Eddie and the Amazing Single-Colored Trenchcoat (1-26-11)

This story begins on Monday night, January 17th, 2011.


Laundry is an important chore but like many chores you can put it off if something better comes up. That’s one of the great things about being an adult. If you should do laundry but some exciting thing is going on, well, laundry might have to wait a while. If you were a kid and you tried that you might not get dessert! But hey, I’m a big kid and postponing laundry is a common occurrence for me. This is what happened on the day before. Sunday came and went and the fun was had but now Monday arrives with a groan and a chore. I think to myself, well Monday is kind of blah anyway, why not do the laundry right after work?

I hardly ever go out on Monday nights. If I didn’t join a kickball team that played Monday evening games perhaps I never would. The same thing happens each time the calendar hits Monday: I sleep just a little bit late because I stayed up later each night on the weekend and that affected my sleep cycle. I get to work just a little bit later than I’d like to (but thankfully I can show up at any time) and I’m usually just a little bit cranky. I get this way because all the fun is gone and now there’s 5 straight days of work. Yep… I get a case of the Mondays. My time is no longer my own so to speak and it usually takes me until Monday afternoon to mellow out and accept the inevitable and agree to make the most of it.

By the end of the work day on Monday I am exhausted and I can’t wait to get home, throw on the television and put something tasty in my belly. I swear I have less energy on Mondays. Now I had to get my laundry done after getting home and feeling wiped out. I could consider moving it another day and trying to weasel my way out of it by wearing clothes from the depths of drawers and closets that I really don’t like because my favorite stuff is all dirty. I could do that but also being an adult is being responsible and knowing when things have to get done. I had my fun yesterday and now I must pay the price for postponing chores. I knew I’d be tired. I knew I wouldn’t want to lug my growing laundry bag the 7 blocks but I knew that I’d know, so knowing that I knew that I’d still do it anyway… know what I mean?

So I saddled up and tracked down the dryer sheets when my cell rang. It was my friend. He was wondering if I wanted to get some coffee and chat. Well now I had a dilemma. I want to do that but I HAD to do laundry. Thankfully the Laundromat I go to is only a few buildings away from Spot coffee. A fun compromise! My friend agrees and he volunteers to pick me up which I gladly accept.

Strangely my energy level picks up a bit and my mind starts going. I think, well if I have a ride there I should bring more stuff! So I grab a 2nd bag and I fill it with things I wasn’t quite ready to wash yet but could use a good cleaning. I grabbed my sheets, some towels, a jacket, some jacket liners and my black trenchcoat. There’s no way I would have been able to carry 2 full bags of laundry to and from so I’m feeling good about this evening and my energy levels are way up on a Monday… fascinating.

We get there, I drop my clothes in a few washers and we go to Spot to have that coffee. I buy my friend whatever he wants and then I get some weird decaf Latte that looked more interesting to me than the others on the menu. We find a table and sit down. We talk about women. I talk about my lack of them and he talks about some that he’s interested in. The conversation moves around and I find out my friend has quit smoking again that very day! I told him that he’s had a lot of practice quitting so he should do well this time.

After about a half hour sipping and dishing we walk back over so I can transfer my clothes to the dryers. With so many clothes and in addition so many odd items and delicates I actually had to use 7 dryers! We continue our conversation in front of the dryers as it is too cold to go outside onto Elmwood and do it there and Spot was so 10 minutes ago. The topics shift from music to memories to personal philosophies. Since I’m having a conversation with one of my oldest friends, we can talk about nearly anything which I appreciate. While I’m babbling away I do have to keep my attention on 7 dryers as some are set for different amounts of time, different fabrics, etc. Some things are ready, others need more time so I combine things or toss pieces into other dryers that still have more time on them.

As we keep chatting and little by little clothing finds their way from the dryers to my bags I realize that it’s getting late. It’s already after 9 and I can see my friend is winding down and getting a little tired. Instead of convincing him to have another coffee I try to get things done as quickly as I can. He’s not complaining nor would he but I still feel like I should hurry and not take advantage of his generosity. In a few cases I just grabbed a pair of jeans or a sweater that were still a little damp and threw them into my bag figuring that I can just hang them up when I get home and they’ll be dry in no time.

I pack up everything and we leave. I thank my friend for the ride and he thanks me for the conversation and then I head inside and plop my bags of laundry on the floor. I take things out and group them together in piles. Socks will go over here. T-shirts will go over there. Slacks will be folded and placed here. I make sure the wet clothes are hung somewhere to dry immediately and then I go to the kitchen. It was almost 9:30 and I hadn’t even eaten yet! The piles of clothes would have to wait.

After dinner and some light reading it was after 10 and I still had to put clothes away so I did it as quickly and nicely as I could. The fatigue of another Monday was bearing down on me and I had a feeling I wouldn’t be awake much longer. I got cozy in front of the television and spent the rest of my awake time not thinking too much or too hard. One of the last things I remember thinking was that I was thrilled to be sleeping on freshly cleaned sheets.

The next morning I wake up and collect the remaining clothes hanging up around my apartment. Everything is dry but the problem with hanging stuff up to dry is that they become a little stiff. Even folding them feels a little different when they dry this way, but at least they are dry and ready to be put away. As I fold and find places to put them something doesn’t seem right. Do I have everything from last night? It felt like something was missing.

As I was getting ready for work my mind jumped to other thoughts and before I knew it I was sitting at my desk at work when it hit me: where is my black trenchcoat? It’s a thought that would not leave my mind that whole work day. I couldn’t remember if I threw in it either of my bags. I wasn’t even sure if I took it out of the dryer it was in. Could I have been so absent minded? That wasn’t like me. I’m generally quite aware of my surroundings and what I am doing, especially when I am performing a task. Was this my first “senior” moment? Is it a sign of things to come in 20-30 years?

When I left work that evening I was certain I left it in the dryer but I had to stop at home first to double check that I hadn’t put it away and forgotten. After an unsuccessful 5 minute sweep of my apartment I was back on the streets again making my way towards the Laundromat. Normally I’d say it takes 15 minutes to walk there from my place but on this night I made it there in just over 10. When I walked through the first door I felt a wave of comfort come over me because the girl behind the counter was the same one from the night before. She would have found my coat and stored it. They have a lost and found box but it’s small and is primarily for socks and undies. Behind the counter there’s a secret room, shelving, racks and tons of other places where my coat could have been kept overnight.

I forced a quick smile and hello and I get right to it. I describe the coat and even tell her which dryer I left it in. Her face went blank as I was reeling all this off. What does she know? With a confused look she frowned and said that she didn’t have it. She turned around and checked this 7 foot shelf directly behind her. I don’t think she was 5 feet tall so she could hardly reach the top 2 shelves but there was hardly anything on them let alone my coat. Again with a sad face she told me she didn’t have it nor did she see it. I asked her if I could check the dryer it was in. She told me that she checks them at the end of each night and she didn’t see it last night but if I wanted to check for myself I could.

I walked back there hoping beyond hope with my heart but my mind knew what was going to happen. It was just like me to hope for one thing with my heart and know the other was true with my mind. I looked into the empty dryer feeling worse than I had felt in a long time. I looked into the surrounding dryers just in case I forgot which one it was in but all of those were cold, dark and empty as well. I put my gloves back on and dreaded the walk home in the cold. When I made the walk down the adrenaline shooting through me made me 5 minutes faster and 20 degrees warmer. Now on the walk home it took me 20 minutes instead of the 15 and I was freezing throughout.

At least I had closure. Obviously, some person took it out of the dryer and took it with them. That burned me up. I hate injustice and immorality and when it affects me directly I get doubly hateful. Why would someone steal that coat? It wasn’t theirs!

That coat had been with me for a very long time. I think I had it for at least 12 years and maybe as many as 15. From the moment I brought it home it became my favorite coat. Because of how nice it was it wasn’t something I could wear just anywhere so it became something I wore for special occasions and when I wanted to look really nice. That coat was worn for weddings, funerals, dates, job interviews, fancy dinners and who knows what else. It accompanied me to Chicago, Toronto, New York City and other places I visited over the years. I loved that coat but I swear it loved me right back. From the time I bought it all those years ago until now I’ve gradually gained about 60-70 pounds and it’s seemed the coat had grown with me. It never stopped fitting me comfortably. That’s love. When I sat down that night I thought long and hard about all the good times I had with that coat. I felt better for the time being.

After a few days I began to think about a replacement coat. I didn’t need one but I wanted to have a nice coat in my life. Maybe it was a similar dynamic to when a child has a goldfish and it dies and so the parent gets them another goldfish. It wouldn’t be the same at first but maybe in time, I could learn to love the new coat like the old one. I didn’t like the thought of it though. I think when I looked on eBay for a similar coat I was looking as much to see if the bastard who stole mine was trying to sell it as I was looking for a new one to buy.

The weekend hit and I could have done laundry but I chose to do other things. I planned to go Monday night but I worked a long day and was fatigued. Last night was supposed to be the new night but I worked until close to 7 and then I remembered that the Sabres game was on and with the all star break coming up this weekend, it was the last Sabres game until next Friday. I had to watch and root on the fellas. I came to the decision I’d go first thing this morning.

The bag was fuller than it would have been if I had gone on Sunday or Monday but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I trudged my way through thick, slushy sidewalks that slowed my walk down to about 20 minutes. When I walked through the door the nice older lady was there. She was always friendly and she actually reminded me a little of my mom. She had a similar look and talked a lot like her. Plus she had a daughter either pre teen or early teens who reminds me of my younger sister at that age. As the woman recognized me she did something my mom could often do, she made me feel wonderful inside.

She asked: “Did you leave a long coat here?” It had been 9 days since it happened and I had completely given up on the coat. I couldn’t speak for a few seconds but then I replied “Yes, long black trenchcoat, London Fog, I forgot it in the dryer a week ago but the girl said that it was gone. She said she looked that night and it was gone.” Could it be, was I about to be reunited with it? The woman smiled as she said “I saw it in the dryer the next morning and took it out. I couldn’t put it in the lost and found box because sometimes homeless people come in and steal socks from it and they would have taken it fast.” She told me it was on the top of the shelf behind her. It was that same 7 foot shelf the girl looked on the day I came looking for it. The woman grabbed a bag from the front of the top shelf and then requested my help grabbing my coat from the back of the top shelf. I reached up there and pulled it down and suddenly it was mine again.

I thanked her profusely and she was happy to help. I ran across the street to buy my green tea that I had just run out of and was a secondary mission on my trip to do laundry. Then I returned to the Laundromat and gave her the $12 I had left after the tea and what I would need for the laundry. I told her how much I appreciated it and she was elated that I would give her some cash for her just doing her job. Well we all know that her job doesn’t require saving clothes that knuckleheads forgot to take with them. They have signs all over saying you shouldn’t leave your things unattended. I would have given her more money if I had it on me but I just brought a twenty for laundry and green tea. When I left the Laundromat she was so happy that her good deed was rewarded. I was so happy to be reunited with my old friend. This weekend will bring a few activities to get me out of my house and guess what I’ll be wearing.

Is that all there is? (1-25-11)

I haven’t blogged in forever it seems and this was mostly due to my blog project where I wrote 70-something of them in 70-something days back in the fall. I was blogged out. That was quite an exposure of my thoughts. I guess I felt the need to pull back a bit and stop talking/sharing. Plus I said a lot of things during that time and while I have no doubt I could write a blog everyday or every other day if I had to, I don’t always want to. I had run out of things to say so to speak.

Well now I am back and I plan to blog semi-regularly again. I need to do it because I hate being quiet when there’s a perceived injustice out there and more than that when I go through rough times the best way for me to purge my system of negative thoughts and emotions is to let them out. Blogging has become a necessary release for me and unlike keeping a simple journal, posting my thoughts, opinions and ideas online gives me the occasional chance to get feedback on them, which is sometimes very helpful although admittedly I do have to watch my words as well.

During this week there’s been something gnawing away at me. Actually I think it started last week but I’m really feeling it this week. I don’t know if I just have a nasty case of the winter blues but I am really hating my life lately. I’m terribly bored and I feel like I need some sparks to get to the fires burning inside of me again. That’s part of the reason why I’m writing. I’m trying to be proactive. I’m trying to create some sparks.

Maybe this happens every winter but right now I’m sick and tired of everything. I’m certainly sick of the weather but it’s more than that. I’m sick of the same old food. I’m sick of the same old job. I’m sick of talking to the people at work. I’m sick of my same old clothes. I’m sick of the same old empty apartment. Yeah, that’s the one. I’m very lonely. It’s not a surprise being that I haven’t had a really serious relationship in about 8 years and it’s also not a surprise considering I am an INFJ personality.

“INFJs also need to be wary of becoming overly absorbed in their moods and emotions, tempering their romantic ideals and fantasies with committed action in the outside world. Though self-concern and self-analysis have their place, if comprising the sole focus, INFJs can start to feel isolated, lonely, and disconnected from the sources of meaning and vitality outside themselves.”

I’m trying not to get completely absorbed in my emotions but its difficult because that’s all there is. I go out once or twice a week with friends and I have a good time but those other times I just fixate on my feelings of isolation and loneliness. I think about what I have and then I think about what I don’t. I want to be around people and I don’t want to be around people. I want to do new things and I want to do nothing. It’s frustrating. When I get like this it’s always an external source that pulls me out of my internal lockdown. Sometimes that external source is completely unaware they’ve helped me shake the doldrums. Even I don’t always know when that catalyst pulls me out. Sometimes I find myself in a great mood again and I reflect and think oh, this must have been it.

The point is I need something new. Preferably it would be a lady I could go gaga for, but it could also mean a new hobby, a new friend or perhaps even a drastic change. The loneliness is a bit overwhelming. I mean, I have some cool friends and I always have a good time when we hang out but I want someone who is involved in my life almost daily. You know, someone to exchange emails and calls with on days when we can’t see each other. I want someone to talk about life with, to have dinner with, to laugh with and share everything with. I get little tastes of it with a few of my friends and all it does is make me want it more. I really want to date someone seriously again and I want that person to be my best friend, if not my closest.

It’s the same old same old. I want someone extraordinary and either I can’t find her or if I do she doesn’t want me and then those who do want me don’t interest me because they aren’t what I believe to be extraordinary. I’m always dreaming, always reaching for the brightest star and I can’t do it any other way. My depth of love and caring and giving is deeper than most. I feel like I can give someone tons and all I want is someone who can give to me what I can give to them. I feel like it can be impossible at times like this. So anyway, that would be a change that would turn everything around. I would be able to entertain my daily routine with a smile again or lay the groundwork for a new routine also with a smile.

I love Buffalo. It is my home. Maybe I’m biased but I feel like it is so much more beautiful and vibrant than people think but I’m actually thinking about what life could be like somewhere else. I’ve been banging my head into a wall trying to find some important things for a few decades now and I begin to wonder… will I ever find those things here? Maybe I should try looking for those things somewhere else before it’s too late. I don’t have the same baggage tying me down like I did 5 years ago when my mom and sister were absolutely dependent on me. I’m not one who has talked about leaving before and I’m not one to make a spontaneous move of that magnitude but I’m walking around these days singing “Is That All There Is” to myself and I’m wondering if it’s more than a song.