Random thoughts (2-13-12)

Here are some random thoughts...

On the Grammys: For the most part I enjoyed the show. For a long time, going back to the mid-90’s I’ve disliked the whole deal but last night for me was pleasant bordering on good. And for the first time in many years I made it through the whole show. Sure there were some strange or awful moments but I stayed with it, actually trusting that something good would be coming up. Many times in the past I’d flip it on and some no talent hack would be winning an award over someone far more talented and then some ridiculously bad musical performance would have me looking for the remote almost as fast as those commercials with the little piggy yelling “weeeeeeeeeee” do. So kudos to them for getting better and I thought LL Cool J did a good job as host. It’s amazing to see how far this man has come in 25 years. I guess the same can be said about Ice T, Ice cube and others who have carved out very successful and diverse careers for themselves. Rap is a young person’s game and it’s not often you see some 40-year old rapper still on top. You have to either reinvent yourself or find a new line of work. These guys did both!


But back to the show…


I thought it was cool that Bon Iver won for Best New Artist (despite this being his 2nd record) and I really enjoyed his humble acceptance speech but speaking of speeches how cool was Dave Grohl's after the Foo Fighters won for an album they made in his garage on an old reel to reel tape? After seeing the Foo Fighters rockumentary “Back and Forth” last week and seeing them rip it up on the Grammys, I’d have to say I might be as big a fan of theirs right now than I ever have.


The Good the Bad and the What? As far as performances go I liked Jennifer Hudson’s Whitney tribute, Bruce Springsteen, Bruno Mars, the Beach Boys salute, Adele, the Glen Campbell tribute, Etta James tribute and the Foos. I didn’t care for Chris Brown’s music although his dancing was very impressive and I also yawned a lot during Katy Perry, Carrie Underwood and Lil Wayne. I also thought the Rihanna/Coldplay combo didn’t really work and Chris Martin’s voice sounded a bit off. The Paul McCartney stuff I wasn’t totally into but that awesome medley at the end with the 6 guitarists was pretty cool. Lastly, I’m still trying to figure out what was going on during that Nikki Minaj exorcist inspired musical segment.


One of my favorite unintentionally funny parts of the show is when the suit from the recording industry or some industry comes out to talk about the good things they do. He talks about music in schools, helping out musicians and lots of things we can all feel good about but then… he also sneaks in the pro-PIPA, pro-SOPA rhetoric. I remember thinking: Suck it suit! The show has been solid thus far, don’t push it! And by the way, isn’t “Grammy” an old fashioned way of saying Grandma? Just sayin. Keep the old folks and suits off the stage during the show. They are boring and we have no sympathy for the recording industry.


I can’t say I’ve been a big Whitney Houston fan for a long time so learning of her passing didn’t affect me the way Michael’s did but I absolutely loved her first 2 records and definitely was a fan of her early career. She had an amazing voice and while I’m not surprised to hear of another celebrity with substance abuse issues passing I am disappointed because I hoped Whitney would find the happiness that her gift gave to so many but apparently she couldn’t give to herself. RIP



On the subject of living I am very excited about my progress with my weight loss. I am just starting to be able to wear things I haven’t been able to wear since the summer and there’s a half-a-closet full of stuff I haven’t been able to wear in longer than that! I go out walking every day. I walk to work, I walk home from home and I do it as briskly as I can. Tonight even though I was under my daily calorie goal, I went out for a late night march of about 25 minutes. My plan is in a few more weeks to start jogging a little too. Right now I can walk pain free and my stamina is improving but I’m hoping for a little less ice and snow on the ground before I start to jog. Even tonight when I went out for my walk I slipped twice on spotty ice out there and the last thing I want to do right now is get hurt slipping on some stupid ice. I keep going day to day, chronicling my calories and trying to make better choices. I learn new things all the time and even though I'm a month in and I’ve made a lot of progress, I realize this journey is just beginning.


I made my first poetry slam performance last week and it was one of the toughest things I’ve ever done. This was the first time I’ve ever jumped onto a stage and read my work with lights on me. I like to be level, either sitting or standing with the audience. I don’t like the idea of being up above them and the lights were intense. I read a brand new piece that I only finished that day and an older one I knew I’d be comfortable with. The new one got better scores than the old one because the language was stronger. At poetry slams people are yelling, jumping, throwing hand gestures out there and being demonstrative. It’s performance poetry. While I’m influenced by slam I am not a textbook slam poet. I read in rhythm and sometimes my pieces are worded like slam but I’m not screaming, pounding my chest, flopping on the floor or putting on as much of a spectacle. I want the audience focused on my words more than my actions… kind of the opposite of how I’d like to be viewed off stage, lol. Out of 9 poets, I finished 7th that night. I didn’t expect to win because I was going up against experienced performance poets but I did learn a lot from the appearance and I will tweak and hone my craft for the next time I read at a slam… and I will read again at a slam. Who knows? Maybe it will be next month’s slam. :)


Silly things that make me excited: I bought a Buffalo Braves DVD. Since the Braves played here in the 70’s it’s basically a VHS recording burned onto a DVD but whatever. In the game on the DVD, Bob McAdoo scores 50 points in a 1975 playoff match against Washington at the old Aud. I just got it in the mail and I haven’t watched it yet. I kinda want to make a big deal out of it. Hell I might watch it on Valentine’s Day to help keep my spirits up which leads me to…


VD. Ah yes, another lonely Valentine’s Day. I would just love to spend the evening on the couch with my lady watching sappy movies and feeling thankful she’s in my life but once again I don’t have one. I do take responsibility for this and I am working on improving myself to the point where I can attract what it is I want which is someone extraordinary. Tomorrow will be tough though. I’ll have to fight the urge to listen to sad bastard music and I might want someone to lock me up in the house and hide my money from me til the 15th. You know, just to make sure I don’t buy any awful things to eat tomorrow evening. It’s a brief but intense depression I feel. I haven’t had a real Valentine on Valentine’s Day for 9 years and even though I’m in good spirits now, all the talk, the commercials, the songs, the news stories, the twitter and facebook posts and all the cutesy stuff that will find it’s way to me tomorrow will make me feel the loss and absence of my very own valentine. Oh, the special things I would do for her on this not really so special day. Let’s face it, VD isn’t a real holiday but it can be as real as you want it to be. For all of you fortunate enough to have a Valentine I hope you have a great day filled with love and joy. For those of you like me without one I say we have a big orgy. Okay, seriously I hope those of you like me can avoid all the crap that could make you feel the negative emotions and hey, if you need to indulge in some sweets to make up for the lack of one, I won’t judge.

Rules for your Super Bowl party (2-1-12)

Going to a Super Bowl party this weekend? Super Bowl parties have become some of the most important social gatherings of the year. These parties have gotten so big that whether you are hosting or going to one, the parties now seem to have an unwritten code of etiquette that many find confusing. Take heart football fans, it's unwritten no longer as right here I've spelled out those rules for you and you can take pride in acting accordingly this Sunday! Without further ado,  I present my Super Bowl Party Rules!

The Super Bowl Party Rules!

First things first. You must get into the mindset that Super Bowl Sunday is a National Holiday. IT IS! These days, many companies allow employees to come in late the next day, or even take the day off, especially in the cities represented in the game. All across America, when someone stumbles in an hour late that next day, bosses tend to be a little more lenient, especially if they are football fans themselves. Super Sunday is a big deal and should be treated as such! Once you accept this realization, these rules and guidelines will not only make sense to you but they will be easy to follow as well. And if you refuse to acknowledge the power of the pigskin… well I wouldn’t want you at my party. 

Now the rules and what you need to know:

-On attire: It is advised but not mandatory that you try to wear something football related whether it’s a t-shirt, hat, jersey, scarf, gloves, face paint or the ever popular zubaz pants. Bonus points to you if you can find more than one accessory! But wait, your favorite team isn't playing in the game... it doesn’t matter! If your team isn't playing in the game, you should represent for them regardless. Its okay to wear a Bills jersey, a Browns hat or a Jaguars ringer tee… this is as close to the big game as these teams get! Remember, we're all FOOTBALL fans no matter who we root for and we cannot lose sight of that on an important day like this. Show your team love and as is the case with other holidays, dressing up makes the day better! Can you imagine not wearing a costume on Halloween? A hideous sweater on Christmas? You would probably dress up for weddings, funerals and formal events and this is no less important!

-On what to bring: You are not actually required to bring anything to consume, provided you've received an invitation, but if you plan to consume large quantities of food and/or drinks, you should be courteous to the other guests and provide things for them to enjoy. This also means no "markup consuming", that is bringing a discount product of small quantity only to consume tons of someone else's high quality goods. Example: Bringing a 40 ounce bottle of Olde English malt liquor and then consuming a 6-pack of Guinness. You know in your hearts of hearts it’s not right and there should be honor among football fans. In addition, you cannot ask to take the unused portion of what you brought with you when you leave. It’s simply not polite. At the end of the party, if the host wants to get rid of some of the food/junk, you should take that opportunity to volunteer and be a “nice person”, otherwise consider ownership of your goods transferred to the host once you walk in the door.  

-On Substances: Every party guest acknowledges when they enter the party, it's like signing an invisible waiver stating that they will have no knowledge of any “alleged” legal or illegal consumption of alcoholic, psychoactive or hallucinogenic items during their stay. What people do to enhance the game or their mood is up to them. As long as none of the party rules are broken, everything is fine.

-On the party’s location: Be respectful of the host’s place. No recreating any plays from the game, tackling, throwing of objects like a football, showing off your “moves” or any other locker room inspired antics. If you need to dance, make sure you can do it in your space. If you need to recreate any action from the game, you must go out to the yard or the nearest available park. After all, the Super Bowl is played on a spacious turf, not in a living room. Treat the place as if it were your own. That also means offering to help with cleanup after the game. Surely you can grab a few dishes and put them in the sink/dishwasher. Think about why you didn’t host… because you didn’t want to have to deal with everything the host is dealing with! SO show compassion for those who have the courage to do what you are afraid to and pitch in. If you do, you’ll be sure to get an invite the following year, if not for the Big Dance, NHL playoffs or any future sporting event worthy of another party.

-On America: Everyone must stand, remove their hats and show respect for America during the National Anthem... even as the flavor of the month "recording artist" or old fossil "vocalist" butchers it.

-On the less fortunate: There are always some people at the Super Bowl party with little to no knowledge of football. Just know I and most knowledgeable attendees are more than happy to help answer any questions or explain any parts of the game that some may not be able to understand or follow but please withhold any appropriate questions until an appropriate time, like a bad commercial, a time out or a break in the action. However, I and even the most helpful of football fans will not answer any questions having to address any player’s martial status, butt or dreamy eyes.

Which leads me to...

-On the game chatter: Absolutely no dialogue can occur during the action other than reactions, instructions and exclamations to said action. This is especially true of the immediate perimeter around the television. Consider it a no-fly zone for irrelevant dialogue. Any parties not fully invested in the game may conduct conversations, face to face or phone to phone, especially the non-football kind in the kitchen or nearest bedroom. If it is to be an angry or loud non-game related conversation, it must be conducted at least 100 yards from any television at the Super Bowl party.

-On the expensive commercials: All commercials will be judged immediately with a quick and simple review ("well, that was just stupid") that must be given before the following commercial has ended... because that one must be judged as well!

-On potential human obstacles: Anyone standing in front of the television for any duration longer than .5 seconds should be pelted with all the food available to be thrown at that time. If they still have not complied then it will be time to introduce them to the sauces, dips and condiments at the party.

-On the halftime show: Since the halftime show features an old musical act that is no longer relevant, the previous rules of dialogue can be ignored and guests can and should talk freely. This would be a wonderful time to load up on food for the second half, get to the restroom and for those with less serious questions to ask them. Keep in mind, if a guest gets up and goes into a room leaving something behind on their seat, the seat should still be considered occupied and for all intents and purposes they are still sitting there and should not lose their place. This is their reward for arriving either early or on time. If the seat is left uncovered or as it was at the beginning of the party, the rules of “finders’ keepers” will apply and in the case of a tie, a friendly arm-wrestling match, coin flip or staring contest shall be used to settle the dispute. In every case, the host may bypass the need for a contest and simply award the seat to whomever they feel deserving of it. 

-On children at the party: No kids are allowed primarily due to the saucy language expressed throughout the game by the serious football fans, drunk people or both. Kids also have a hard time following many of the rules laid out in this big game planner and the only “time outs” at a Super Bowl party happen in the game. Find a sitter.

-On Food: Keep it simple- no tofu, high brow or vegan stuffs unless your entire guest list is comprised of vegans. Let’s be honest though, if have 15 vegans coming over for something, it certainly isn't going to be to watch a football game. In addition, guests should not bring anything incredibly messy that cannot be contained safely on a paper plate. This goes back to the previous rule about respecting the host’s place. The carpet is not a forum for your abstract modern lasagna art.

-On Party etiquette: Despite the fact you are probably eating like a pig from a trough, dressed loosely and comfortably and around many of your friends there are some manners you should attempt to employ at the party for the greater good:  

Double dipping: This should not have to be explained. Think of the famous Seinfeld episode: “That’s like putting your whole mouth right in the dip. Look, from now on, when you take a chip… just take one dip and end it!”

The Passage of gas (burping and farting): Unless your party consists exclusively of very large men with no regard for such things there will be no “sharing” allowed in this manner. Farters should be treated like smokers and sent outside to conduct their dirty business. Belchers do not have to go to the same lengths but should attempt to muffle and certainly should not blow or direct the burp at any other attendees. In the case of an accidental release where a muffle or some type of control is not an option, an apology must be presented immediately and the offender will be placed on immediate party probation, meaning that any further violations will result in the guest losing their seat and having to watch the rest of the game from the outer perimeter of the party. If the offender is already on the outer party perimeter, they should be reminded that they are very close to the door. When dealing with repeat offenders with no regard for human life, they should either be removed from the party altogether or placed securely in a tight closet where they alone will have to endure their insolence.     

Lastly: Under no circumstances is anyone other than the host allowed to change the channel, and even the host MUST have a legitimate reason (i.e. an emergency) for doing so.

So that's it! These are the rules for the big game. If you and your guests follow these simple rules there is no reason why your Super Bowl party won’t be a smashing success!