I always talk about living in the moment. I try to live my life this way. It’s given me some of the greatest memories and some of the deepest emotions I could ever know but on the flip side it has also hindered me in other areas. It’s a trade I’ve always been willing to make and I don’t see that ending anytime soon. Generally when you talk to me, I am right there. My mind isn’t thinking about next year or other people and places. My mind is not on work or some other conversation. I’m focused on you and what you are saying and if I drift at all it’s probably your fault. You might have said something so interesting it might have set my mind on a new course… but only for a moment. I never go too far from right now. That’s my policy.
I haven’t perfected it though. Actually, I think very few have. Those that have probably live in a temple somewhere and hardly speak. I’m not trying to get that far, I just want to enjoy life as much as possible in the here and now. Just how much or how well do I pull it off? If my mind were a pie chart, how would it look? If I were to break it down I’d say I spend about 60% of my time in the present. As a chronic over-analyzer I’d say I spend 30% focused on the recent past and about 10% on the very near future.
We’ll start first with the very near future since it takes up the least amount of time in my conscious mind. It probably took up a larger percentage if we go back a few years but I’ve softened my tendency to plan out everything like I used to. I still write plans and dates into my calendar and I still get bummed out if something doesn’t go according to plan but I’ve learned how to be spontaneous and how to do things on the fly. I’d say at this point in my life that I enjoy both spur of the moment things and scheduled activities equally but occasionally I can’t help wondering if something will go off as scheduled. Plus I’m always thinking so I might be thinking about how a future activity could be cooler through the anticipation of it or what my contingency plans will be if it doesn’t work out all the while knowing that at some point it’s out of your hands and you just have to go with it. Got it? Well, it all makes sense to me. Learning to go with it when I have to was something that I’ve learned over the years.
Next I spend about 30% of my conscious time focused on the past. More specifically I’m pondering the recent past. It goes both ways too. I reflect on my glory and the gory. When I make a mistake it takes me a while to let it go. I keep rehashing it and questioning what I thought before whatever it was happened. If things happen to me that I did not expect it gets worse. I keep wondering what I could have done different to achieve a more favorable outcome, even if that wasn’t possible. I wonder if fate has it in for me. I can be pretty hard on myself sometimes. Usually reliving negative emotions stays with me for a little while but it eventually fades.
As much as I lament, I also savor. If something wonderful happens to me I can’t get it off my mind. Case in point, when I saw Crowded House in concert a few weeks back I was on fire for over a week about that show. I listened to almost nothing but that band and when a song came on that I remembered from the concert, I could almost see them playing it all over again. I savor the hell out of the good times. It happens with people too. If I meet a beautiful woman who interests me, it’s hard to get her off my mind. It happens with nearly anything. If I loved doing, meeting, seeing, or experiencing it, then I’m gonna hang on to it for a little while. I love lots of things on this big ol’ planet so I tend to do a fair amount of savoring.
Despite spending a little time looking ahead and a little more looking back, I’d say I spend about 60% of my conscious time and mind on the moment. Whether it’s a song, a movie, a conversation, a show, a breeze, a passerby, browsing, writing, reading or wandering around I’m often fixated on this particular moment. I want to make it the best moment I can. Focusing on the 5 seconds in front of my face can be blissful and troublesome. I think my weight issues stem from precisely this philosophy. Although I’ve made some nice strides the last month or so with my diet, I have to tell myself not to have TOO much fun in the moment when it comes to eating. Perhaps that’s a little more of a mind on the future, I dunno. I look at it as enhancing the likelihood of having more future moments to enjoy. It’s like looking ahead to a future present time. Thinking about how I think feels like an exercise where I am focused on the past, present and future. Imagine that.
Well, that’s a small taste of what’s going on inside my mind. Do you live in the now? Is it something you wish to achieve or avoid? I wish to achieve living in this beautiful, wonderful moment but I am also trying to avoid hanging on to it just so I can get stuck in a new moment.
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