Warning: This blog is about sex. I am going to talk about sex in a personal way, so if the thought of me talking about sex makes you uncomfortable, I would advise skipping this blog. If you are a little naughty or can handle it, read on.
I’m going to start in spring 1987.
All I wanted to do was play sports. I was 12 years old and every day was the same. I’d go to school and then come home, watch 90 minutes of cartoons which usually consisted of G.I. Joe, Transformers and Voltron. During the cartoons or right after them I ate dinner. Strangely, my family ate at 3:30 or 4pm most of the time which would bother me now but back then I didn’t mind because once dinner was over I would have 3-4 straight uninterrupted hours to go out and play play play. I’d play sports with other kids in the neighborhood, climb things, or take the G.I. Joe action figures out to the yard to wage an imaginary war against aliens, demons or any other terrible creature I saw on television that week.
Like most kids my age my concerns were minor ones… What will Alf do this week? I hope I kick a home run in gym glass tomorrow. I hope we have hot dogs for school lunch today. That was it until one fateful day.
They gathered the whole 7th grade class together in the cafeteria. Was this going to be 2nd lunch? Are we hobbits? I didn’t understand. Then a man and a woman dressed impressively and business-like walked in front of the room and asked how many of us knew where babies come from. I think nearly everyone raised their hands. Everyone knew babies came from women, duh.
Then it started. We began to look at diagrams of penises and vaginas. We learned all about the reproductive systems. I learned all about this dangerous weapon I possessed. It blew my mind. I’m not even sure all of it sunk in that day. But I was fascinated with the amount of responsibility, consideration and care required for my private parts. I had no idea of the importance of that thing! Up until that point I thought it was pretty useless. But on that afternoon Pandora’s jar was opened. I ask you, what does any kid want to do the second they’ve realized they have a new toy… that’s right they want to play with it.
So play I did and true to form I overdid it. Whenever I was outside playing I’d never want the fun to stop. Often my mom had to yell for me to come home or even come down the street to the playground and collect me because when I was just having too much fun, I’d never want it to end! Why would exploring my body be any different? I was having fun and I certainly did not want it to end. Suddenly instead of candy or toys I wanted to spend my allowance on swimsuit issues.
Several months later to say I was addicted might have been an understatement. I both loved and hated these people who taught me about sex. I loved this whole new world they introduced me to but I hated how time consuming and intrusive this new world became. I was never satisfied. 2 minutes after I’d finish, I’d want to do it again. I guess this is what happens when you give something important to a 12 year old. I didn’t know control. I didn’t know how to use it properly. I turned my body into an amusement park and the roller coaster was the most popular ride… or was it the tunnel of love?
Perhaps if my parents had discussed it with me I wouldn’t have been so inclined to set new records each week. When a strange woman talks all about sex to you, regardless of it’s at school or anywhere else, it’s a hell of a lot sexier than if your parents try to talk about it with you. Then it goes from mysterious and provocative to downright icky and annoying.
I became a fiend it seemed because these people came in and taught us about sex. With kids how they are and with sex as widespread as it has turned out to be I’m sure it was inevitable to discover this crazy new world and perhaps I would have reacted the same way but as we all know… you never forget your first.
Back to the subject at hand, so to speak… no one knows for certain if that same voracious appetite still exists in this man today, who would be nearly 36 by now, but legend has it that if it does, he hides it well. He always presents as a nice, gentlemanly sort but be careful… if you start talking about sex around him, he’ll blush.
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