I opened the door and walked out onto Elmwood Avenue carrying my bag of deliciousness. It had been several months since I had sampled Captain Jack’s fine Coconut Shrimp (free plug) and as I wandered up the avenue 20 minutes before with a chatty belly I listened carefully to it. It said coconut shrimp! And who am I to argue? Besides, it had been a long time and as I approached the big red painted fish in the window my gut told me this was the way to please my guts.
I walked into an empty fishery (is that what you’d call it?) save the woman behind the register and a man cooking in the upper back. I grabbed a menu and began to relearn all the tasty treats they offered. Since no one else was around I felt like I should hurry and find something fast so my eyes scanned the menu in a way where I probably eyeballed everything on it but couldn’t tell you one thing that I had read. Well, there was one thing. I saw the words “coconut shrimp” and only those words. The thought made my brain water and my tummy swoon.
Since I didn’t have one I put the menu in my pocket and looked up to the woman behind the counter. She had these big sparkling blue eyes. They reminded me of someone else I know and they also reminded me of the sea although I’d never been to a sea. It’s funny how something could remind you of something you’ve never seen. Regardless, I thought her eyes were apropos for this type of restaurant. I ordered and sat down blinking occasionally but every time I closed my eyes I could see those things fixed upon me waiting for me to say 3 words… coconut shrimp please.
I’m in a bit of a dreamy state today because of this paperback I’m reading and sitting in a chair next to a giant tank full of various fishes while I stared out into the nighttime on Elmwood was perfect. My mind danced around ideas, people, flashes of light and the rhythm of the little guys swimming directly to my right. I wanted to apologize to them for eating their shrimpy cousins. It had me thinking… would I feel comfortable eating a hamburger next to a cow? A ham sandwich next to pig? It was probably a good thing I was taking this home because eating it there might have felt weird.
The nice lady greeted me with a box in a bag and a nice smile. I exited the place with a deep inner smile of my own and as I crossed the street to the other side of Elmwood I noticed my tummy was now quiet. It knew the same as I did, we would be dining on yummy food in a matter of minutes.
As I hit the other side of the street in front of the Poster Art store I slowed down for a few steps while I contemplated my route. I had walked down my street to Elmwood and then walked down it until something tickled my fancy but now I wasn’t so sure I wanted to walk back down Elmwood to return to my street. Elmwood is full of distractions and while the vast majority of the time I love those distractions at a time like this I wanted a quieter, direct route so I headed down Bird towards the parkway.
My mind was shifting gears from “find food“to what to do or watch after dinner. The block was definitely quieter than Elmwood, great for thinking. It was also much darker. I looked up the block and there was a lady walking her 2 dogs and they were awfully large. I was a half block away but they looked like full grown huskies to me. She was walking ahead of them and they both stopped to check out a tree and a bush and I didn’t think she knew she was moving without them. She moved far enough ahead of them that I realized even in the darkness from a good distance away that they were not on leashes. I thought about crossing the street. I love dogs but I’m not sure how I feel about big 50-60 pound ones when I strongly smell of fish and fries.
She didn’t have them on a leash so they were probably friendly, easy going dogs. I thought that until she turned around to see where her dogs were and realized she was about 20 feet past them. She started walking back to them in a leisurely manner until she saw me coming up the block and then she scurried over to the closest one to leash him up. I thought uh-oh. I started to slow my pace. I was only about 10 houses away. She leashed up the first one and while keeping it close to her she made her way to the other one. The leashed one saw me and wanted to say hello and she was struggling to hold him. I switched my bag of food from my left hand to my right hand which would be farther away when I passed them.
As I was only a few feet away it occurred to the woman that she was not going to get the 2nd dog locked down in time so she reached in there and grabbed a fistful of its collar to keep it from advancing. Luckily the only dog who wanted to greet me was the one on the leash that she was struggling to keep still with her left arm. I walked by quickly but calmly. I didn’t think they were dangerous or anything like that but I suspected they would have jumped up on me or something based on her reaction. That wouldn’t even be a bad thing normally but these were very big dogs and I had food I didn’t want to share.
As I was about 10 feet past them I heard her making all kinds of sounds and excited noises. I think now they were both trying to meet me. Maybe they caught a whiff of my food after I passed them. I wanted to turn around and get a visual on what was going on but my tummy began speaking to me again. It said; “don’t look back”. After a few more seconds I could no longer hear the woman behind me. I was walking very briskly and I had opened up enough distance that I believe the dogs didn’t care any longer. Again I thought about taking a look over my shoulder where I could picture this poor woman crouched into a retraining stance trying to keep at least 100 pounds of dog from being rambunctious but again my tummy advised me not to look back. The shrimp encounters of the dog kind were over.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
completED
caught between two worlds
the gravitational pull of passions
there's no indecision
everything is done on purpose
retreating from time to time
I am what I am
discouraged by the environment
hopeful for no reason
Lost on a familiar path
somewhere between compete and critique
between a snicker and a slap
I've scored too many points to be pointless
I sweat for a few smiles
It’s what I’ve always known
I find joy in what I create
It’s what I’ve had to learn
Consistent surprises
Whether it’s my hands or my feet
Lowered expectations
Or maybe just an afterthought
Tell me I love too much
I reply why don’t you?
It’s hard being everything to everyone
But it’s easy being me
the gravitational pull of passions
there's no indecision
everything is done on purpose
retreating from time to time
I am what I am
discouraged by the environment
hopeful for no reason
Lost on a familiar path
somewhere between compete and critique
between a snicker and a slap
I've scored too many points to be pointless
I sweat for a few smiles
It’s what I’ve always known
I find joy in what I create
It’s what I’ve had to learn
Consistent surprises
Whether it’s my hands or my feet
Lowered expectations
Or maybe just an afterthought
Tell me I love too much
I reply why don’t you?
It’s hard being everything to everyone
But it’s easy being me
Thursday, October 7, 2010
"Luna and Tito" 10-7-10
I stayed at the pizza place with my buddies until the very end of the game. It was painful to watch the team I love look so incredibly bad for the 4th straight week but on the bright side, it was fun sharing some food and laughs with a couple of friends on such a dreary afternoon. Some people talk about loyalty to a fault and with the Buffalo Bills, it certainly feels that way, especially this season.
I left the pizza place and made my way as quick as possible to work. My hours were a little short for the week and thankfully I can come and go as I please which includes the weekends but unfortunately this is flawed as I can only work when the store is open and on Sundays we close at 6pm. I made it there just after four and I was looking to work about two hours so it was going to be close enough.
I sat down at my computer and booted up. I made sure I had whatever I needed for the short time I’d be there and I started to get going but there was something. It was like a chirping type of sound. The first thing I thought was is there a bird in the building? Under normal circumstances when everyone is around, I just throw on some headphones and get to work. One of my co-workers acts like he runs the place and always plays classic rock radio on the laptop he uses. Since everyone else there uses headphones but him I mentioned it a few times and he’d turn it down for a bit but we are less than 20 feet away from each other. He could keep it low and I’d still have to listen to Aerosmith, Bon Jovi and Van Halen all day. Now I like classic rock. I certainly don’t mind listening to it once in a while but I’m a music person. I can’t listen to that stuff EVERY day. I need variety and different styles and genres. I mean for Christ sake this is a record store! Can you imagine if out in the main store we had classic rock blasting all day long? Record stores are supposed to look and sound cool. Now I’m not sure if our store does either that well but at least we don’t pump classic rock or what passes for it over the store speakers.
Because of this, when I’m at work during regular days I have headphones on almost 100% of the time and I am difficult to reach. Thankfully I work on big projects and after many years with the company I know my job pretty cold so I don’t need to be reached most of the time. The volume of my music is directly linked to how loud the Bob Seger is. If he doesn’t get it, I’m not going to waste my breath explaining it to him when I have nice headphones and tons of sweet music on my work computer.
Today was different. No one was in the back but me. There was no need to block out the other people. There was no need to enhance my mood with music. I could hear the music from the store pretty well and I was okay with what they were playing. That’s how I heard the chirping sound. It was faint but remarkable nonetheless. I wondered if there was some bird or bat in the building. I put on some gloves and headed to where I thought the noise was coming from.
The first thing I saw was some mild flooding in the back of the room. With all the rain lately and our leaky roof I wasn’t surprised. Did the water have something to do with it? I heard the sound a few more times but it was still relatively faint. I wandered around the area and while it was stronger than it was when I was at my desk, it still wasn’t quite loud enough to trace.
I went into the dark corridor behind our main room and started to move down into the depths of the building. There it was again! This time is was louder. It sounded like a baby bird. I walked further and could see that the floor back here was also a little flooded to about a half inch. Right as I made my way past the breaker boxes and towards the edge of the puddle the chirping sounds came through again, this time as loud as it could. Whatever it was it was definitely a baby something and it was definitely on the outside of the building against the back wall.
I walked all the way up to the front of the building where our actual record store is and asked the manager guy how I can access the back of the building. He told me to go around the building in one direction and I’d find it. As I went outside I noticed it was raining again and I thought about how much it had been raining and that made me worry about this thing even more.
When I went around the building I was greeted by a 25 foot fence blocking me from getting to the back of the building. While at the fence I stopped and stood still, listening to find out if I could hear it. There it was… another cry out by this poor animal. I started to go back around the other way and after a few minute walk in the pouring rain around this large building I found a path that led me where I wished to go. I walked to where I thought it would be but there was a big problem. There was another large fence, actually a double fence only 2 feet away from the back wall of the building. It was a chain link fence and with all the trees, bushes and brush combined with the rain there was no way anyone was climbing over this thing. It seemed kind of flimsy to boot as if this fence had been there for decades. I put my hands against it and tested it. It was old and flimsy looking for sure but sturdy enough to withstand any pushing or force. I just wouldn’t want to be caught on top of it.
I heard a few more yelps and I pinpointed the spot where I thought it came from. It was a huge window, maybe 8 feet wide and possibly that tall too. The glass that remained was yellowed and impossible to see through. All of the growth and plant life on the ground rose up a few feet concealing it at its base. That’s where the animal was. The window was broken just above ground level and less than 8 inches from the outer edge of the window it was boarded heavily from the inside creating a nice little pocket that was pretty much protected from the elements and seemed like the perfect place to have a nest. Since the crying seemed to stop and the rain was pouring like crazy I began to worry a little less. It had to be a baby bird. There was no way that other animals like mice, squirrels, cats, chipmunks or whatever else could have gotten into such a secluded little spot. A bird must fly in and out of there. It seemed like the most logical choice. I went back inside of my work and for the remainder of the time I was there I didn’t really hear much more crying.
The next day I came into work that morning and heard nothing. I asked other people if they had heard it and no one had or cared but one guy whose work station was close to the back of the building said he heard it that morning. He said it was a bird. I didn’t ask him for evidence on how he came to that conclusion. He’s a bit of a weirdo so I simply figured he was an avid bird watcher or knew some other way because he seemed awful sure. I threw on my headphones and worked without too much concern. I also left early that day because I had kickball and some errands to run although kickball was later cancelled due to rain. I didn’t and couldn’t hear anything more that day.
When I came in on Tuesday morning I could hear the cries once again. It seemed different that morning but no one else said anything about it and with classic rock boy pumping the Tesla, I had to get my headphones on. By lunch time my curiosity was starting to get the better of me. I went to lunch thinking I’d take another look when I got back to the building.
Upon returning after a relaxing and tasty lunch I started talking to the guy who heard it the day before and I mentioned how I thought we should do something so we went to the back and I showed him the spot where the sound was coming from. It was a cloudy day but it wasn’t raining at that moment so there wouldn’t be any competing sounds from nature like raindrops on the leaves and bushes. We would be able to hear the birdie just fine but a strange thing happened when we walked to the double fence right in front of the old window. Whatever was in there sensed the presence of somebody and started to cry out. It was a soft but urgent meow. It was the kind that came from a kitten. My mouth just dropped. I said; “That’s no bird!” Then about a foot to the right of the first meow came another, softer meow. “Holy crap, there’s two kittens in there!”
When I thought it was a bird I was preparing to let nature do what it does. The mama bird could fly in and out of this hard to reach spot and bring food to her babies. But now that it was a pair of kittens, I didn’t know what to do. There was no sign of a mama cat and all I kept asking myself was how in the hell did they get in there?!?
Based on the 15 foot double fence, and the very narrow space between and the building filled with small trees, bushes and who knows what else it simply was not possible for someone to have “put” them there. What must have happened was a mama cat, maybe a stray or street cat must have found that little nest spot, out of sight and away from the rain to give birth. The problem was; where was she? More than that, how could we get them out? With the drop from ground level through that broken window and down about 1-2 feet to the interior window sill that we couldn’t even see, there was no way the little kitties could climb out.
I start thinking out loud while my co-worker starts to pace a little. He was so sure it was a bird that he almost convinced me. I start blurting out things we know, “okay well they’ve been here for at least 3 days now” The other guy looks a little bit concerned, he seems to care a little. He corrects me; “Actually I heard them most of last week.” No wait he doesn’t really care at all. I scream; “You’ve heard them for a week!?!”
With that news my concern magnified. They’ve been out there cold, hungry and crying for a week! They are lucky to be alive. I’m not liking my co-worker much at this time but what’s done is done… the time is now and it is of the essence. I blurt out “We have to do something”. My co-worker agrees as I think my concern rubbed out some of his indifference. We look at the fence and the surrounding area trying to find a way in. As we are looking around it starts to rain again. After a few minutes we conclude the only way to get to them is if we were able to cut through the fence. Unfortunately there’s no way we can do that so we go back inside to see about reaching them from in there.
As we find the spot where they are crying from we realize that this isn’t good either. The other side of the window was boarded up so long ago and there are layers and layers of solid wood blocking us from reaching them. To make matters worse, the breaker boxes and many electrical wires are basically right in the spot where we’d have to get through. It didn’t look promising but we still had to try.
We looked around for tools and all we really had was a hammer and a screwdriver. We tried to take apart the boards that were placed in front of that old window. They were hammered in with what seemed like a thousand nails. We got up on a small step ladder and we were pulling them out one by one to see if could remove the board or at least open it up enough to grab the kitties. The kittens could sense someone was near again and their cries became more passionate and frequent. As I tried to pull a nail from the wall, I was standing on the very top of the step ladder since this one was very high and their cries had my eyes tearing up as I pulled as hard as I could. My balance on the ladder was iffy at best and I thought about retreating but the cries were incredibly motivating. Those little kittens had so much courage so why couldn’t I?
After getting out many nails we discovered that the board would only move so much and then there was another, thicker board underneath that! Plus the electrical wiring and breaker boxes were really starting to come into play. It was obvious that we could not, with the tools we had; get through to the other side. It was obvious from the very beginning I guess but we still spent 20-25 minutes trying. Surely it was my stubbornness but I felt compelled to try even though the odds were terrible.
When we walked back into the main work area I thought the next best thing to do was to call the SPCA and animal control. I was hoping that they could do something to save these kittens. My boss wasn’t too thrilled we were using valuable work time to try to save these kittens. She said, if they’ve been there a week already it’s too late for them, plus they’d probably want us to pay for all the help they’d need. Wow. Money was the last thing on my mind at a time like this. She wasn’t happy that we or especially I was spending so much time trying to save them but she understood I couldn’t be deterred. I grabbed my cell phone and began calling around for help.
The SPCA animal rescue and the animal control place I called both told me the same thing, there were property issues since these kittens were trapped and the property would have to be altered to save them. They would not do anything that would open them up to a lawsuit. Plus, neither had the tools needed to free them. The consensus was that it was very bad luck this occurred and they really wished they could do something. They wanted me to call them back if I could free them and they’d be happy to pick them up and do what they could for them.
I was back to where I was and I didn’t know what to do. It was nearing 5pm and everyone at work was getting ready to go home with an “oh well” attitude. Our store was actually open to 8pm and at that moment I decided I would stay as long as possible to do something to help them. I walked to the back of the building where the spot they could be heard best was. I asked them to hold on and I told them I was going to keep trying. Their cries were getting weaker and sounded even more desperate to me if they could. Maybe it was my own desperation playing a role in that.
I walked all over the building looking for anything I could find and then I tried it on the wood. I went back outside in the rain and looked again at where they were hoping to find a way in. There was no way in… not unless you were a rodent or a cat yourself. I went back into the building and by now it was after 5 and everyone had left for the day. Despite that I ran into someone else who works in the building who hadn’t heard about the kittens yet. I told him and he went with me to the back of the building so he could see or hear for himself. There was no sound. I mentioned to him that sometimes they get quiet but once they know someone is around they’ll starting meowing like crazy. I tapped the wood. Again there was nothing. I tapped it harder and repeatedly but to no avail. The kittens went quiet. This man and I looked at each other. We knew what that meant without saying it.
I suppose this type of thing happens everywhere all the time. It happens in every city, town, country and neighborhood. Just because it does and I know it happens even more than I can imagine it doesn’t make it any easier to take when it happens and I bear witness to it. I did stay at work until close that night and I did keep trying to get to them pounding the fence and trying to break through it. I tried to get them to respond but this one was bigger than me. I learned a lesson that night that sometimes despite our own best efforts, you can’t save everyone. It’s not a pleasant lesson.
At the end of the day I went back to the spot outside where you were only a few feet away from them. I was never able to see them but their cries will live forever in my mind. I was standing where only a few hours before these two brave little kittens cried out for help that would never come. I felt a measure of guilt that I couldn’t get them out. I felt guilt for not noticing them sooner than I did. I felt anger at the people at work who were indifferent to their plight. I also felt disbelief. I still wondered how in the hell they got there. They had no use for a name but before I went home I named them Luna and Tito. It made me smile and quite frankly I could have used one at that moment. Then after a few quiet minutes I said: “Goodbye Luna, goodbye Tito.” and I left to go home.
I kept wiping away tears on my way back because I couldn’t stop the emotions from flowing uncontrollably. There was nothing more I could do than come home to a cold empty apartment, flip on the television, wait for tomorrow and hope it’s better. Unlike Luna and Tito, at least I get a tomorrow.
I left the pizza place and made my way as quick as possible to work. My hours were a little short for the week and thankfully I can come and go as I please which includes the weekends but unfortunately this is flawed as I can only work when the store is open and on Sundays we close at 6pm. I made it there just after four and I was looking to work about two hours so it was going to be close enough.
I sat down at my computer and booted up. I made sure I had whatever I needed for the short time I’d be there and I started to get going but there was something. It was like a chirping type of sound. The first thing I thought was is there a bird in the building? Under normal circumstances when everyone is around, I just throw on some headphones and get to work. One of my co-workers acts like he runs the place and always plays classic rock radio on the laptop he uses. Since everyone else there uses headphones but him I mentioned it a few times and he’d turn it down for a bit but we are less than 20 feet away from each other. He could keep it low and I’d still have to listen to Aerosmith, Bon Jovi and Van Halen all day. Now I like classic rock. I certainly don’t mind listening to it once in a while but I’m a music person. I can’t listen to that stuff EVERY day. I need variety and different styles and genres. I mean for Christ sake this is a record store! Can you imagine if out in the main store we had classic rock blasting all day long? Record stores are supposed to look and sound cool. Now I’m not sure if our store does either that well but at least we don’t pump classic rock or what passes for it over the store speakers.
Because of this, when I’m at work during regular days I have headphones on almost 100% of the time and I am difficult to reach. Thankfully I work on big projects and after many years with the company I know my job pretty cold so I don’t need to be reached most of the time. The volume of my music is directly linked to how loud the Bob Seger is. If he doesn’t get it, I’m not going to waste my breath explaining it to him when I have nice headphones and tons of sweet music on my work computer.
Today was different. No one was in the back but me. There was no need to block out the other people. There was no need to enhance my mood with music. I could hear the music from the store pretty well and I was okay with what they were playing. That’s how I heard the chirping sound. It was faint but remarkable nonetheless. I wondered if there was some bird or bat in the building. I put on some gloves and headed to where I thought the noise was coming from.
The first thing I saw was some mild flooding in the back of the room. With all the rain lately and our leaky roof I wasn’t surprised. Did the water have something to do with it? I heard the sound a few more times but it was still relatively faint. I wandered around the area and while it was stronger than it was when I was at my desk, it still wasn’t quite loud enough to trace.
I went into the dark corridor behind our main room and started to move down into the depths of the building. There it was again! This time is was louder. It sounded like a baby bird. I walked further and could see that the floor back here was also a little flooded to about a half inch. Right as I made my way past the breaker boxes and towards the edge of the puddle the chirping sounds came through again, this time as loud as it could. Whatever it was it was definitely a baby something and it was definitely on the outside of the building against the back wall.
I walked all the way up to the front of the building where our actual record store is and asked the manager guy how I can access the back of the building. He told me to go around the building in one direction and I’d find it. As I went outside I noticed it was raining again and I thought about how much it had been raining and that made me worry about this thing even more.
When I went around the building I was greeted by a 25 foot fence blocking me from getting to the back of the building. While at the fence I stopped and stood still, listening to find out if I could hear it. There it was… another cry out by this poor animal. I started to go back around the other way and after a few minute walk in the pouring rain around this large building I found a path that led me where I wished to go. I walked to where I thought it would be but there was a big problem. There was another large fence, actually a double fence only 2 feet away from the back wall of the building. It was a chain link fence and with all the trees, bushes and brush combined with the rain there was no way anyone was climbing over this thing. It seemed kind of flimsy to boot as if this fence had been there for decades. I put my hands against it and tested it. It was old and flimsy looking for sure but sturdy enough to withstand any pushing or force. I just wouldn’t want to be caught on top of it.
I heard a few more yelps and I pinpointed the spot where I thought it came from. It was a huge window, maybe 8 feet wide and possibly that tall too. The glass that remained was yellowed and impossible to see through. All of the growth and plant life on the ground rose up a few feet concealing it at its base. That’s where the animal was. The window was broken just above ground level and less than 8 inches from the outer edge of the window it was boarded heavily from the inside creating a nice little pocket that was pretty much protected from the elements and seemed like the perfect place to have a nest. Since the crying seemed to stop and the rain was pouring like crazy I began to worry a little less. It had to be a baby bird. There was no way that other animals like mice, squirrels, cats, chipmunks or whatever else could have gotten into such a secluded little spot. A bird must fly in and out of there. It seemed like the most logical choice. I went back inside of my work and for the remainder of the time I was there I didn’t really hear much more crying.
The next day I came into work that morning and heard nothing. I asked other people if they had heard it and no one had or cared but one guy whose work station was close to the back of the building said he heard it that morning. He said it was a bird. I didn’t ask him for evidence on how he came to that conclusion. He’s a bit of a weirdo so I simply figured he was an avid bird watcher or knew some other way because he seemed awful sure. I threw on my headphones and worked without too much concern. I also left early that day because I had kickball and some errands to run although kickball was later cancelled due to rain. I didn’t and couldn’t hear anything more that day.
When I came in on Tuesday morning I could hear the cries once again. It seemed different that morning but no one else said anything about it and with classic rock boy pumping the Tesla, I had to get my headphones on. By lunch time my curiosity was starting to get the better of me. I went to lunch thinking I’d take another look when I got back to the building.
Upon returning after a relaxing and tasty lunch I started talking to the guy who heard it the day before and I mentioned how I thought we should do something so we went to the back and I showed him the spot where the sound was coming from. It was a cloudy day but it wasn’t raining at that moment so there wouldn’t be any competing sounds from nature like raindrops on the leaves and bushes. We would be able to hear the birdie just fine but a strange thing happened when we walked to the double fence right in front of the old window. Whatever was in there sensed the presence of somebody and started to cry out. It was a soft but urgent meow. It was the kind that came from a kitten. My mouth just dropped. I said; “That’s no bird!” Then about a foot to the right of the first meow came another, softer meow. “Holy crap, there’s two kittens in there!”
When I thought it was a bird I was preparing to let nature do what it does. The mama bird could fly in and out of this hard to reach spot and bring food to her babies. But now that it was a pair of kittens, I didn’t know what to do. There was no sign of a mama cat and all I kept asking myself was how in the hell did they get in there?!?
Based on the 15 foot double fence, and the very narrow space between and the building filled with small trees, bushes and who knows what else it simply was not possible for someone to have “put” them there. What must have happened was a mama cat, maybe a stray or street cat must have found that little nest spot, out of sight and away from the rain to give birth. The problem was; where was she? More than that, how could we get them out? With the drop from ground level through that broken window and down about 1-2 feet to the interior window sill that we couldn’t even see, there was no way the little kitties could climb out.
I start thinking out loud while my co-worker starts to pace a little. He was so sure it was a bird that he almost convinced me. I start blurting out things we know, “okay well they’ve been here for at least 3 days now” The other guy looks a little bit concerned, he seems to care a little. He corrects me; “Actually I heard them most of last week.” No wait he doesn’t really care at all. I scream; “You’ve heard them for a week!?!”
With that news my concern magnified. They’ve been out there cold, hungry and crying for a week! They are lucky to be alive. I’m not liking my co-worker much at this time but what’s done is done… the time is now and it is of the essence. I blurt out “We have to do something”. My co-worker agrees as I think my concern rubbed out some of his indifference. We look at the fence and the surrounding area trying to find a way in. As we are looking around it starts to rain again. After a few minutes we conclude the only way to get to them is if we were able to cut through the fence. Unfortunately there’s no way we can do that so we go back inside to see about reaching them from in there.
As we find the spot where they are crying from we realize that this isn’t good either. The other side of the window was boarded up so long ago and there are layers and layers of solid wood blocking us from reaching them. To make matters worse, the breaker boxes and many electrical wires are basically right in the spot where we’d have to get through. It didn’t look promising but we still had to try.
We looked around for tools and all we really had was a hammer and a screwdriver. We tried to take apart the boards that were placed in front of that old window. They were hammered in with what seemed like a thousand nails. We got up on a small step ladder and we were pulling them out one by one to see if could remove the board or at least open it up enough to grab the kitties. The kittens could sense someone was near again and their cries became more passionate and frequent. As I tried to pull a nail from the wall, I was standing on the very top of the step ladder since this one was very high and their cries had my eyes tearing up as I pulled as hard as I could. My balance on the ladder was iffy at best and I thought about retreating but the cries were incredibly motivating. Those little kittens had so much courage so why couldn’t I?
After getting out many nails we discovered that the board would only move so much and then there was another, thicker board underneath that! Plus the electrical wiring and breaker boxes were really starting to come into play. It was obvious that we could not, with the tools we had; get through to the other side. It was obvious from the very beginning I guess but we still spent 20-25 minutes trying. Surely it was my stubbornness but I felt compelled to try even though the odds were terrible.
When we walked back into the main work area I thought the next best thing to do was to call the SPCA and animal control. I was hoping that they could do something to save these kittens. My boss wasn’t too thrilled we were using valuable work time to try to save these kittens. She said, if they’ve been there a week already it’s too late for them, plus they’d probably want us to pay for all the help they’d need. Wow. Money was the last thing on my mind at a time like this. She wasn’t happy that we or especially I was spending so much time trying to save them but she understood I couldn’t be deterred. I grabbed my cell phone and began calling around for help.
The SPCA animal rescue and the animal control place I called both told me the same thing, there were property issues since these kittens were trapped and the property would have to be altered to save them. They would not do anything that would open them up to a lawsuit. Plus, neither had the tools needed to free them. The consensus was that it was very bad luck this occurred and they really wished they could do something. They wanted me to call them back if I could free them and they’d be happy to pick them up and do what they could for them.
I was back to where I was and I didn’t know what to do. It was nearing 5pm and everyone at work was getting ready to go home with an “oh well” attitude. Our store was actually open to 8pm and at that moment I decided I would stay as long as possible to do something to help them. I walked to the back of the building where the spot they could be heard best was. I asked them to hold on and I told them I was going to keep trying. Their cries were getting weaker and sounded even more desperate to me if they could. Maybe it was my own desperation playing a role in that.
I walked all over the building looking for anything I could find and then I tried it on the wood. I went back outside in the rain and looked again at where they were hoping to find a way in. There was no way in… not unless you were a rodent or a cat yourself. I went back into the building and by now it was after 5 and everyone had left for the day. Despite that I ran into someone else who works in the building who hadn’t heard about the kittens yet. I told him and he went with me to the back of the building so he could see or hear for himself. There was no sound. I mentioned to him that sometimes they get quiet but once they know someone is around they’ll starting meowing like crazy. I tapped the wood. Again there was nothing. I tapped it harder and repeatedly but to no avail. The kittens went quiet. This man and I looked at each other. We knew what that meant without saying it.
I suppose this type of thing happens everywhere all the time. It happens in every city, town, country and neighborhood. Just because it does and I know it happens even more than I can imagine it doesn’t make it any easier to take when it happens and I bear witness to it. I did stay at work until close that night and I did keep trying to get to them pounding the fence and trying to break through it. I tried to get them to respond but this one was bigger than me. I learned a lesson that night that sometimes despite our own best efforts, you can’t save everyone. It’s not a pleasant lesson.
At the end of the day I went back to the spot outside where you were only a few feet away from them. I was never able to see them but their cries will live forever in my mind. I was standing where only a few hours before these two brave little kittens cried out for help that would never come. I felt a measure of guilt that I couldn’t get them out. I felt guilt for not noticing them sooner than I did. I felt anger at the people at work who were indifferent to their plight. I also felt disbelief. I still wondered how in the hell they got there. They had no use for a name but before I went home I named them Luna and Tito. It made me smile and quite frankly I could have used one at that moment. Then after a few quiet minutes I said: “Goodbye Luna, goodbye Tito.” and I left to go home.
I kept wiping away tears on my way back because I couldn’t stop the emotions from flowing uncontrollably. There was nothing more I could do than come home to a cold empty apartment, flip on the television, wait for tomorrow and hope it’s better. Unlike Luna and Tito, at least I get a tomorrow.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
100 Blogs: (#71) "Fin"
I’m wrapping up my blog project 29 entries short. Since it’s a project I created, I can do what I want and while ideally I would have liked to have finished it, especially when I think about how I felt about it 2 months ago, I just don’t care about it any longer. Rather than mail it in for the next 29 entries I thought it’s best to end it.
I’m going through a rough period and while you’d think it was an ideal time to write, I’m feeling very distant from everything and I want to withdraw and keep many things to myself. Plus I realize my emotional state lately is up and down. When I go through a low I don’t want to do things to make me miserable and forcing me to write when I feel like garbage probably wouldn’t help.
With my parent’s birthdays a few days ago, a lot of emotion was stirred up inside me and I feel so lonely, so hopeless and invisible. I feel like I matter to no one. I feel like no one cares. I feel like I could disappear and nothing would change. I know that isn’t true, but sometimes I get this way. I begin to feel alone and isolated and I hide from everyone but my closest friends for a bit and I think about life until I get a sign. It never lasts and something always snaps me out of it because I love life and too many little things out there to not re-engage but for now I feel down. It was a good run. I’ve been pretty happy for most of this year and I made it a long way on this blog project. I have no regrets.
My blogs will go back to being periodical or when I have something to say. For now I don’t want to say anything or talk to anyone. I want to thank everyone who read the blogs and those who commented on this site or the other. It really means a lot to me. I hope some of my thoughts and ideas were entertaining. I learned a lot from the writing project and who knows, maybe one day I’ll try it again.
I’m going through a rough period and while you’d think it was an ideal time to write, I’m feeling very distant from everything and I want to withdraw and keep many things to myself. Plus I realize my emotional state lately is up and down. When I go through a low I don’t want to do things to make me miserable and forcing me to write when I feel like garbage probably wouldn’t help.
With my parent’s birthdays a few days ago, a lot of emotion was stirred up inside me and I feel so lonely, so hopeless and invisible. I feel like I matter to no one. I feel like no one cares. I feel like I could disappear and nothing would change. I know that isn’t true, but sometimes I get this way. I begin to feel alone and isolated and I hide from everyone but my closest friends for a bit and I think about life until I get a sign. It never lasts and something always snaps me out of it because I love life and too many little things out there to not re-engage but for now I feel down. It was a good run. I’ve been pretty happy for most of this year and I made it a long way on this blog project. I have no regrets.
My blogs will go back to being periodical or when I have something to say. For now I don’t want to say anything or talk to anyone. I want to thank everyone who read the blogs and those who commented on this site or the other. It really means a lot to me. I hope some of my thoughts and ideas were entertaining. I learned a lot from the writing project and who knows, maybe one day I’ll try it again.
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