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 36) - "Thankful"
I’ve probably met more people this year than I have the past few combined. My facebook friends are up to record levels. I don’t believe I had this many before my last purge. I’m getting out and doing things almost every day. I feel like I’ve enjoyed life so much this summer, (but quite frankly the past few years) than I had for a very long time. I feel like I’m inching my way back to my late twenties when I was rolling along so full of confidence and life. Setbacks knocked me down, but I’ve risen and yes it’s taken some years but I’m on the way back. Maybe I’m almost there already.
I had a conversation recently with a lady friend about being thankful for things, taking stuff for granted, and appreciation. I’m all about those things, or at least being thankful, not taking stuff for granted and appreciating the hell out of people, places and things. We talked about how important saying thank you is, or checking in on a friend who is going through something whether it’s stress, sadness or joy and letting them know you support and care for them. It was such an uplifting conversation that I started thinking about how thankful I am about things these days.
What exactly am I thankful for? So many wonderful, terrible and truly amazing things happened, just in the last few months alone. I’m far more comfortable talking to people, I’ve reconnected with old friends. I actually felt something for someone for the first time in years. Someone made me a birthday cake for the first time since the 90’s. I took part in my first film. I went to my first dogwarming party. I experienced my first armed robbery… okay well maybe I’m not exactly thankful for that but I am thankful the crook didn’t shoot me or my friends.
I’ve got thankful coming out of my pours this evening so I’m going to lay it on thick.
So thank you Shawn and Gus. Thank you server I had tonight (we gave him 25%) Thank you new episode of Tosh.0 for making me laugh. Thank you to all of you who give me rides places, even if I’m on the way and you are going there anyway. I appreciate it. Thank you to all of you who read these blogs. Thank you to all of you who send little emails and messages to see how I am without any provocation. Thanks to those of you who make me laugh. Thanks to those of you who offer me advice. Thanks to everyone who shares any of themselves with me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I had a conversation recently with a lady friend about being thankful for things, taking stuff for granted, and appreciation. I’m all about those things, or at least being thankful, not taking stuff for granted and appreciating the hell out of people, places and things. We talked about how important saying thank you is, or checking in on a friend who is going through something whether it’s stress, sadness or joy and letting them know you support and care for them. It was such an uplifting conversation that I started thinking about how thankful I am about things these days.
What exactly am I thankful for? So many wonderful, terrible and truly amazing things happened, just in the last few months alone. I’m far more comfortable talking to people, I’ve reconnected with old friends. I actually felt something for someone for the first time in years. Someone made me a birthday cake for the first time since the 90’s. I took part in my first film. I went to my first dogwarming party. I experienced my first armed robbery… okay well maybe I’m not exactly thankful for that but I am thankful the crook didn’t shoot me or my friends.
I’ve got thankful coming out of my pours this evening so I’m going to lay it on thick.
So thank you Shawn and Gus. Thank you server I had tonight (we gave him 25%) Thank you new episode of Tosh.0 for making me laugh. Thank you to all of you who give me rides places, even if I’m on the way and you are going there anyway. I appreciate it. Thank you to all of you who read these blogs. Thank you to all of you who send little emails and messages to see how I am without any provocation. Thanks to those of you who make me laugh. Thanks to those of you who offer me advice. Thanks to everyone who shares any of themselves with me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 35) - "The Rise of the Kickapotamus"
I look down at my phone and it says 5:50. I take a deep breath and quicken my march. As I hit the outskirts of the park I realize I will make it on time but I don't like cutting it so close. The game starts at 6 and it looks like I will make it to the field by 5:55. I still had to wrap my leg, change shoes, put on my knee brace and my ankle brace. Luckily, walking a near 20 minute walk in less than 15 minutes will loosen your body up some so I thought I could get away with not stretching.
When I arrived at the field there were only 6 of my teammates there and 1 of them was injured and not going to play! It was 5 minutes to game time! Normally you'd need 10 to play. Most weeks we have a handful of players who are a little late but I was hoping they wouldn't be too late today because I thought we had a real chance to win this game.
When I looked at our schedule I saw many familiar names. I saw teams we played in the season earlier this summer and some we played last summer but there were a few team names I had never seen before. Now they could have been teams who changed their names or others who were spinoffs from veteran teams but I suspected and definitely hoped that some of these "new" sounding teams sounded that way because they were in fact new.
The team we were playing last night had one of those new names. Since this was the 2nd week of this season, it was quite possible this team was only playing their 2nd game. I was really hoping that was the case. Quite often over the past 2 years we ran into teams that were more cohesive and far more experienced than us and it certainly shows out there in the field.
As I frantically bandaged my leg, changed shoes and put on my temporary Kickapotamus t-shirt I looked around and saw that we were up to 3 males and 4 females. The umpire was pressuring us to get ready to play with however many we had. 7 against 10 would give a sizeable advantage to the other side. Our team captain, who was out for the game with an injured ankle, was given the choice of whether we wanted to kick first or play out in the field first. In a wise move, she chose for us to kick first. That way we might give any of our missing teammates a few extra minutes to arrive before we had to take the field.
The first of many strange things began to happen. We kicked well in that first inning and actually scored 2 runs. Starting well isn't something we're used to. As we took the field for the first time with only 7 of us we were clinging to a 2-0 lead and hoping that the other team would help us with some bad kicks. As you might have imagined, we were spread out pretty thin. There were a lot of holes and large areas to kick the ball to in our defense.
That first inning was a little shaky but we got our 3 outs and still held on to a 2-1 lead. Then as we jogged off the field after collecting that 3rd out, another one of our male players arrived. That picked up our moods even more than owning a slim lead. Then with a new leg to help us we had another big inning and scored plenty more runs. We took the field in the next inning with a more realistic defense considering we were playing 8 against 10. At least we had 3 infielders and 3 outfielders. People still had to cover more area than normal but it felt doable.
As we made our way through those first couple innings a few things became obvious. First it seemed like no one else from our team was going to show and second, this team we were playing were in fact brand new and only in their 2nd game. Without being too insulting, they were pretty bad and they reminded me of how we looked those first few weeks we played. There were drops, bad throws, bad kicking, no knowledge of rules, people tripping over bases and a large collection of mental errors.
On the other hand, we made most of our catches. We hit people with many of our throws. Our kicking was stellar and our baserunning was as good as I'd ever seen it. It was like our runners could sense the other team was fumbling and bumbling out there and suddenly conservative runners became more aggressive and the runs kept pouring in. As the innings passed our lead grew and grew and the other team was starting to get testy. Imagine that? We were beating someone so badly that THEY were starting to get pissy and they were arguing rules that they thought we were breaking even though they didn't even know them themselves. It was getting to the point where it wasn't a good idea for us to argue anything or even bring up a minor point because there were a few guys on that team ready to blow a gasket.
I found the whole thing really funny. We routinely get our asses kicked and we are never sore losers. More than that we have a lot of fun despite whatever happens. I guess that's why the league likes us so much and newspaper writers pretend to want to write stories on us. We didn't have our bongos or half our team but we won convincingly 24-7 and we were playing 2 players short! I still can't believe how well everyone did. Well, I can believe it but considering the odds and how things were looking from the beginning I'm so proud of everyone. After the game it occurred to me that we had to wait about 14 months between wins but something tells me we won't have to wait that long for the next one!
Viva Kickapotamus!
Our next game is Monday night at 6pm, tentatively scheduled for Delaware Park, on the actual Park side this time.
When I arrived at the field there were only 6 of my teammates there and 1 of them was injured and not going to play! It was 5 minutes to game time! Normally you'd need 10 to play. Most weeks we have a handful of players who are a little late but I was hoping they wouldn't be too late today because I thought we had a real chance to win this game.
When I looked at our schedule I saw many familiar names. I saw teams we played in the season earlier this summer and some we played last summer but there were a few team names I had never seen before. Now they could have been teams who changed their names or others who were spinoffs from veteran teams but I suspected and definitely hoped that some of these "new" sounding teams sounded that way because they were in fact new.
The team we were playing last night had one of those new names. Since this was the 2nd week of this season, it was quite possible this team was only playing their 2nd game. I was really hoping that was the case. Quite often over the past 2 years we ran into teams that were more cohesive and far more experienced than us and it certainly shows out there in the field.
As I frantically bandaged my leg, changed shoes and put on my temporary Kickapotamus t-shirt I looked around and saw that we were up to 3 males and 4 females. The umpire was pressuring us to get ready to play with however many we had. 7 against 10 would give a sizeable advantage to the other side. Our team captain, who was out for the game with an injured ankle, was given the choice of whether we wanted to kick first or play out in the field first. In a wise move, she chose for us to kick first. That way we might give any of our missing teammates a few extra minutes to arrive before we had to take the field.
The first of many strange things began to happen. We kicked well in that first inning and actually scored 2 runs. Starting well isn't something we're used to. As we took the field for the first time with only 7 of us we were clinging to a 2-0 lead and hoping that the other team would help us with some bad kicks. As you might have imagined, we were spread out pretty thin. There were a lot of holes and large areas to kick the ball to in our defense.
That first inning was a little shaky but we got our 3 outs and still held on to a 2-1 lead. Then as we jogged off the field after collecting that 3rd out, another one of our male players arrived. That picked up our moods even more than owning a slim lead. Then with a new leg to help us we had another big inning and scored plenty more runs. We took the field in the next inning with a more realistic defense considering we were playing 8 against 10. At least we had 3 infielders and 3 outfielders. People still had to cover more area than normal but it felt doable.
As we made our way through those first couple innings a few things became obvious. First it seemed like no one else from our team was going to show and second, this team we were playing were in fact brand new and only in their 2nd game. Without being too insulting, they were pretty bad and they reminded me of how we looked those first few weeks we played. There were drops, bad throws, bad kicking, no knowledge of rules, people tripping over bases and a large collection of mental errors.
On the other hand, we made most of our catches. We hit people with many of our throws. Our kicking was stellar and our baserunning was as good as I'd ever seen it. It was like our runners could sense the other team was fumbling and bumbling out there and suddenly conservative runners became more aggressive and the runs kept pouring in. As the innings passed our lead grew and grew and the other team was starting to get testy. Imagine that? We were beating someone so badly that THEY were starting to get pissy and they were arguing rules that they thought we were breaking even though they didn't even know them themselves. It was getting to the point where it wasn't a good idea for us to argue anything or even bring up a minor point because there were a few guys on that team ready to blow a gasket.
I found the whole thing really funny. We routinely get our asses kicked and we are never sore losers. More than that we have a lot of fun despite whatever happens. I guess that's why the league likes us so much and newspaper writers pretend to want to write stories on us. We didn't have our bongos or half our team but we won convincingly 24-7 and we were playing 2 players short! I still can't believe how well everyone did. Well, I can believe it but considering the odds and how things were looking from the beginning I'm so proud of everyone. After the game it occurred to me that we had to wait about 14 months between wins but something tells me we won't have to wait that long for the next one!
Viva Kickapotamus!
Our next game is Monday night at 6pm, tentatively scheduled for Delaware Park, on the actual Park side this time.
Monday, August 23, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 34) - "Time Flies When You Are Having Sun"
I walked to work this morning and there was a bit of a chill in the air. I knew it was going to be a little cooler than it had been lately but I saw no reason to deviate from my default summer wardrobe of t-shirt and shorts. As I made my way there I saw people wearing jackets and I even saw someone in a knit hat!
After seeing the hat person I started to think about the date. It was still August, there's still summer left! The clouds and the breeze begged to differ. I've been hearing a lot of people this past week talk about doing this thing or that thing really soon because summer is practically over. Yeah I think the 85 degree days may be scarce if not done but it's still going to be pretty nice for another 2 months, at least. 65 degrees is still a nice day. 72 is still plenty warm. Think about when it is 21 degrees in January. That's right, 65 is awesome!
People scrambling frantically to do that last big summer thing makes me think something occurred where they either took the summer for granted or were unable to enjoy it for some reason. I have no such regrets. I've got the best farmer's tan I've had in years. I saw tons of bands, shows, art, people and dogs! I went on many hikes and I played lots of sports. I met many new people and received many kisses this summer... although they were pretty much all doggie kisses. Yeah I know it's not what I had in mind but I still had a great time. I did just about everything I wanted to do this summer and then some... although I do have to wonder where the majority of the summer went. It seemed like only yesterday it was Memorial Day weekend. I guess time flies when you are having sun.
As for what's left, well kickball is going along and football starts again this weekend so I have enough sports to keep me happy. This weekend is the Elmwood Festival for the Arts and I think I am going to spend pretty much the whole weekend there! I think there may be a nice Labor Day party I want to go to the weekend after that and I'm going to be chillin in the park or at Caffe Aroma's patio's as much as possible even when the drinks change from smoothies and iced decafs to hot chocolate and Amarettos and decaf. Actually that change has gradually begun already with the cooler nights of late. The point is that there is a lot of summer and a lot of nice weather left. Instead of pining for the days lost, or fretting the cooler days ahead of us, let's get out and enjoy it now!
After seeing the hat person I started to think about the date. It was still August, there's still summer left! The clouds and the breeze begged to differ. I've been hearing a lot of people this past week talk about doing this thing or that thing really soon because summer is practically over. Yeah I think the 85 degree days may be scarce if not done but it's still going to be pretty nice for another 2 months, at least. 65 degrees is still a nice day. 72 is still plenty warm. Think about when it is 21 degrees in January. That's right, 65 is awesome!
People scrambling frantically to do that last big summer thing makes me think something occurred where they either took the summer for granted or were unable to enjoy it for some reason. I have no such regrets. I've got the best farmer's tan I've had in years. I saw tons of bands, shows, art, people and dogs! I went on many hikes and I played lots of sports. I met many new people and received many kisses this summer... although they were pretty much all doggie kisses. Yeah I know it's not what I had in mind but I still had a great time. I did just about everything I wanted to do this summer and then some... although I do have to wonder where the majority of the summer went. It seemed like only yesterday it was Memorial Day weekend. I guess time flies when you are having sun.
As for what's left, well kickball is going along and football starts again this weekend so I have enough sports to keep me happy. This weekend is the Elmwood Festival for the Arts and I think I am going to spend pretty much the whole weekend there! I think there may be a nice Labor Day party I want to go to the weekend after that and I'm going to be chillin in the park or at Caffe Aroma's patio's as much as possible even when the drinks change from smoothies and iced decafs to hot chocolate and Amarettos and decaf. Actually that change has gradually begun already with the cooler nights of late. The point is that there is a lot of summer and a lot of nice weather left. Instead of pining for the days lost, or fretting the cooler days ahead of us, let's get out and enjoy it now!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 33) - "The Mentor"
While I was at my home away from home, Caffe Aroma, this evening I ran into a guy I know from my radio days. He’s a great guy, always making jokes and is just very cool and laid back. I asked him if they had a recycling bin there as my departed friend and I each had bottled water and I held 2 empties in my right hand. He mentioned that they did and along with that I brought my dishes back to the counter and asked if it was okay to throw my trash in the trash can that he was just changing the bag on.
He thanked me for my consideration even though I wouldn’t have thought of it as such. If I threw the recyclables in the trash and left my dishes and trash on the patio, I would have been very upset with myself. That’s just how I am. After he thanked me for my consideration he must have remembered another time when I was considerate because he immediately went back to around 1999 when I was training him at WBNY FM.
In the later 90’s I was already a very experienced radio DJ. I had done several shows, hosted live broadcasts, interviewed numerous bands, mixed live bands for air, written and performed in tons of commercials, radio spots, sweepers, and knew the rules inside and out. I was fresh from a 1-year term as the station’s General Manager and I think during the time I was training new DJs I think around that time we were still training new DJs with the training manual I wrote. Regardless I was assisting in getting many of the youngsters ready for air.
Doing a show wasn’t too hard once you had some experience and knew how to follow directions. Doing a great show took more than minimal effort and I was part of some great shows during my time there due to all the extra work I did before and after the shows. But if what you wanted was to play songs and talk periodically for 3 hours, it wasn’t too hard.
Those first few sessions though when you had to learn the equipment and the basic rules of how to talk on the air, what to say, what not to say, when to say it, what logs to fill out, what music shouldn’t be played and more can be nerve racking. You feel so nervous you say the legal ID wrong. Then you forget to push a button or put the volume up. Then you push the wrong button and then when you talk on the air, your voice quivers a little. It’s really an exhilarating but tense experience.
My old trainee blurts out; “there’s my old radio mentor.” He then proceeds to remind me of the first time he ever trained, he trained on my show and I let him select and play a song and he said it had 4 curses in it. He said I tried not to look upset. I would certainly hope I wasn’t. While that would be a major violation, I’m sure I would have been aware that it was his first time, and that newbies always make mistakes. I said to him tonight what I most likely said that day; “It happens a lot. It happened to at least 3-4 people I trained.” I’m not sure if it did. I mean, I don’t know if I ever had a trainee play a song with that many curses in it and although the moment is long past, I still felt the need to be kind and nice about it. I suppose I offered a degree of consideration that day. I don’t remember it, but he did and it made my smile. Someone called me their mentor. Wow.
He thanked me for my consideration even though I wouldn’t have thought of it as such. If I threw the recyclables in the trash and left my dishes and trash on the patio, I would have been very upset with myself. That’s just how I am. After he thanked me for my consideration he must have remembered another time when I was considerate because he immediately went back to around 1999 when I was training him at WBNY FM.
In the later 90’s I was already a very experienced radio DJ. I had done several shows, hosted live broadcasts, interviewed numerous bands, mixed live bands for air, written and performed in tons of commercials, radio spots, sweepers, and knew the rules inside and out. I was fresh from a 1-year term as the station’s General Manager and I think during the time I was training new DJs I think around that time we were still training new DJs with the training manual I wrote. Regardless I was assisting in getting many of the youngsters ready for air.
Doing a show wasn’t too hard once you had some experience and knew how to follow directions. Doing a great show took more than minimal effort and I was part of some great shows during my time there due to all the extra work I did before and after the shows. But if what you wanted was to play songs and talk periodically for 3 hours, it wasn’t too hard.
Those first few sessions though when you had to learn the equipment and the basic rules of how to talk on the air, what to say, what not to say, when to say it, what logs to fill out, what music shouldn’t be played and more can be nerve racking. You feel so nervous you say the legal ID wrong. Then you forget to push a button or put the volume up. Then you push the wrong button and then when you talk on the air, your voice quivers a little. It’s really an exhilarating but tense experience.
My old trainee blurts out; “there’s my old radio mentor.” He then proceeds to remind me of the first time he ever trained, he trained on my show and I let him select and play a song and he said it had 4 curses in it. He said I tried not to look upset. I would certainly hope I wasn’t. While that would be a major violation, I’m sure I would have been aware that it was his first time, and that newbies always make mistakes. I said to him tonight what I most likely said that day; “It happens a lot. It happened to at least 3-4 people I trained.” I’m not sure if it did. I mean, I don’t know if I ever had a trainee play a song with that many curses in it and although the moment is long past, I still felt the need to be kind and nice about it. I suppose I offered a degree of consideration that day. I don’t remember it, but he did and it made my smile. Someone called me their mentor. Wow.
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 32) - "Dogwarming"
I have returned from my first ever dogwarming party. I have had a few drinks and I feel pretty good however not that drunk. Okay maybe I should rephrase that. I am drunk. I am drunk with love for that little puppy I've been hanging out with the last 5-6 hours. She is the cutest little black lab with a bit of Shepherd thrown in.
Hanging out for the duration of the evening around good friends, new friends and people I haven't seen for some time was cool enough but this little puppy was so incredible. She was entertaining and cute and full of energy. Whether she was on the search for food, attention, or food, everybody would stop whenever she ran past and they'd have to touch and pet her. That must be the life.
What a cool concept it is to have one of these shindigs. People come over and meet your new buddy and some will bring gifts for the animal and in tonight's case it was doggie toys. My favorite was the roadkill looking thing that made a squeaky sound when she bit it in the right spot. You have to think the little one totally digs all the fuss and attention it is receiving as well.
I really wish I had brought my camera tonight to take pictures of the guest of honor but the rainy conditions kept me from bringing it out. It's okay though, I'm sure there'll be many more opportunities to photograph this cute pooch. Unfortunately I don't have a lot more to add because when you write after you've had a few, you never know what you'll get and after yesterday's lenghty post, this might be a bit welcome.
Hanging out for the duration of the evening around good friends, new friends and people I haven't seen for some time was cool enough but this little puppy was so incredible. She was entertaining and cute and full of energy. Whether she was on the search for food, attention, or food, everybody would stop whenever she ran past and they'd have to touch and pet her. That must be the life.
What a cool concept it is to have one of these shindigs. People come over and meet your new buddy and some will bring gifts for the animal and in tonight's case it was doggie toys. My favorite was the roadkill looking thing that made a squeaky sound when she bit it in the right spot. You have to think the little one totally digs all the fuss and attention it is receiving as well.
I really wish I had brought my camera tonight to take pictures of the guest of honor but the rainy conditions kept me from bringing it out. It's okay though, I'm sure there'll be many more opportunities to photograph this cute pooch. Unfortunately I don't have a lot more to add because when you write after you've had a few, you never know what you'll get and after yesterday's lenghty post, this might be a bit welcome.
Friday, August 20, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 31) - "All About Me"
Are you ready to learn a ton about me, how I think, why I do the things I do and much more? I'm going to break it all down using the help of my personality type, the INFJ. For a couple of years now I've been reading up all I can about my personality type and I am astonished at how accurate the data is. It's not 100% perfect, but what is? I think for the most part I fit the personality to a tee! So below I am going to list several traits and behaviors of my type and discuss how I fit them. Get ready to go to Ed-school.
For the record: INFJ stands for Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling and Judging. It is one of 16 personality types from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment test. I learned of the test a few years back and I've taken it 10 times I believe. 9 times out of ten it's come out INFJ. One time it came out INTJ, but I figure 9 times out of 10 is pretty darn convincing... so here we go
"INFJs, making up an estimated 1% of all people, are the most rare type (males even more so). They are introspective, caring, sensitive, gentle and complex people that strive for peace and derive satisfaction from helping others. INFJs are highly intuitive, empathetic and dedicated listeners. These traits tend to act as a "tell me what's wrong" sign on their forehead, hence the nicknames Confidant, Counselor or Empath. INFJs are intensely private and deeply committed to their beliefs."
-This is what I thought I'd start you off with. I cannot dispute any of the above when it comes to me. Despite the fact that I share so much of myself through these blogs, I am intensely private and there is no one who knows close to everything about me. It's not because I like keeping secrets. I don't, and it's not like I have all of these skeletons in my closet, I don't. I guess I've always been waiting for that right person to come along who I will trust everything in my heart and soul to.
"INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others."
-I often refer to myself as a student of life. I'm always trying to understand people, beginning with myself. I wonder who really are my friends, what people's motives are and why things happen how they happen.
"INFJs are quiet, private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Although very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner."
-This is so right on. If it's me and maybe 1 or 2 other people I am very chatty and engaging. When there are perhaps 5 or more people in the group I sit back and absorb. People who know me from huge group things probably think I am quiet but people who know me on a 1 on 1 basis know I am anything but.
"INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life, which they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions, and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well-liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types. However, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and so tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal this except to their closest companions. INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits", rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset"
-People hurt me all the time whether it's a casual jab, getting my hopes up and letting me down or any number of things. I don't tell them that what happens hurts me because I am afraid of the reaction. I swallow hard and say, it's okay. If it's something big that happens to me, well that's very different but I know I am far more sensitive than most and because of that I hurt more than I let on. I'm hoping one day to meet someone kind and loving who will be sensitive to my feelings as I would be to theirs.
When I get hurt enough times or when I feel like I lose interest in people I do withdraw silently. I hate confrontations and if a friendship or relationship isn't what I expected it to be, I fade away. It's why I have so few close friends. Many people don't make the cut in the long run and I am okay with that. I don't miss too many. Plus many times things happen and people move away, find a new circle of friends or hang out in different circles. When that occurs I'll drift away. I figure, out of sight out of mind. Even if I don't see you for ages, I'll still consider us friends and I'd help you out in a second if you needed it but on the other hand, I'm not going to make much effort to be friendly. I'm sorry but I don't have the capacity to maintain a ton of friendships with how much I put into them.
"INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world, but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired."
-My behavior can puzzle a person, that's for sure. Some nights we'll be out and something will happen that I might only notice and then poof, I'm gone. I can't always explain why I "feel" things. Sometimes I need to write immediately because I'm easily inspired. Sometimes I leave hastily because I'm easily hurt or I get bad vibes at a place or a situation. I don't always understand it myself, but I feel what I feel and my feelings can cause me to react quickly and impulsively.
"INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soulmates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type."
-I worry about whether my friends like me and heaven forbid when I have a crush on a female. Talk about deeply concerned with our relations! The worry over my relationships can exhaust me sometimes and to have to socialize can do the same. Sometimes when I am out with a bunch of friends I go quiet for 10-15 minutes at a time. This is me recharging on the fly. I don't want to go home and be a party pooper but at the same time socializing is draining for me. If I hang out with lots of people for a few days straight I often need a day or two alone to decompress. I am a true introvert but I can turn on the wit and charm when needed, as long as I don't have to pull it off all the time.
"Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type."
-On several occasions I've talked to someone for a few minutes and never spoken to them again. My reasoning for this is that I detected bad energy or vibes if you will, about that person. It doesn't mean they aren't a decent person. It doesn't mean they aren't entertaining but I'll only let in those of high quality character and sincerity. My standards are very high whether it's friends or lovers. I feel like my instincts are sharp and I trust them more than anything. The only time my instincts get clouded or I am not as sharp is when there is a heartbreaking story involved. My empathy can overwhelm my instincts and make me quite naïve so I can be duped by someone using their misfortunes and pain for gain.
"Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths."
-I dunno, I like to write. :)
"INFJs place great importance on having things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, they operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk."
-I do have a very messy desk! BUT it is organized completely... as strange as that sounds. I do plan things out and look for the best ways to do a task. I don't like wasted energy. If I am in the middle of something and I think of a better way to do it, I have no problem changing course in the name of efficiency. I will admit I am an organizing freak.
"INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized."
-I will say that I have strong intuition about many things. I will not say I have psychic abilities. If I do, I have no idea how to use them so I'm just going to assume I do not. I will also mention that when I get "feelings" about things in the present moment, I can't always explain why I feel the way I do about them.
"But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress."
-I have avoided conflicts many times only to get a cold, or have my immune system break down a bit. I often let myself hurt than allow a loved one to feel pain. I'll sacrifice a lot for the people I care about. I withhold feelings sometimes so not to make the other person feel uncomfortable or unequal. I struggle with it but I get by. I find most conflicts silly and if someone could get me into an argument or disagreement I will often agree to disagree or back down as long as the conflict doesn't compromise any of my ideals.
"Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubbornness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in most ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals."
-I have certainly been called stubborn in the past. I don't always accept being wrong that well, especially if I were convinced I was right. But on the other hand, I study my mistakes meticulously so that I won't repeat them. It's not just being wrong, it's finding out why I was wrong. What thought process led me to the wrong conclusion... what was I mistaken about? Perhaps that's the perfectionist in me. Those of you who know me know that I have a strong value system, and I am gentle and easy going so I guess that explains that.
"The INFJ (Counselor) has an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes."
-This is true. One of the few times I like to be in groups or work with groups is when we are doing meaningful work. I cannot stand superficial interaction. I'm also found to be crying at stories in the news or in the paper of sadness and tragedy despite not knowing the people involved. My love for people is intense and deep while not entirely personal.
"Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way."
-I always knew I was a poet! Actually in all seriousness I don't really have any commentary on this passage, I just like it a lot.
"Leisure-time pursuits for INFJs are often solitary or involve the company of others who are particularly important to them. Sitting around with dear friends discussing feelings can be very special to INFJs. INFJs are likely to have friends of long standing rather than make many new acquaintances. They may meet with their friends fairly consistently to share what is happening in their lives. It is sometimes difficult for others to break into this circle. These deep friendships are important, even though INFJs may not share much directly about themselves."
-I do have a small core of great friends, most of whom I've known for nearly 20 years. I have some newer friends that I've made along the way but they rank below my closest, oldest friends. Then there are people I know. I know a lot of people, and I'd consider them friends in the most shallow use of the term and I do not mean that in a derogatory way, it just that I let so few in and those I have, I have an EXTENSIVE history with. We've exchanged opinions, feelings and meaningful dialogue so many times, it's hard to put anyone who I've never done that with on the same level. Unless one departs from my life, I'm often not looking for new friends but I will make exceptions for extraordinary people... however, I probably only meet 2 or 3 of those a year.
"For INFJs, 'still waters run deep.' They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. The depth of involvement and feeling that the INFJ has toward loved ones is only partially communicated outward. At times, when alone, INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner. They may not openly demonstrate or even verbalize their intense feelings. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or mate reveal flaws. INFJs enjoy sharing activities like a regular 'date,' revisiting the place where they first met their mates, or doing other symbolic things that help to continue and confirm the existence of the bond that they feel for their partner."
-I rarely ever really fall for someone. I could still count the number on one hand. But when I do I fall hard, I fall fast and I fall deep. I try not to tell the person for a long time because it can all be too much and I don't want to scare someone I care about away. Perhaps in some way I get embarrassed I've fallen so deeply for someone before I would have planned to, or before they've fallen for me. Perhaps I am afraid of getting hurt so I don't lay it on the line.
"INFJs want to give love and to be loved. They become very focused, intense, and direct in that pursuit. INFJs are warm, considerate lovers who feel great depth of love for their partners. They enjoy showing this love, and want to receive affirmation back from their mates. Without their warmth reciprocated to some degree, they can often go the other way and begin to distance themselves from that person."
-I give so freely and easily to people that I love and care for and it hurts me greatly when they give nothing back. It feels like rejection and to this end, I start to avoid them and phase them out of my life. Combine my INFJ personality with the fact that I am a Leo and you have someone here who needs attention and affection. I need to be reminded that you care because I am constantly thinking of ways to try to show you that I care for you. It's not something I have to do but something I want to do. It's the essence of who I am.
"Sexually, INFJs view intimacy as a nearly spiritual experience. They embrace the opportunity to bond heart and soul with their mates. As service-oriented individuals, it's very important to them that their mates are happy. Intimacy is an opportunity for the INFJ to selflessly give their love, and experience it in a tangible way."
-This pretty much says it. I am a generous lover who views intimacy as a spiritual act. While it can be just about sex or passion sometimes, most of the time it's about more than that to me. It's about souls, hearts and energy connecting. I remember a funny and rather embarrassing story where I injured my tongue once because I was trying so hard to please someone I cared about intimately. It wasn't a serious injury FYI but I still think about it and laugh.
"INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. One INFJ explained, "People can do the most outrageous things, yet I blame myself for triggering their behavior or not recognizing it. I see myself as responsible for relationships. Other people can dismiss them --- I'm not able to." INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshal their resources, externalized their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long periods of self-examination."
-This is where I overanalyze the hell out of a moment. I wonder what I did wrong and how I was able to do it. If I come to the conclusion I did do something wrong and fractured a relationship I blame myself and feel tremendous guilt for a long period of time.
"INFJs focus on possibilities, think in terms of values and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (1 percent) is regrettable, since INFJs have unusually strong drive to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their fellow men. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people. The INFJ is gifted quite differently that other personality types. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.
-So this is me. I'm a complex guy who is easy to please.
Oh and I found more data about me and my kind:
INFJs:
value personal integrity and "being true to yourself"
are on a lifelong search for a unique identity and meaning; spirituality is important to us
can be hard to get to know, depending on the other person (reciprocity)
are sometimes seen by others as cold and hard on the outside
can be difficult to "peg"; sometimes INFJs may not even recognize fellow members of their own type
may find it easier to express their deepest feelings and sentiments non-verbally or in writing
abhor evil or injustice, especially that directed towards the innocent or helpless
are sometimes looked upon by others as naive, mostly due to our idealism
can be quite gullible; many INFJs build up a protective armor over the years to protect against this and being "used" by others
enjoy thoughtful discussion but dislike arguing for argument's sake, as this often degenerates into ugly conflict
are bookworms, love bookstores and libraries
are affiliative; get stressed and cannot survive for extended periods without company
rarely get into conflict, but when it erupts, can be very bitter
aren't terribly career-minded
love personality tests and other self-improvement tools
Love quotes/quotations and are often "philosophers" or "theologists" ;)
need to confide in others and express opinions and feelings about others
Are "Directors" who give advice, though usually more subtly than most other Directors.
are interested in ESP, paranormal, "new age," or psychic experiences
"Mute withdrawal is a major INFJ defense."
often have "oceanic" memories where details are recalled through intuitive leaps and thought association
For the record: INFJ stands for Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling and Judging. It is one of 16 personality types from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment test. I learned of the test a few years back and I've taken it 10 times I believe. 9 times out of ten it's come out INFJ. One time it came out INTJ, but I figure 9 times out of 10 is pretty darn convincing... so here we go
"INFJs, making up an estimated 1% of all people, are the most rare type (males even more so). They are introspective, caring, sensitive, gentle and complex people that strive for peace and derive satisfaction from helping others. INFJs are highly intuitive, empathetic and dedicated listeners. These traits tend to act as a "tell me what's wrong" sign on their forehead, hence the nicknames Confidant, Counselor or Empath. INFJs are intensely private and deeply committed to their beliefs."
-This is what I thought I'd start you off with. I cannot dispute any of the above when it comes to me. Despite the fact that I share so much of myself through these blogs, I am intensely private and there is no one who knows close to everything about me. It's not because I like keeping secrets. I don't, and it's not like I have all of these skeletons in my closet, I don't. I guess I've always been waiting for that right person to come along who I will trust everything in my heart and soul to.
"INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others."
-I often refer to myself as a student of life. I'm always trying to understand people, beginning with myself. I wonder who really are my friends, what people's motives are and why things happen how they happen.
"INFJs are quiet, private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Although very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner."
-This is so right on. If it's me and maybe 1 or 2 other people I am very chatty and engaging. When there are perhaps 5 or more people in the group I sit back and absorb. People who know me from huge group things probably think I am quiet but people who know me on a 1 on 1 basis know I am anything but.
"INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life, which they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions, and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well-liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types. However, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and so tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal this except to their closest companions. INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits", rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset"
-People hurt me all the time whether it's a casual jab, getting my hopes up and letting me down or any number of things. I don't tell them that what happens hurts me because I am afraid of the reaction. I swallow hard and say, it's okay. If it's something big that happens to me, well that's very different but I know I am far more sensitive than most and because of that I hurt more than I let on. I'm hoping one day to meet someone kind and loving who will be sensitive to my feelings as I would be to theirs.
When I get hurt enough times or when I feel like I lose interest in people I do withdraw silently. I hate confrontations and if a friendship or relationship isn't what I expected it to be, I fade away. It's why I have so few close friends. Many people don't make the cut in the long run and I am okay with that. I don't miss too many. Plus many times things happen and people move away, find a new circle of friends or hang out in different circles. When that occurs I'll drift away. I figure, out of sight out of mind. Even if I don't see you for ages, I'll still consider us friends and I'd help you out in a second if you needed it but on the other hand, I'm not going to make much effort to be friendly. I'm sorry but I don't have the capacity to maintain a ton of friendships with how much I put into them.
"INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world, but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired."
-My behavior can puzzle a person, that's for sure. Some nights we'll be out and something will happen that I might only notice and then poof, I'm gone. I can't always explain why I "feel" things. Sometimes I need to write immediately because I'm easily inspired. Sometimes I leave hastily because I'm easily hurt or I get bad vibes at a place or a situation. I don't always understand it myself, but I feel what I feel and my feelings can cause me to react quickly and impulsively.
"INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soulmates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type."
-I worry about whether my friends like me and heaven forbid when I have a crush on a female. Talk about deeply concerned with our relations! The worry over my relationships can exhaust me sometimes and to have to socialize can do the same. Sometimes when I am out with a bunch of friends I go quiet for 10-15 minutes at a time. This is me recharging on the fly. I don't want to go home and be a party pooper but at the same time socializing is draining for me. If I hang out with lots of people for a few days straight I often need a day or two alone to decompress. I am a true introvert but I can turn on the wit and charm when needed, as long as I don't have to pull it off all the time.
"Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type."
-On several occasions I've talked to someone for a few minutes and never spoken to them again. My reasoning for this is that I detected bad energy or vibes if you will, about that person. It doesn't mean they aren't a decent person. It doesn't mean they aren't entertaining but I'll only let in those of high quality character and sincerity. My standards are very high whether it's friends or lovers. I feel like my instincts are sharp and I trust them more than anything. The only time my instincts get clouded or I am not as sharp is when there is a heartbreaking story involved. My empathy can overwhelm my instincts and make me quite naïve so I can be duped by someone using their misfortunes and pain for gain.
"Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths."
-I dunno, I like to write. :)
"INFJs place great importance on having things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, they operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk."
-I do have a very messy desk! BUT it is organized completely... as strange as that sounds. I do plan things out and look for the best ways to do a task. I don't like wasted energy. If I am in the middle of something and I think of a better way to do it, I have no problem changing course in the name of efficiency. I will admit I am an organizing freak.
"INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized."
-I will say that I have strong intuition about many things. I will not say I have psychic abilities. If I do, I have no idea how to use them so I'm just going to assume I do not. I will also mention that when I get "feelings" about things in the present moment, I can't always explain why I feel the way I do about them.
"But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress."
-I have avoided conflicts many times only to get a cold, or have my immune system break down a bit. I often let myself hurt than allow a loved one to feel pain. I'll sacrifice a lot for the people I care about. I withhold feelings sometimes so not to make the other person feel uncomfortable or unequal. I struggle with it but I get by. I find most conflicts silly and if someone could get me into an argument or disagreement I will often agree to disagree or back down as long as the conflict doesn't compromise any of my ideals.
"Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubbornness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in most ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals."
-I have certainly been called stubborn in the past. I don't always accept being wrong that well, especially if I were convinced I was right. But on the other hand, I study my mistakes meticulously so that I won't repeat them. It's not just being wrong, it's finding out why I was wrong. What thought process led me to the wrong conclusion... what was I mistaken about? Perhaps that's the perfectionist in me. Those of you who know me know that I have a strong value system, and I am gentle and easy going so I guess that explains that.
"The INFJ (Counselor) has an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes."
-This is true. One of the few times I like to be in groups or work with groups is when we are doing meaningful work. I cannot stand superficial interaction. I'm also found to be crying at stories in the news or in the paper of sadness and tragedy despite not knowing the people involved. My love for people is intense and deep while not entirely personal.
"Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way."
-I always knew I was a poet! Actually in all seriousness I don't really have any commentary on this passage, I just like it a lot.
"Leisure-time pursuits for INFJs are often solitary or involve the company of others who are particularly important to them. Sitting around with dear friends discussing feelings can be very special to INFJs. INFJs are likely to have friends of long standing rather than make many new acquaintances. They may meet with their friends fairly consistently to share what is happening in their lives. It is sometimes difficult for others to break into this circle. These deep friendships are important, even though INFJs may not share much directly about themselves."
-I do have a small core of great friends, most of whom I've known for nearly 20 years. I have some newer friends that I've made along the way but they rank below my closest, oldest friends. Then there are people I know. I know a lot of people, and I'd consider them friends in the most shallow use of the term and I do not mean that in a derogatory way, it just that I let so few in and those I have, I have an EXTENSIVE history with. We've exchanged opinions, feelings and meaningful dialogue so many times, it's hard to put anyone who I've never done that with on the same level. Unless one departs from my life, I'm often not looking for new friends but I will make exceptions for extraordinary people... however, I probably only meet 2 or 3 of those a year.
"For INFJs, 'still waters run deep.' They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. The depth of involvement and feeling that the INFJ has toward loved ones is only partially communicated outward. At times, when alone, INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner. They may not openly demonstrate or even verbalize their intense feelings. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or mate reveal flaws. INFJs enjoy sharing activities like a regular 'date,' revisiting the place where they first met their mates, or doing other symbolic things that help to continue and confirm the existence of the bond that they feel for their partner."
-I rarely ever really fall for someone. I could still count the number on one hand. But when I do I fall hard, I fall fast and I fall deep. I try not to tell the person for a long time because it can all be too much and I don't want to scare someone I care about away. Perhaps in some way I get embarrassed I've fallen so deeply for someone before I would have planned to, or before they've fallen for me. Perhaps I am afraid of getting hurt so I don't lay it on the line.
"INFJs want to give love and to be loved. They become very focused, intense, and direct in that pursuit. INFJs are warm, considerate lovers who feel great depth of love for their partners. They enjoy showing this love, and want to receive affirmation back from their mates. Without their warmth reciprocated to some degree, they can often go the other way and begin to distance themselves from that person."
-I give so freely and easily to people that I love and care for and it hurts me greatly when they give nothing back. It feels like rejection and to this end, I start to avoid them and phase them out of my life. Combine my INFJ personality with the fact that I am a Leo and you have someone here who needs attention and affection. I need to be reminded that you care because I am constantly thinking of ways to try to show you that I care for you. It's not something I have to do but something I want to do. It's the essence of who I am.
"Sexually, INFJs view intimacy as a nearly spiritual experience. They embrace the opportunity to bond heart and soul with their mates. As service-oriented individuals, it's very important to them that their mates are happy. Intimacy is an opportunity for the INFJ to selflessly give their love, and experience it in a tangible way."
-This pretty much says it. I am a generous lover who views intimacy as a spiritual act. While it can be just about sex or passion sometimes, most of the time it's about more than that to me. It's about souls, hearts and energy connecting. I remember a funny and rather embarrassing story where I injured my tongue once because I was trying so hard to please someone I cared about intimately. It wasn't a serious injury FYI but I still think about it and laugh.
"INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. One INFJ explained, "People can do the most outrageous things, yet I blame myself for triggering their behavior or not recognizing it. I see myself as responsible for relationships. Other people can dismiss them --- I'm not able to." INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshal their resources, externalized their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long periods of self-examination."
-This is where I overanalyze the hell out of a moment. I wonder what I did wrong and how I was able to do it. If I come to the conclusion I did do something wrong and fractured a relationship I blame myself and feel tremendous guilt for a long period of time.
"INFJs focus on possibilities, think in terms of values and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (1 percent) is regrettable, since INFJs have unusually strong drive to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their fellow men. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people. The INFJ is gifted quite differently that other personality types. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.
-So this is me. I'm a complex guy who is easy to please.
Oh and I found more data about me and my kind:
INFJs:
value personal integrity and "being true to yourself"
are on a lifelong search for a unique identity and meaning; spirituality is important to us
can be hard to get to know, depending on the other person (reciprocity)
are sometimes seen by others as cold and hard on the outside
can be difficult to "peg"; sometimes INFJs may not even recognize fellow members of their own type
may find it easier to express their deepest feelings and sentiments non-verbally or in writing
abhor evil or injustice, especially that directed towards the innocent or helpless
are sometimes looked upon by others as naive, mostly due to our idealism
can be quite gullible; many INFJs build up a protective armor over the years to protect against this and being "used" by others
enjoy thoughtful discussion but dislike arguing for argument's sake, as this often degenerates into ugly conflict
are bookworms, love bookstores and libraries
are affiliative; get stressed and cannot survive for extended periods without company
rarely get into conflict, but when it erupts, can be very bitter
aren't terribly career-minded
love personality tests and other self-improvement tools
Love quotes/quotations and are often "philosophers" or "theologists" ;)
need to confide in others and express opinions and feelings about others
Are "Directors" who give advice, though usually more subtly than most other Directors.
are interested in ESP, paranormal, "new age," or psychic experiences
"Mute withdrawal is a major INFJ defense."
often have "oceanic" memories where details are recalled through intuitive leaps and thought association
Thursday, August 19, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 30) - "Time to Pay the Bills"
I'm sitting here tonight watching the Buffalo Bills preseason game and I noticed I don't have the same enthusiasm I would normally have watching a game, even a preseason one. I think the Bills finally beat the life out of me. Ten years of crappy teams and a new dose of hoopla each year only to be exposed as empty hype really takes a toll on fans. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I was only marginally interested last season and that was because of Terrell Owens and I knew he wasn't going to be the answer. I guess I was simply excited over adding a controversial Hall of Fame caliber player to our team.
This season the team cleaned house. Gone was the big ticket acquisition like Owens, Drew Bledsoe or any number of overpriced busts we acquired through free agency or trade. Gone was the "bill" of goods the team sold us each winter and spring where they tried to get us to BILLieve. They didn't sign any big names. They didn't try to brainwash us into thinking they'd be a playoff team. They fired the coach and General Manager and decided to rebuild. Now other teams can take 2-3 years to rebuild but Buffalo has had 10 years and has tried to rebuild at least 3 times, maybe 4.
For us fans it's incredibly frustrating and Buffalo is the holder of a very dubious record at the present: They are one of two teams (Detroit is the other) that have gone the longest in the entire league without making it to the playoffs. Neither team has been there since 1999. That's right you have to go back to the 90's to find the last playoff team in Buffalo!
Now on the record, I have to say starting over with youngsters and building a team based on them instead of high priced has beens is the right move. This is how they began their rebuilding the last 3-4 times but they couldn't resist making the big splash in order to sell tickets. They tried to mix big signings with their youth movement as it's never worked. Sure it's a good idea to mix veteran players with your youthful core but it has to be the right guys at the right time. Right now is not the time to bring in any high priced players with high priced egos. Let the kids learn the job. Figure out who is worth building around these next few years. So I agree with what the team is doing right now but at the same time, that doesn't mean I am not bored with watching bad football from my hometown team.
It's almost like I want to take a break from the Bills for a couple of years and have someone wake me when they are getting good again but I know I can't do it. I love football too much, even if my team stinks, has stunk and will stink for the foreseeable future. In the meantime I will look for youngsters on the team who look like they'll be keepers, I'll bitch about the older guys I've bitched about for a few years and I will root for my boys to win every Sunday no matter what the odds. I just won't be rooting as enthusiastically this year. Hey, maybe that's a good thing.
This season the team cleaned house. Gone was the big ticket acquisition like Owens, Drew Bledsoe or any number of overpriced busts we acquired through free agency or trade. Gone was the "bill" of goods the team sold us each winter and spring where they tried to get us to BILLieve. They didn't sign any big names. They didn't try to brainwash us into thinking they'd be a playoff team. They fired the coach and General Manager and decided to rebuild. Now other teams can take 2-3 years to rebuild but Buffalo has had 10 years and has tried to rebuild at least 3 times, maybe 4.
For us fans it's incredibly frustrating and Buffalo is the holder of a very dubious record at the present: They are one of two teams (Detroit is the other) that have gone the longest in the entire league without making it to the playoffs. Neither team has been there since 1999. That's right you have to go back to the 90's to find the last playoff team in Buffalo!
Now on the record, I have to say starting over with youngsters and building a team based on them instead of high priced has beens is the right move. This is how they began their rebuilding the last 3-4 times but they couldn't resist making the big splash in order to sell tickets. They tried to mix big signings with their youth movement as it's never worked. Sure it's a good idea to mix veteran players with your youthful core but it has to be the right guys at the right time. Right now is not the time to bring in any high priced players with high priced egos. Let the kids learn the job. Figure out who is worth building around these next few years. So I agree with what the team is doing right now but at the same time, that doesn't mean I am not bored with watching bad football from my hometown team.
It's almost like I want to take a break from the Bills for a couple of years and have someone wake me when they are getting good again but I know I can't do it. I love football too much, even if my team stinks, has stunk and will stink for the foreseeable future. In the meantime I will look for youngsters on the team who look like they'll be keepers, I'll bitch about the older guys I've bitched about for a few years and I will root for my boys to win every Sunday no matter what the odds. I just won't be rooting as enthusiastically this year. Hey, maybe that's a good thing.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 29) - "Without a Topic"
I find myself completely without a topic this evening. I knew this day would come. I have been jotting down anything and everything since I started this project and I have a list of dozens of potential blog topics. Even with all the ideas and outlines in my reserves, today I feel listless and not into writing. This is the hardest time to do it. This is also when I have to do it.
I think what adds to this are that the last 2 days haven't been the greatest 2 days. There's been a bit of bad luck and bad energy around me which I can't help but absorb sometimes. The good news is that it doesn't consume me any longer. In the old days I'd be pissed off, sad or cranky for a day or two before I figured out how or why. These days I catch myself after 5-10 minutes of feeling negatively from something I picked up in the air. Then I take the steps to enhance my mood. I'd like to get to the point where that stuff just bounces right me off like I was rubber. Yes, my goal is to be rubber.
After the back tire on my bike broke on the way home for lunch, right after the place I get lunch from occasionally was closed for 5-10 minutes and I couldn't get the lunch I wanted nor did I have the time to wait for them to open, I felt a little stressed. Not angry but stressed. I had to whip up something at home when I badly need to go grocery shopping and I had only 25 minutes to cook and eat. Time crunches can ramp up the tension. Plus now I had to walk back to work which would take about 10 more minutes than biking there. I had to scarf and scurry. Strangely though, I was really calm and deliberate as I approached a street corner about a block from my house. A car was waiting at the stop sign. I waited, they went. As I started to cross another car arrived at the intersection. He didn't stop or wait and scared the crap out of me. With my history I don't need close calls with cars. Few things can get me more on edge than seeing my past flash before my eyes... seeing my body bouncing on a car and getting catapulted through the air. I hate reliving that experience but when I have a near miss with a vehicle, it comes back. The 4+ months of rehab, the crutches and the purple ass... it was purple for almost a month!
So after that happened I marched back to work, more than a little annoyed. I sat down at my desk and proceeded to exorcise the demons, so to speak. Within 10 minutes I was good again. How did I do this? Well I've stated in the past that music can bring me back to happy and I use it often but this time I smothered my growing bad mood with kindness. I got back to work and proceeded to do some nice things for people. I wrote a nice email to one person, complimented another, offered to help yet another and intentionally made another person laugh.
I managed to take bad energy in its' developmental stage and somehow released and transformed it into kindness that turned my frown upside down. Now that's green energy! This is cooler than Mr. Fusion in Back to The Future turning beer cans and banana peels into time traveling energy! Well, maybe not. But I didn't know I was capable of using bad emotions and releasing it in a good way. Every new day is a learning experience I guess.
Anyway the point is, you're bound to run into jerks, bad luck and unfavorable situations out there and it's okay if you get down every once in a while. It's only natural. Things are going to get to you from time to time. I'm learning the key is not to let things keep you down. When you get knocked down, don't stay there and whine. Don't throw a pity party on the floor or try to grab someone else and drag them to your level. Deal with it and let it go. Get back up as quick as you can, dust off and come up with a new plan. And if you are already on your feet and you see someone else on the ground, extend a hand and help them up. It's worth it.
Well, that's today's life lesson for me... and I thought I didn't have anything to talk about.
I think what adds to this are that the last 2 days haven't been the greatest 2 days. There's been a bit of bad luck and bad energy around me which I can't help but absorb sometimes. The good news is that it doesn't consume me any longer. In the old days I'd be pissed off, sad or cranky for a day or two before I figured out how or why. These days I catch myself after 5-10 minutes of feeling negatively from something I picked up in the air. Then I take the steps to enhance my mood. I'd like to get to the point where that stuff just bounces right me off like I was rubber. Yes, my goal is to be rubber.
After the back tire on my bike broke on the way home for lunch, right after the place I get lunch from occasionally was closed for 5-10 minutes and I couldn't get the lunch I wanted nor did I have the time to wait for them to open, I felt a little stressed. Not angry but stressed. I had to whip up something at home when I badly need to go grocery shopping and I had only 25 minutes to cook and eat. Time crunches can ramp up the tension. Plus now I had to walk back to work which would take about 10 more minutes than biking there. I had to scarf and scurry. Strangely though, I was really calm and deliberate as I approached a street corner about a block from my house. A car was waiting at the stop sign. I waited, they went. As I started to cross another car arrived at the intersection. He didn't stop or wait and scared the crap out of me. With my history I don't need close calls with cars. Few things can get me more on edge than seeing my past flash before my eyes... seeing my body bouncing on a car and getting catapulted through the air. I hate reliving that experience but when I have a near miss with a vehicle, it comes back. The 4+ months of rehab, the crutches and the purple ass... it was purple for almost a month!
So after that happened I marched back to work, more than a little annoyed. I sat down at my desk and proceeded to exorcise the demons, so to speak. Within 10 minutes I was good again. How did I do this? Well I've stated in the past that music can bring me back to happy and I use it often but this time I smothered my growing bad mood with kindness. I got back to work and proceeded to do some nice things for people. I wrote a nice email to one person, complimented another, offered to help yet another and intentionally made another person laugh.
I managed to take bad energy in its' developmental stage and somehow released and transformed it into kindness that turned my frown upside down. Now that's green energy! This is cooler than Mr. Fusion in Back to The Future turning beer cans and banana peels into time traveling energy! Well, maybe not. But I didn't know I was capable of using bad emotions and releasing it in a good way. Every new day is a learning experience I guess.
Anyway the point is, you're bound to run into jerks, bad luck and unfavorable situations out there and it's okay if you get down every once in a while. It's only natural. Things are going to get to you from time to time. I'm learning the key is not to let things keep you down. When you get knocked down, don't stay there and whine. Don't throw a pity party on the floor or try to grab someone else and drag them to your level. Deal with it and let it go. Get back up as quick as you can, dust off and come up with a new plan. And if you are already on your feet and you see someone else on the ground, extend a hand and help them up. It's worth it.
Well, that's today's life lesson for me... and I thought I didn't have anything to talk about.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 28) - "Ed on Movies"
I've been thinking about movies a lot lately. From making a couple short films recently, writing out ideas for more and the rash of good looking films coming out these past few weeks I got movies on the brain. Plus the wonderful and highly recommended UB film seminar series starts on Tuesday nights just 2 weeks from tonight. I'll break that down a little later but first let talk about movies.
I was really discouraged by what had been coming out this summer. There were a lot of sequels, prequels, remakes, and adaptations but not a lot of original films and more than that not a lot of good ones. The ones I saw didn't impress me and many of the summer films had trailers that were so bad that I couldn't even justify a matinee price for them. It was disappointing because I want to believe every summer there will be a whole lot of great movies.
I remember starting off the season with Ironman 2 and while it was a solid film, it doesn't even come close to the original. Then I remember Sex and City 2, which looked so awful in the trailer I won't even watch it when it hits the Superstation sometime next year. FYI, I used to watch the series on HBO back in the day. I thought it was good writing. There was Tom Cruise in Knight & Day, where he's doing the Cruise face throughout the commercial and those big white teeth get bigger and creepier every time I see them.
Then there were some bad casting choices: Russell Crowe as Robin Hood, Ashton Kutcher as a Spy, and of course Cruise. Plus I was even wrong about something. I know right, me wrong? I was sooo looking forward to the Last Airbender because I was a fan of the story from the cartoons but that movie was trashed by everyone I know. I couldn't summon up the courage to go see it but unlike Sex and the City 2, I will watch it when it comes on FX or TNT next year.
What else turned me off... oh don't even get me started on the crap that was stolen from my childhood and repackaged for this generation like The A Team, The Karate Kid (with no karate in it), Predators, Nightmare on Elm Street and the soon to be released Piranha movie. Boy is that gonna suck. Some of these ideas that they are bringing back weren't even that good in the first place. I guess it's far easier to take an established idea and redo it than come up with something from scratch. It's also far easier for me to buy an independent film DVD for the same price I'd spend to one of those remakes.
I didn't have a lot of hope for this summer after those first few months and then Inception came along. It's a movie that I haven't watched yet but from what I've heard, read and seen, I know I'll like it. That seemed to turn the tide. Then I thought; well maybe the summer movie season can be salvaged. With Scott Pilgrim, Eat Pray Love, and The American either just coming out or a week or two away I'm starting to think that will be the case and then the UB Film seminar will begin and I'll be awash in classic films for a while and not in need of newer films to entice and thrill me.
For those of you who don't know about the film seminar, it's a class at UB where a husband and wife team of professors teach a class on film and the lab, so to speak, is at the Market Arcade each Tuesday night and is open to the general public. Half the crowd will be students with notepads out and their pens going throughout the film and the other half of the crowd will be people like me, who've never seen most of these amazing films, or maybe seeing them again, but this time on a big screen. The professors set the movie up before it is played and then there is an often informative question and answer period right after it ends. It's a very cool movie series. For more information (including the schedule) go to their site: http://csac.buffalo.edu/bfs.html I'm going to go to pretty much all of them so if you want to combine forces, let me know.
Well, that's all the movie talk I have in me for one evening. Keep in mind I am full of it and I don't know what I am talking about so if I insulted a movie you liked, no worries. To each their own, but since it's my blog, I'm right. Cut and print.
I was really discouraged by what had been coming out this summer. There were a lot of sequels, prequels, remakes, and adaptations but not a lot of original films and more than that not a lot of good ones. The ones I saw didn't impress me and many of the summer films had trailers that were so bad that I couldn't even justify a matinee price for them. It was disappointing because I want to believe every summer there will be a whole lot of great movies.
I remember starting off the season with Ironman 2 and while it was a solid film, it doesn't even come close to the original. Then I remember Sex and City 2, which looked so awful in the trailer I won't even watch it when it hits the Superstation sometime next year. FYI, I used to watch the series on HBO back in the day. I thought it was good writing. There was Tom Cruise in Knight & Day, where he's doing the Cruise face throughout the commercial and those big white teeth get bigger and creepier every time I see them.
Then there were some bad casting choices: Russell Crowe as Robin Hood, Ashton Kutcher as a Spy, and of course Cruise. Plus I was even wrong about something. I know right, me wrong? I was sooo looking forward to the Last Airbender because I was a fan of the story from the cartoons but that movie was trashed by everyone I know. I couldn't summon up the courage to go see it but unlike Sex and the City 2, I will watch it when it comes on FX or TNT next year.
What else turned me off... oh don't even get me started on the crap that was stolen from my childhood and repackaged for this generation like The A Team, The Karate Kid (with no karate in it), Predators, Nightmare on Elm Street and the soon to be released Piranha movie. Boy is that gonna suck. Some of these ideas that they are bringing back weren't even that good in the first place. I guess it's far easier to take an established idea and redo it than come up with something from scratch. It's also far easier for me to buy an independent film DVD for the same price I'd spend to one of those remakes.
I didn't have a lot of hope for this summer after those first few months and then Inception came along. It's a movie that I haven't watched yet but from what I've heard, read and seen, I know I'll like it. That seemed to turn the tide. Then I thought; well maybe the summer movie season can be salvaged. With Scott Pilgrim, Eat Pray Love, and The American either just coming out or a week or two away I'm starting to think that will be the case and then the UB Film seminar will begin and I'll be awash in classic films for a while and not in need of newer films to entice and thrill me.
For those of you who don't know about the film seminar, it's a class at UB where a husband and wife team of professors teach a class on film and the lab, so to speak, is at the Market Arcade each Tuesday night and is open to the general public. Half the crowd will be students with notepads out and their pens going throughout the film and the other half of the crowd will be people like me, who've never seen most of these amazing films, or maybe seeing them again, but this time on a big screen. The professors set the movie up before it is played and then there is an often informative question and answer period right after it ends. It's a very cool movie series. For more information (including the schedule) go to their site: http://csac.buffalo.edu/bfs.html I'm going to go to pretty much all of them so if you want to combine forces, let me know.
Well, that's all the movie talk I have in me for one evening. Keep in mind I am full of it and I don't know what I am talking about so if I insulted a movie you liked, no worries. To each their own, but since it's my blog, I'm right. Cut and print.
Monday, August 16, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 27) - "Joy"
Have you ever been having a rotten day that's so rotten you don't even want to leave the house? Somehow you do leave the house, not because you want to but because you have to. While out in such a crabby mood you encounter people and maybe whether you realize it or not, you influence THEIR mood. I don't know about you but when I am walking down the street and someone storms by in a pissy fashion, I feel their energy. I find it to be a bummer. On the other hand, when someone walks by feeling like a million bucks with a smile as wide as can be, it makes me smile, maybe not as wide but I feel their energy too and it makes me feel good. I'm not saying that everyone should don't worry be happy, because I know it's not that easy but what I am saying is that I believe we are all connected and thus we should consider that when we encounter each other on a daily basis. If you have reason to be upset, then you are going to be upset but try not to take your anger out on someone else, whether they are someone you care for or a complete stranger.
I hate bad juju. I don't even like to talk about negative energy, bad karma or bad attitudes. That stuff stays with you. Well so does joy. Joy is just as powerful. It reminds me of in Empire Strikes Back when Luke asks Yoda if the dark side of the force is stronger than the light side. Yoda replies; No. Quicker, easier, more seductive. Sure the bad energy can be more powerful in terms of consequences but joy can bring about miracles. It can inspire people to do miraculous things and love deeper than anyone thought possible.
These days I keep score. I pay attention to where bad energy comes from as well as joy. I stay away from those who give off the bad and I am attracted to those who give off the good. I don't care if a person is flawed, broken, has problems or whatever, if they have a good heart and do the right things when it counts they are cool with me.
When I go out into the world and consume I really keep score. If I go to a restaurant and the server is mean and awful, a lot of times I won't go back even though I know it's an employee and not the actual place that was that way. If I go to a store, or bar or any establishment and run into the bad juju, chances are you won't see me there again. Conversely, I love Caffe Aroma because one of my favorite professional people is there. She always greets you with a smile and takes pride in what she does. She makes up her own names for the drinks and even when she has bad stuff going on in her life, she won't let that intercede with the moment. She treats each moment as precious. Now that's joy! I love going to places where the people take pride in what they do, whether it's a doctor or a janitor. That's an admirable trait and that joy gives me joy. If I were to go get a drink at the Caffe and she is there, I always walk out with a smile on my face, even if I didn't have one when I came in just because her energy is so great. I wish there were more people like that out there.
You've heard the cliché: "A smile is contagious, pass it around." It's SO true! When you go out today, if things are okay and if you are able, smile and wear that smile for a while and see what happens. You might just make someone's day!
-"Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it."
-"Everyone smiles in the same language."
-"The shortest distance between two people is a smile."
I hate bad juju. I don't even like to talk about negative energy, bad karma or bad attitudes. That stuff stays with you. Well so does joy. Joy is just as powerful. It reminds me of in Empire Strikes Back when Luke asks Yoda if the dark side of the force is stronger than the light side. Yoda replies; No. Quicker, easier, more seductive. Sure the bad energy can be more powerful in terms of consequences but joy can bring about miracles. It can inspire people to do miraculous things and love deeper than anyone thought possible.
These days I keep score. I pay attention to where bad energy comes from as well as joy. I stay away from those who give off the bad and I am attracted to those who give off the good. I don't care if a person is flawed, broken, has problems or whatever, if they have a good heart and do the right things when it counts they are cool with me.
When I go out into the world and consume I really keep score. If I go to a restaurant and the server is mean and awful, a lot of times I won't go back even though I know it's an employee and not the actual place that was that way. If I go to a store, or bar or any establishment and run into the bad juju, chances are you won't see me there again. Conversely, I love Caffe Aroma because one of my favorite professional people is there. She always greets you with a smile and takes pride in what she does. She makes up her own names for the drinks and even when she has bad stuff going on in her life, she won't let that intercede with the moment. She treats each moment as precious. Now that's joy! I love going to places where the people take pride in what they do, whether it's a doctor or a janitor. That's an admirable trait and that joy gives me joy. If I were to go get a drink at the Caffe and she is there, I always walk out with a smile on my face, even if I didn't have one when I came in just because her energy is so great. I wish there were more people like that out there.
You've heard the cliché: "A smile is contagious, pass it around." It's SO true! When you go out today, if things are okay and if you are able, smile and wear that smile for a while and see what happens. You might just make someone's day!
-"Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it."
-"Everyone smiles in the same language."
-"The shortest distance between two people is a smile."
Sunday, August 15, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 26) - "Safe at Home"
This morning I played my last softball game. I have been playing on a ton of teams for the last 7 summers. Most of the time I played on 3-4 teams each year but this summer I only really played on one. I think that may have been a sign. I just wasn't having as much fun out there. My reasons for playing this year weren't even because I was dying to play like I used to feel every summer. It simply was a case of wanting to redeem myself from last season when I hit like garbage. Perhaps it was also a force of habit. Maybe I felt like I had to play because I always have. Regardless, I did it and I hit really well this summer and proved to myself that I still could.
Today was just another example. I went 3 for 3 with 2 singles and a hustle double where I felt like I was running at my best speed of the summer. My sore ankle was cooperating today and my weight is probably as low right now as it has been for a few years so on that first hit I felt like I was flying around the bases. I felt that jump in my step again. It was very satisfying. Despite my solid game we couldn't overcome 1 huge inning by the other team and we fell right out the playoffs and our season ended. If you've seen my facebook pics from today you'll see that I gave everything I had and left some skin on the field out there. That's me, if I commit to do something I go full throttle. I don't give you a half ass job or a lackadaisical effort. I give you everything I have. After I ripped the skin off my leg my captain had the nerve to ask me if I wanted a substitute runner. No way was I coming out. It was just some blood.
Why I'd give up some skin and blood for this team is beyond me. This might have been one of the worst teams I've ever played on. Don't get me wrong, there was some talent on this team but we only had 3 people back from last year and there were all these new people who could care less about everyone else on the team. I compare that to kickball where we are all pulling for each other and there are always kind and encouraging words for everyone... even when someone fails out there. Now that's a team! We go out after the games and we even go out on other nights. My softball team is the exact opposite. 5 minutes after the game ends you'd be lucky to still find 4 of us hanging around at the field. What fun is that?
Another reason why I think my time has come is my desire to do other stuff grows and grows. I've done so many things the past few summers and I'm always up for trying even more! During the summertime in this area there are a million things to do and quite often this summer I had to miss something due to having a game. When I'm out there playing a game and my mind is on what I had to give up to be playing that day, well it's probably a sign I should be doing that other thing.
I'll never forget the rush of winning the league title 2 years ago in August 2008. Before that summer of 2008 I was in bad shape. I spent the winter and early spring rehabbing my ass off from a broken leg and knee ligament damage. When I was cleared to play sports in late April, it was only a few weeks before the start of that season. I loved the hell out of everything I played that summer. I felt so fortunate just to be back out there playing again. When we won the league title with a lineup of 4 guys and 6 girls against the other team's normal lineup of 6 guys and 4 girls, boy was that sweet. We had a core of solid players and people who I knew and liked. Unfortunately people moved away, started their own teams or simply joined another team and after that fun season everything started to go downhill. When we came back last year there was a whole new team of idiots, perverts, flaky females and only a couple of us left from that title team. This year we replaced all the misfits with strangers who just weren't a lot of fun to play with.
Maybe kickball spoiled me. I'm just having too much fun out there.
I don't want to say for certain that I am retired for good from softball but unless I run into a really fun team one of these days, I'm thinking I don't need to play any more. Here's hoping football is still a blast when that starts in a few weeks otherwise all this retiring may be contagious.
Today was just another example. I went 3 for 3 with 2 singles and a hustle double where I felt like I was running at my best speed of the summer. My sore ankle was cooperating today and my weight is probably as low right now as it has been for a few years so on that first hit I felt like I was flying around the bases. I felt that jump in my step again. It was very satisfying. Despite my solid game we couldn't overcome 1 huge inning by the other team and we fell right out the playoffs and our season ended. If you've seen my facebook pics from today you'll see that I gave everything I had and left some skin on the field out there. That's me, if I commit to do something I go full throttle. I don't give you a half ass job or a lackadaisical effort. I give you everything I have. After I ripped the skin off my leg my captain had the nerve to ask me if I wanted a substitute runner. No way was I coming out. It was just some blood.
Why I'd give up some skin and blood for this team is beyond me. This might have been one of the worst teams I've ever played on. Don't get me wrong, there was some talent on this team but we only had 3 people back from last year and there were all these new people who could care less about everyone else on the team. I compare that to kickball where we are all pulling for each other and there are always kind and encouraging words for everyone... even when someone fails out there. Now that's a team! We go out after the games and we even go out on other nights. My softball team is the exact opposite. 5 minutes after the game ends you'd be lucky to still find 4 of us hanging around at the field. What fun is that?
Another reason why I think my time has come is my desire to do other stuff grows and grows. I've done so many things the past few summers and I'm always up for trying even more! During the summertime in this area there are a million things to do and quite often this summer I had to miss something due to having a game. When I'm out there playing a game and my mind is on what I had to give up to be playing that day, well it's probably a sign I should be doing that other thing.
I'll never forget the rush of winning the league title 2 years ago in August 2008. Before that summer of 2008 I was in bad shape. I spent the winter and early spring rehabbing my ass off from a broken leg and knee ligament damage. When I was cleared to play sports in late April, it was only a few weeks before the start of that season. I loved the hell out of everything I played that summer. I felt so fortunate just to be back out there playing again. When we won the league title with a lineup of 4 guys and 6 girls against the other team's normal lineup of 6 guys and 4 girls, boy was that sweet. We had a core of solid players and people who I knew and liked. Unfortunately people moved away, started their own teams or simply joined another team and after that fun season everything started to go downhill. When we came back last year there was a whole new team of idiots, perverts, flaky females and only a couple of us left from that title team. This year we replaced all the misfits with strangers who just weren't a lot of fun to play with.
Maybe kickball spoiled me. I'm just having too much fun out there.
I don't want to say for certain that I am retired for good from softball but unless I run into a really fun team one of these days, I'm thinking I don't need to play any more. Here's hoping football is still a blast when that starts in a few weeks otherwise all this retiring may be contagious.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 25) - "Give Me Something to Believe in"
Belief is a very powerful thing. It inspires people to great feats of love and hate, good and evil. Yet the very word itself implies that whatever actions you are taking, you are taking for an idea or a premise you cannot be certain about. Despite lacking indisputable proof about a great many things we function in our daily life with a very elaborate and complicated belief system running the show. We couldn't live without our beliefs. To each one of us they are more than a feeling, thought or a superstition. They are who we are.
In a way they are soft truths that we hold the way we also hold hard truth. We do this due to many factors such as a lack of desire, ability or time to know that undisputed truth. Sometimes we can't know... it's beyond our comprehension. Sometimes we don't want to know and often we just don't have the time to discover what that truth is. Life is too short to know everything. Frankly, most of us (myself included) actually know very little. There's nothing wrong with that until you start to believe you know more than everyone else. That's when your beliefs become more than that.
It can get us into trouble. I believe that in the history of humankind more people have died for their beliefs than for any other reason. We believe in different gods, different morals, different ways to express ourselves and that's just the beginning. When you look at it from the big picture, it's astonishing. There are billions of people on this planet and most of us can't agree despite having the same basic needs and so many similarities. We are complex creatures, I understand that. But why do people have to die for what they believe? People have been killing one another over beliefs since the beginning of humans and it still goes on today. Have we learned nothing? Will it ever end?
Some people believe so purely, so deeply that they hold that idea as their own personal truth. They won't waiver and they don't want to hear a counter argument. They might even get offended if you or I referred to it as their "beliefs". When it's something they KNOW despite lacking the prerequisite proof to substantiate their ideas into facts, it can be tough on other people. They'll say, "I don't believe, I know". That must be nice.
Now I don't care what your personal truths are. Believe in what you want to and enjoy. But when personal truths are extended outside of the person who creates them, I think it's best to realize they are beliefs again. Why is that? I may not believe you what believe. If I do, that's great and if we disagree, that's great too. Our uniqueness is what makes us so wonderful and beautiful. Let's be respectful of each others ideas and beliefs despite how emphatically we view our own inside our hearts and minds.
As you might be able to tell, I'm a natural skeptic. I think things through a lot. I plan and I anticipate. I don't trust easily and I'm always asking questions. But I do try to maintain an open mind about most things. I try to be respectful if I don't agree and often times if you feel strongly about something I don't feel that way about or don't understand I will ask you about it because it's important to you. Knowledge comes from external forces and I won't learn much if I stay inside my head all day. Besides, I really want to believe in so many things that other people do and find solace, enjoyment and contentment in but I'm always questioning. I might have taken one too many philosophy courses in college. So unfortunately I believe in very little although I am hopeful about a whole lot of stuff. I believe I'd call that wanting to believe, just not quite there yet.
To me belief is all about trust. It's all about your confidence in something. I think it applies to people as much as philosophy and ideas. I think love can be a belief. You can't ever know someone completely, you just can't. Many people might say they don't even completely know themselves. This explains why many relationships break down over time. You think you know someone but then you find out something about them, they stop pretending to be what you want or they change unexpectedly and now the trust starts to evaporate along with that belief. It's why I don't give my heart away easily. I really have to get to know someone first.
Love is a leap of faith. I say that a lot. You gather quite a bit of information on someone through dates, hanging out, or some type of interaction and then you reach a point where you feel good enough about the person to make the leap. You take a chance. It's a gamble and the rewards are greater than the risks. Sure a broken heart sucks, but it goes away after a period of time. A lifelong romance lasts, well a lifetime. It can't happen without believing and trusting in someone.
Speaking of which, is there anything better than believing in someone and then they confirm why you trusted in them? You feel a level of satisfaction with yourself for taking a risk, even if it's a small one, and then being proved right. But more than that you feel enormous joy for that person you believed in who accomplished something wonderful. Now that's something we can all believe in.
I say whatever you want to believe in, whoever you want to trust, go for it. Have fun, but be careful, respectful and thoughtful. Between you and me, I say if you really want to believe in something real, believe in yourself.
"For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." – Stuart Chase
In a way they are soft truths that we hold the way we also hold hard truth. We do this due to many factors such as a lack of desire, ability or time to know that undisputed truth. Sometimes we can't know... it's beyond our comprehension. Sometimes we don't want to know and often we just don't have the time to discover what that truth is. Life is too short to know everything. Frankly, most of us (myself included) actually know very little. There's nothing wrong with that until you start to believe you know more than everyone else. That's when your beliefs become more than that.
It can get us into trouble. I believe that in the history of humankind more people have died for their beliefs than for any other reason. We believe in different gods, different morals, different ways to express ourselves and that's just the beginning. When you look at it from the big picture, it's astonishing. There are billions of people on this planet and most of us can't agree despite having the same basic needs and so many similarities. We are complex creatures, I understand that. But why do people have to die for what they believe? People have been killing one another over beliefs since the beginning of humans and it still goes on today. Have we learned nothing? Will it ever end?
Some people believe so purely, so deeply that they hold that idea as their own personal truth. They won't waiver and they don't want to hear a counter argument. They might even get offended if you or I referred to it as their "beliefs". When it's something they KNOW despite lacking the prerequisite proof to substantiate their ideas into facts, it can be tough on other people. They'll say, "I don't believe, I know". That must be nice.
Now I don't care what your personal truths are. Believe in what you want to and enjoy. But when personal truths are extended outside of the person who creates them, I think it's best to realize they are beliefs again. Why is that? I may not believe you what believe. If I do, that's great and if we disagree, that's great too. Our uniqueness is what makes us so wonderful and beautiful. Let's be respectful of each others ideas and beliefs despite how emphatically we view our own inside our hearts and minds.
As you might be able to tell, I'm a natural skeptic. I think things through a lot. I plan and I anticipate. I don't trust easily and I'm always asking questions. But I do try to maintain an open mind about most things. I try to be respectful if I don't agree and often times if you feel strongly about something I don't feel that way about or don't understand I will ask you about it because it's important to you. Knowledge comes from external forces and I won't learn much if I stay inside my head all day. Besides, I really want to believe in so many things that other people do and find solace, enjoyment and contentment in but I'm always questioning. I might have taken one too many philosophy courses in college. So unfortunately I believe in very little although I am hopeful about a whole lot of stuff. I believe I'd call that wanting to believe, just not quite there yet.
To me belief is all about trust. It's all about your confidence in something. I think it applies to people as much as philosophy and ideas. I think love can be a belief. You can't ever know someone completely, you just can't. Many people might say they don't even completely know themselves. This explains why many relationships break down over time. You think you know someone but then you find out something about them, they stop pretending to be what you want or they change unexpectedly and now the trust starts to evaporate along with that belief. It's why I don't give my heart away easily. I really have to get to know someone first.
Love is a leap of faith. I say that a lot. You gather quite a bit of information on someone through dates, hanging out, or some type of interaction and then you reach a point where you feel good enough about the person to make the leap. You take a chance. It's a gamble and the rewards are greater than the risks. Sure a broken heart sucks, but it goes away after a period of time. A lifelong romance lasts, well a lifetime. It can't happen without believing and trusting in someone.
Speaking of which, is there anything better than believing in someone and then they confirm why you trusted in them? You feel a level of satisfaction with yourself for taking a risk, even if it's a small one, and then being proved right. But more than that you feel enormous joy for that person you believed in who accomplished something wonderful. Now that's something we can all believe in.
I say whatever you want to believe in, whoever you want to trust, go for it. Have fun, but be careful, respectful and thoughtful. Between you and me, I say if you really want to believe in something real, believe in yourself.
"For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." – Stuart Chase
Friday, August 13, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 24) - "Confidence"
As I was walking home Tuesday night I reached into my pocket to pull out my phone. I wasn't looking to make a call or check my messages; I just wanted to know the time. When the display lit up I was astonished. It was a few minutes past midnight. What the hell was I thinking? It was a work night.
It was my friend's birthday that day and we went out for a few drinks but if I remember correctly he went home somewhere around 10:30. I sat on the patio of Caffe Aroma, my home away from home, and my friend and I struck up a conversation with a couple of Buffalo State students. Both were females and they were kind of entertaining if not interesting so we chatted... and chatted... and chatted. I think we spoke for almost an hour.
The chattier of the two was this strong female. She was the kind of girl who'd put a guy in headlock, right after insulting him. She spoke freely and inappropriately but it amused me and as always I was locked into the moment so I enjoyed it. The other girl was a little quiet but she had a good reason. She had quite an accent and it wasn't always easy to understand her English. She was a Greek girl, sexy and mysterious with big beautiful hair but I wasn't into her other than physically. I need more than that. I need a connection, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. The looks are the bonus. You see, with me looks aren't everything. They aren't even most of it but I digress.
This is just one of nearly a dozen examples of recent events. I find myself talking to women easily and freely which is something I've hardly ever been able to do. With the online dating thing, I'm getting a good amount of messages and for once in my life I actually have to consider who I want to talk to. Usually I set my sights on one person and when that's over I start again, sometimes with a very long break in between, lol. Nowadays I'm feeling good and it's starting to show.
I'm starting to take on ambitious projects and dreams are coming true. 2010 is truly going well. I'm losing weight, making good choices, and enjoying amazing experiences. I'm channeling creative energy in wonderful ways, my wit feels sharper than it has been in years, my charm is up, and my confidence is up. It's feels like I'm entering my prime... at 36! What can I say, I'm a late bloomer.
Things are going well in my life right now in most areas and I love it. I feel like I have more power, more skill and more energy but I don't know if I really do. I probably have all the tools I've always had but been afraid or unwilling to use for some reason. Something has brought all of it out and I am grateful. My confidence is at an all time high and I feel like the sky is the limit.
I was going to write "this is my year" but forget that. Dream big I say. This is my life!
It was my friend's birthday that day and we went out for a few drinks but if I remember correctly he went home somewhere around 10:30. I sat on the patio of Caffe Aroma, my home away from home, and my friend and I struck up a conversation with a couple of Buffalo State students. Both were females and they were kind of entertaining if not interesting so we chatted... and chatted... and chatted. I think we spoke for almost an hour.
The chattier of the two was this strong female. She was the kind of girl who'd put a guy in headlock, right after insulting him. She spoke freely and inappropriately but it amused me and as always I was locked into the moment so I enjoyed it. The other girl was a little quiet but she had a good reason. She had quite an accent and it wasn't always easy to understand her English. She was a Greek girl, sexy and mysterious with big beautiful hair but I wasn't into her other than physically. I need more than that. I need a connection, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. The looks are the bonus. You see, with me looks aren't everything. They aren't even most of it but I digress.
This is just one of nearly a dozen examples of recent events. I find myself talking to women easily and freely which is something I've hardly ever been able to do. With the online dating thing, I'm getting a good amount of messages and for once in my life I actually have to consider who I want to talk to. Usually I set my sights on one person and when that's over I start again, sometimes with a very long break in between, lol. Nowadays I'm feeling good and it's starting to show.
I'm starting to take on ambitious projects and dreams are coming true. 2010 is truly going well. I'm losing weight, making good choices, and enjoying amazing experiences. I'm channeling creative energy in wonderful ways, my wit feels sharper than it has been in years, my charm is up, and my confidence is up. It's feels like I'm entering my prime... at 36! What can I say, I'm a late bloomer.
Things are going well in my life right now in most areas and I love it. I feel like I have more power, more skill and more energy but I don't know if I really do. I probably have all the tools I've always had but been afraid or unwilling to use for some reason. Something has brought all of it out and I am grateful. My confidence is at an all time high and I feel like the sky is the limit.
I was going to write "this is my year" but forget that. Dream big I say. This is my life!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 23) - "Relief"
Throughout the day I was really excited about our film showing at the Market Arcade earlier this evening. It wasn't how you think though. I wasn't sitting around nervous or worried about my performance. I felt like I was fine. I make people laugh, that's what I do. Sometimes it's a chuckle or a smile and other times it's rolling on the floor laughter. I can't help myself sometimes. If I see an opportunity to drop a line, an observation or just be my silly self, I can't resist. To pun or not to pun...
Most of the day I found myself thinking about the rest of the team. I thought about the leads and how their nerves could be going. I especially thought about the female lead because she is a friend of mine. Plus I know that the nerves for her were beginning last night. I thought about our producer and all the time, energy and even the money she put into it. Typical Ed I guess. I was more worried about others than myself. On a personal note I lost my voice due to overuse from last weekend and as I'm typing this I think it is still only 75%. I may need 2 or 3 more days before I get my sexy back.
When the lights went out earlier tonight and the films started I might have felt a tinge of nerves but it went away quickly. I thought there's nothing that can be done now. It was what it was and what it turned out to be was really funny, especially the first half of it. Creatively I didn't fight for what I wanted (a different ending) because of the time constraints and I didn't want to bark too loudly. This wasn't my baby. I was just an uncle or a cousin. Yeah I wrote a little, made some suggestions and acted if that's what you want to call it (more like acted silly) but as the host tonight at the films mentioned, it's not easy to get 5 or 10 people in a room to agree.
So now that's it's over I feel great. As I mentioned I wasn't too nervous which surprised me but there was a dull weight I felt because the project wasn't finished until we saw it on the screen. At least that's how I saw it. Like a mama bird I couldn't completely let it go until it was ready to fly out into the world on its own. Almost the second it was over I felt incredible relief. The adventure was over... time for the next one! Before I start down that road I think I need to get my voice back first!
Most of the day I found myself thinking about the rest of the team. I thought about the leads and how their nerves could be going. I especially thought about the female lead because she is a friend of mine. Plus I know that the nerves for her were beginning last night. I thought about our producer and all the time, energy and even the money she put into it. Typical Ed I guess. I was more worried about others than myself. On a personal note I lost my voice due to overuse from last weekend and as I'm typing this I think it is still only 75%. I may need 2 or 3 more days before I get my sexy back.
When the lights went out earlier tonight and the films started I might have felt a tinge of nerves but it went away quickly. I thought there's nothing that can be done now. It was what it was and what it turned out to be was really funny, especially the first half of it. Creatively I didn't fight for what I wanted (a different ending) because of the time constraints and I didn't want to bark too loudly. This wasn't my baby. I was just an uncle or a cousin. Yeah I wrote a little, made some suggestions and acted if that's what you want to call it (more like acted silly) but as the host tonight at the films mentioned, it's not easy to get 5 or 10 people in a room to agree.
So now that's it's over I feel great. As I mentioned I wasn't too nervous which surprised me but there was a dull weight I felt because the project wasn't finished until we saw it on the screen. At least that's how I saw it. Like a mama bird I couldn't completely let it go until it was ready to fly out into the world on its own. Almost the second it was over I felt incredible relief. The adventure was over... time for the next one! Before I start down that road I think I need to get my voice back first!
100 Blogs in 100 Days (Day 22) - "Nerves!"
Tonight I went with most of the movie team down to the first night of the 48 Hour Film Project. Predictably there were some great films and there were some that weren't so good. With our film set to air tomorrow night I wasn't sure if tonight's films would make me feel better or worse about our short film.
As it turns out I feel better about tomorrow night. The films I just watched had angles, zooms, edits, multiple cameras, trained actors and who knows what else but what ours lacks in toys, it should make up in entertainment. Our film will surely come off as low tech compared to the other films but I feel like there will be some silliness and comedy there to entertain the viewers. Because of how advanced many of the other films will be, I think ours will stand out due to its simplicity and lack of shiny, pretty things.
I've already learned so much from this process and that includes watching the films tonight. I learned I know a very talented and very good actress. I learned that I know other talented people and most of all; I learned I can do this. I can write a piece. I can act in one. I know I can do it and that is a very good start. Once you know you can do something your thought process changes from I wonder if I can do this to what am I going to do next?
Before we move onto what's next, come on down tomorrow night and see what's first.
Tomorrow night's blog will be about the experience.
Market Arcade, 7pm, $9, 48 Hour Film Project. Get there early!
As it turns out I feel better about tomorrow night. The films I just watched had angles, zooms, edits, multiple cameras, trained actors and who knows what else but what ours lacks in toys, it should make up in entertainment. Our film will surely come off as low tech compared to the other films but I feel like there will be some silliness and comedy there to entertain the viewers. Because of how advanced many of the other films will be, I think ours will stand out due to its simplicity and lack of shiny, pretty things.
I've already learned so much from this process and that includes watching the films tonight. I learned I know a very talented and very good actress. I learned that I know other talented people and most of all; I learned I can do this. I can write a piece. I can act in one. I know I can do it and that is a very good start. Once you know you can do something your thought process changes from I wonder if I can do this to what am I going to do next?
Before we move onto what's next, come on down tomorrow night and see what's first.
Tomorrow night's blog will be about the experience.
Market Arcade, 7pm, $9, 48 Hour Film Project. Get there early!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 21) - "Online Dating"
I’ve been on some online dating sites for a while now and overall they have not worked for me. I know several couples, married couples mind you, who have met online and fell in love and all that good stuff. But most of the women I meet on there just don’t do it for me. First take into account that I am a unique character looking for a unique woman who I think is the greatest woman around and already the decks are stacked against me. Then look at me on paper. On paper I’m not too appealing to many women. I know that. With me, if you look only at printable facts ($, degrees, possessions, even pictures) I don’t measure up to other choices out there and unfortunately many women can’t get past a profile. My charm and quality come through in conversation and as you get to know me. In reality I think I am a wonderful guy. Most people who know me would probably tell you. I guess that’s the key, if only you knew me. Plus it’s hard to translate great heart, honesty, loyalty, mind and spirit onto a profile but then I get to hear single women ramble on about finding a funny, smart, trust worthy guy with a good heart. HELLO! Do I have to wait until I’m around 50 when all the women my age are finished playing with the hot, rich and dangerous guys who treat them like crap, lie to them, disappoint them and break their hearts?
To make it a lot tougher, there’s my side of it. Many of the women on these sites just don’t appeal to me. It’s more than what my friends would describe as me being excessively picky although that has a lot to do with it. When I scan through the profiles a lot of the women look older than their ages! I look at the pictures for some 30 year olds and they look over 40! Say what you want about me and my weight troubles over the years but I’ve taken care of myself in other ways. I play sports and sweat all the time. I hardly get stressed about little things, generally keep an upbeat demeanor and I’m young at heart so maybe that helps me to look young for my age. Perhaps it’s my multi-racialness too, who knows? On my 36th birthday the other day, people kept telling me I looked 26 and 28 when I told them how old I was and boy did it bring a smile to my face each time. I’m a big kid and I suspect I am always going to look good for my age. That’s what I want in my partner. I’ve decided I can’t date someone who looks much older than they really are because I think that they are not like me in spirit. I don’t think the energy will click. I’m looking for a kindred spirit.
“One good thing about Internet dating: you’re guaranteed to click with whomever you meet.” –Anonymous
Well since I put the aging thing out there, I may as well mention other things that will not click or at least worry me about a potential mate.
Women with kids- I’m sorry but I want to be part of the process. Whether that means being the biological father or even selecting the child with my wife from adoption, I don’t want to raise someone else’s kids. Just like how I want to get married only one time in my life, I want to have something to do with any kids I have. Maybe it makes me old fashioned, but that’s me.
Suburbanites & Money- I’m not saying I wouldn’t date a suburbanite because that’s ridiculous but I do worry about chemistry with someone who has lived in the burbs their whole life. I’ve lived in the city my whole life and lots of times in poor neighborhoods. If the woman is not incredibly kind and open minded, then I really worry about us coming from different places. Because I’ve never had much I tend to take very little for granted. However someone who came from money or generous circumstances may view life differently and I might annoy them over what I value while they would certainly annoy me. I’m never impressed by money, possessions or material things. All I care about is you. When I meet women I often wonder how we will relate culturally and from our upbringings. It’s not a dealbreaker but I think I can connect a lot easier with a woman who comes from a somewhat similar place.
Shallow, phony people- This goes without saying. I perceive this as bad energy and I avoid it from every direction. If I meet a phony guy, I know I’ll never be friends with him. If I meet a phony woman, she’ll be lucky to get the time of day from me. Life is too important than to deal with the drama and games of people who aren’t on the level I feel like I am at.
When I am on these dating sites, I feel like sometimes I can see these things right there on the page. When a woman discusses liking the “finer things in life” or one who is going on about looking for her man to spoil her, I look on. I am so going to spoil my love with everything I am capable of giving to her, but mostly it will not be tangible. Knowing is better than having to me.
I’m currently on two sites and I probably get a message each day. My conversations with the women on these sites are often brief and cold. They don’t seem natural. The women seem stuck up, boring or stiff. Everybody is having little luck out there and everyone is untrusting. It feels so lifeless communicating with most of these women. Perhaps someone like me should be meeting women out there in the world, not on a page.
Either way, I know I’m not perfect. I do have my baggage. I’m a work in progress. I know I have tremendous strength and great heart inside of me but I know I feel stronger when I am part of a unit. What I’m thinking is I want someone who inspires me to be a better man. I want someone who inspires me to do the things I have been unwilling or unable to do in life. I want a “life muse” who is also my best friend. I want her to be the person I confide everything in. I want her to be the person I trust above all others and of course I want to be all of those things for her. I want her to have a smile that lights up the room. I want her to be the person I admire greatly and treat like gold and also the person who makes me so crazy (in the good sense) that I want to devour her all the time. So there it is, respect and ravage. Seems simple enough right? That’s what I am looking for. Easier said than done it seems.
I’d like to add for all my friends who are thinking that I have to lower my standards that I am not invulnerable to amazing women who don’t fit what I am looking for. There are a few women that I know with a little meat on their bones that unfortunately live in other cities or I would date them in a heartbeat. There’s a blonde out there that I think the world of and would also date in a second despite her being blonde. There are even a few women I know who listen to pop radio (oh the humanity) that I’d also date without hesitation. I guess the problem with these examples is that none of these women are available to me but the point is that if a wonderful woman comes along and she doesn’t fit the mold of what I’ve traditionally been attracted to, I will ignore my guidelines.
So I keep looking, high and low, near and far. I have so much love to give but I can’t find the person to give it to. With online dating I’ve learned to have high hopes but low expectations. I’ll keep going on there for now but I am starting to think it may not be worth it. What are your opinions on online dating?
"Do you believe in computer dating?”
“Only if the computers really love each other.” - Groucho Marx
To make it a lot tougher, there’s my side of it. Many of the women on these sites just don’t appeal to me. It’s more than what my friends would describe as me being excessively picky although that has a lot to do with it. When I scan through the profiles a lot of the women look older than their ages! I look at the pictures for some 30 year olds and they look over 40! Say what you want about me and my weight troubles over the years but I’ve taken care of myself in other ways. I play sports and sweat all the time. I hardly get stressed about little things, generally keep an upbeat demeanor and I’m young at heart so maybe that helps me to look young for my age. Perhaps it’s my multi-racialness too, who knows? On my 36th birthday the other day, people kept telling me I looked 26 and 28 when I told them how old I was and boy did it bring a smile to my face each time. I’m a big kid and I suspect I am always going to look good for my age. That’s what I want in my partner. I’ve decided I can’t date someone who looks much older than they really are because I think that they are not like me in spirit. I don’t think the energy will click. I’m looking for a kindred spirit.
“One good thing about Internet dating: you’re guaranteed to click with whomever you meet.” –Anonymous
Well since I put the aging thing out there, I may as well mention other things that will not click or at least worry me about a potential mate.
Women with kids- I’m sorry but I want to be part of the process. Whether that means being the biological father or even selecting the child with my wife from adoption, I don’t want to raise someone else’s kids. Just like how I want to get married only one time in my life, I want to have something to do with any kids I have. Maybe it makes me old fashioned, but that’s me.
Suburbanites & Money- I’m not saying I wouldn’t date a suburbanite because that’s ridiculous but I do worry about chemistry with someone who has lived in the burbs their whole life. I’ve lived in the city my whole life and lots of times in poor neighborhoods. If the woman is not incredibly kind and open minded, then I really worry about us coming from different places. Because I’ve never had much I tend to take very little for granted. However someone who came from money or generous circumstances may view life differently and I might annoy them over what I value while they would certainly annoy me. I’m never impressed by money, possessions or material things. All I care about is you. When I meet women I often wonder how we will relate culturally and from our upbringings. It’s not a dealbreaker but I think I can connect a lot easier with a woman who comes from a somewhat similar place.
Shallow, phony people- This goes without saying. I perceive this as bad energy and I avoid it from every direction. If I meet a phony guy, I know I’ll never be friends with him. If I meet a phony woman, she’ll be lucky to get the time of day from me. Life is too important than to deal with the drama and games of people who aren’t on the level I feel like I am at.
When I am on these dating sites, I feel like sometimes I can see these things right there on the page. When a woman discusses liking the “finer things in life” or one who is going on about looking for her man to spoil her, I look on. I am so going to spoil my love with everything I am capable of giving to her, but mostly it will not be tangible. Knowing is better than having to me.
I’m currently on two sites and I probably get a message each day. My conversations with the women on these sites are often brief and cold. They don’t seem natural. The women seem stuck up, boring or stiff. Everybody is having little luck out there and everyone is untrusting. It feels so lifeless communicating with most of these women. Perhaps someone like me should be meeting women out there in the world, not on a page.
Either way, I know I’m not perfect. I do have my baggage. I’m a work in progress. I know I have tremendous strength and great heart inside of me but I know I feel stronger when I am part of a unit. What I’m thinking is I want someone who inspires me to be a better man. I want someone who inspires me to do the things I have been unwilling or unable to do in life. I want a “life muse” who is also my best friend. I want her to be the person I confide everything in. I want her to be the person I trust above all others and of course I want to be all of those things for her. I want her to have a smile that lights up the room. I want her to be the person I admire greatly and treat like gold and also the person who makes me so crazy (in the good sense) that I want to devour her all the time. So there it is, respect and ravage. Seems simple enough right? That’s what I am looking for. Easier said than done it seems.
I’d like to add for all my friends who are thinking that I have to lower my standards that I am not invulnerable to amazing women who don’t fit what I am looking for. There are a few women that I know with a little meat on their bones that unfortunately live in other cities or I would date them in a heartbeat. There’s a blonde out there that I think the world of and would also date in a second despite her being blonde. There are even a few women I know who listen to pop radio (oh the humanity) that I’d also date without hesitation. I guess the problem with these examples is that none of these women are available to me but the point is that if a wonderful woman comes along and she doesn’t fit the mold of what I’ve traditionally been attracted to, I will ignore my guidelines.
So I keep looking, high and low, near and far. I have so much love to give but I can’t find the person to give it to. With online dating I’ve learned to have high hopes but low expectations. I’ll keep going on there for now but I am starting to think it may not be worth it. What are your opinions on online dating?
"Do you believe in computer dating?”
“Only if the computers really love each other.” - Groucho Marx
Monday, August 9, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 20) - "Kickapotamus 2: Electric Boogaloo"
No matter where you reside I know what you are thinking. If you are a Buffalo area resident, you’re impatiently wondering when the new kickball season begins because you simply cannot get enough of Kickapotamus! If you are from other places around the world you are most certainly wondering when Eddie will write another blog about the best adult kickball team this side of Kentucky. Well I have great news for all of you! Today is the day and tonight is the night! Kickapotamus returns with a brand new season (why do I suddenly feel like Kickapotamus is a TV show) starting tonight at 7:15pm.
What’s new? Well some new teammates/cast members have been added. Some seriously specific practices occurred during the offseason to improve our team game in several areas such as chasing down a runner, throwing with improved accuracy, evading throws, directional kicking, trying not to close our eyes and scream when the ball is coming at us, and drinking a beer and catching the ball at the same time. I’d explain further but it’s all highly technical stuff and I would hate to bore or confuse all of you.
I should also mention that I’ll be playing this season in honor of Kickabot who suffered an untimely demise at the end of last season although his spirit lives on in all of us and of course on Facebook.
All of our hard work and patience while we’ve lost 13 or 14 games in a row since 2 seasons ago should pay off this season with some wins. That’s right, plural. I’m predicting we will win at least 2 games during this late summer season. It all begins tonight. Do you really want to miss our first win in over a year? It could happen and if this rain allows us to play we might just surprise some people. Plus I made a special new t-shirt for tonight’s game since our team t-shirts are currently in limbo. Don’t you want to be able to enjoy my third-rate artwork?
It may be 5 syllables but it’s just one goal!
Kickapotamus Go!
Game Details:
7:15pm tonight, weather permitting against “Kicking Balls and Taking Names” at the soccer field off Rumsey Rd in Delaware Park, on the Hoyt Lake side of Delaware Park. The field and parking on the road is right off of Delaware Avenue and Forest Avenue.
What’s new? Well some new teammates/cast members have been added. Some seriously specific practices occurred during the offseason to improve our team game in several areas such as chasing down a runner, throwing with improved accuracy, evading throws, directional kicking, trying not to close our eyes and scream when the ball is coming at us, and drinking a beer and catching the ball at the same time. I’d explain further but it’s all highly technical stuff and I would hate to bore or confuse all of you.
I should also mention that I’ll be playing this season in honor of Kickabot who suffered an untimely demise at the end of last season although his spirit lives on in all of us and of course on Facebook.
All of our hard work and patience while we’ve lost 13 or 14 games in a row since 2 seasons ago should pay off this season with some wins. That’s right, plural. I’m predicting we will win at least 2 games during this late summer season. It all begins tonight. Do you really want to miss our first win in over a year? It could happen and if this rain allows us to play we might just surprise some people. Plus I made a special new t-shirt for tonight’s game since our team t-shirts are currently in limbo. Don’t you want to be able to enjoy my third-rate artwork?
It may be 5 syllables but it’s just one goal!
Kickapotamus Go!
Game Details:
7:15pm tonight, weather permitting against “Kicking Balls and Taking Names” at the soccer field off Rumsey Rd in Delaware Park, on the Hoyt Lake side of Delaware Park. The field and parking on the road is right off of Delaware Avenue and Forest Avenue.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 19) - "Film Class"
As many of you already know, this weekend I was on a team that submitted a film in the Buffalo version of the 48 Hour Film Festival. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s pretty simple. You get 48 hours to make a short film based on a genre you pick out of a hat right before the clock starts ticking and you also have several requirements that must be met like a prop, a line, a character’s name, release forms for people and property and oh yeah, you have to come up with a good idea and find a way to make it work in an entertaining fashion.
I’ve both heard about and talked to people who know someone from one of the other 29 groups who entered and from what I understand, these other groups have better technology, better skills, better training and far more experience. It makes me wonder how this film from a group of people who were practically thrown together at the onset of this project can compare. These are people with little training and little experience. However, what we lacked in skills on paper, we more than made up for with enthusiasm and great creative energy. The 3 days of action (It went from Friday night to Sunday night) was a blast. It was tense, nerve racking, funny, exciting and memorable.
There were real characters and sassy players… even when we weren’t shooting! There were no nonsense personalities and all nonsense personalities. There were open minds and stubbornness. It was a crazy ordeal, but fun as hell. That sums it up. I found the opportunity to write a short, act and work in a group instead of working alone which were all things I had wanted to do. I found myself humbled at times, and others, inspired by my own ideas being utilized right in front of me. I learned a lot about the process and what one has to go through in order to perform well.
Did we perform well? Well, come down Thursday night to the Market Arcade when our short film “30 Seconds to Love” is premiered with 13-14 other shorts at 7pm and tell us. If we suck, laugh with us. If we do well, laugh with us. Either way bring your smiles and good vibes.
I don’t know how our small, simple labor of love will stack up against the serious entries from people who have spent serious time and money on classes, equipment and training but I am proud of the work we did. A whole lot of different people who hardly knew each other, if at all came together in an unlikely way and despite setbacks, novice mistakes, limitations and a major crisis or two, made some art this weekend. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, art brings people together. It could very well be one of the greatest positive bonding forces we know. Come together with us Thursday and share in our joy when we are on the big screen.
I’ve both heard about and talked to people who know someone from one of the other 29 groups who entered and from what I understand, these other groups have better technology, better skills, better training and far more experience. It makes me wonder how this film from a group of people who were practically thrown together at the onset of this project can compare. These are people with little training and little experience. However, what we lacked in skills on paper, we more than made up for with enthusiasm and great creative energy. The 3 days of action (It went from Friday night to Sunday night) was a blast. It was tense, nerve racking, funny, exciting and memorable.
There were real characters and sassy players… even when we weren’t shooting! There were no nonsense personalities and all nonsense personalities. There were open minds and stubbornness. It was a crazy ordeal, but fun as hell. That sums it up. I found the opportunity to write a short, act and work in a group instead of working alone which were all things I had wanted to do. I found myself humbled at times, and others, inspired by my own ideas being utilized right in front of me. I learned a lot about the process and what one has to go through in order to perform well.
Did we perform well? Well, come down Thursday night to the Market Arcade when our short film “30 Seconds to Love” is premiered with 13-14 other shorts at 7pm and tell us. If we suck, laugh with us. If we do well, laugh with us. Either way bring your smiles and good vibes.
I don’t know how our small, simple labor of love will stack up against the serious entries from people who have spent serious time and money on classes, equipment and training but I am proud of the work we did. A whole lot of different people who hardly knew each other, if at all came together in an unlikely way and despite setbacks, novice mistakes, limitations and a major crisis or two, made some art this weekend. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, art brings people together. It could very well be one of the greatest positive bonding forces we know. Come together with us Thursday and share in our joy when we are on the big screen.
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