I’m wrapping up my blog project 29 entries short. Since it’s a project I created, I can do what I want and while ideally I would have liked to have finished it, especially when I think about how I felt about it 2 months ago, I just don’t care about it any longer. Rather than mail it in for the next 29 entries I thought it’s best to end it.
I’m going through a rough period and while you’d think it was an ideal time to write, I’m feeling very distant from everything and I want to withdraw and keep many things to myself. Plus I realize my emotional state lately is up and down. When I go through a low I don’t want to do things to make me miserable and forcing me to write when I feel like garbage probably wouldn’t help.
With my parent’s birthdays a few days ago, a lot of emotion was stirred up inside me and I feel so lonely, so hopeless and invisible. I feel like I matter to no one. I feel like no one cares. I feel like I could disappear and nothing would change. I know that isn’t true, but sometimes I get this way. I begin to feel alone and isolated and I hide from everyone but my closest friends for a bit and I think about life until I get a sign. It never lasts and something always snaps me out of it because I love life and too many little things out there to not re-engage but for now I feel down. It was a good run. I’ve been pretty happy for most of this year and I made it a long way on this blog project. I have no regrets.
My blogs will go back to being periodical or when I have something to say. For now I don’t want to say anything or talk to anyone. I want to thank everyone who read the blogs and those who commented on this site or the other. It really means a lot to me. I hope some of my thoughts and ideas were entertaining. I learned a lot from the writing project and who knows, maybe one day I’ll try it again.
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