I think about mental illness a lot. I'm sure this happens because of my own battles with anxiety and depression but I think about other people's battles often. I wish I could understand. I wish I could help. When I was younger, I used to feel profound sadness wanting to help so many but being unable to. It's part of the reason I began to perform poetry. I wrote poetry for myself but I performed it, yes to challenge myself and make me uncomfortable, but there was always this wish that something I wrote would connect with someone else... help them know they weren't alone. So I wrote for me but I performed for us… or at least I hoped to. As I've gotten older, I don't feel the profound sadness I used to feel about not being able to save or help everyone. I learned to accept that in most cases I am doing the best I can do and that is enough. I learned that I have to do better at taking care of myself. Do I have it all figured out? Of course not, but in some ways I get along a lot better than I used to.
But I do think about folks struggling out there, beyond my control, and wonder how their stories are similar or different. I’m quite curious at how the mind works or doesn’t work. It’s hard to have honest conversations, especially on social media these days because certain words are not allowed. I’ve always believed confrontation leads to understanding even though I can’t stand confrontations. I think it’s because these days the word confrontation can often conjure images of yelling, fighting or conflict as we are so testy nowadays but a confrontation doesn’t have to be aggressive or violent. To me, it just means being honest. But how can we be honest if we aren’t allowed to say certain things? I do not agree with censoring words related to mental illness. I feel like if we are not allowed to be honest, how can we reach understanding?
The other day I thought a bit about the guy who lit himself up outside the Trump trial. I wanted to learn a little about him. In his past he was a Bernie supporter, a democrat, worked on campaigns, did some organizing and seemed to me like someone who was trying to do good things and help. How did he end up how he did? I forget the site, but a newspaper local to where he lived did a piece on him and it turned out when his mother died a few years back he lost his way and there were several instances of mental health problems. You just wish someone like that could have gotten the help they needed.
It’s so tough though. A lot of times people with mental health issues keep things to themselves. Or they either don’t want help or to burden others. Or maybe they try to get help but lose motivation if they run into obstacles like insurance, or not being to find a provider, or having to wait 3 months to get in somewhere, etc. Health care in this country is so complicated and cruel and there’s no part moreso than mental health care. I can attest to this through my own experience and through the struggles I see people go through via work. Sometimes it’s so hard for the person to try to ask for help and then to get rebuffed so easily over something so stupid… sadly they might not ask again.
Tomorrow a book comes out written by former Miss USA Cheslie
Kryst. It’s called; “By The Time You Read This”. She basically wrote the
manuscript of her book and then ended things shortly after. Her last wish was
for her mom to find a way to put out her book and she did both as a way to
celebrate her daughter but also to help others. Ms. Kryst seemed to have it all
on the surface. She was Miss
Are some people beyond help? I suppose so but I can’t say for sure however I’m tired of hearing of poor souls who had little to nothing done for them before they were lost. Nothing breaks my heart more than people who affect others in wonderful ways but are suffering inside. I feel like there’s more mental health issues out there than ever in so many shapes, sizes and colors. I wish we could try to get ahead of it instead of being so far behind it all. These are hard times. Please take care of yourselves and if possible, each other.
