While my recent dating life is about as dreadful now as it has been the last few years I feel like things are looking up. Despite not having a serious girlfriend for a few years and not finding what I want for longer than that I feel a great deal of hope. Things have been moving very slowly in the right direction and I have no reason to think they will reverse their course.
Why am I hopeful? I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and I think it boils down to Self love, confidence through recent experiences and open mindedness. These are 3 areas that I think are important to finding someone. I can’t see how you’d find someone great if you hate yourself, have little to no confidence and have a narrow mind about people to date. Believe it or not this was how I felt 5-6 years ago.
After setbacks, poor choices and unforeseen circumstances that hurt me more than I expected it’s taken me many years to get to a place where I am comfortable within my own skin. I wouldn’t say I am 100% there yet but who is? The important thing is that I’m getting there, little by little and as I’ve been losing weight this summer and feeling better and better about myself I can feel the self love grow. I think I’m an awesome person on the inside and when I look awesome on the outside (thinner, more handsome and more confident) I think I am gonna fall head over heels for me.
While I would like more confidence, I feel like my self confidence is coming along rather well. I think in the past couple of years I’ve started to come out of my shell and no longer feel the same anxiety talking to strangers as I once did. I’ve always been a bit of a private man, isolated and living in my own world. I started to come out of that when I began posting blogs online where anyone could read them way back in the start of this millennium. To compliment that, I’ve gotten out and did more things with people in the past 2 years than I did the 10 before when I only stuck to a small group of friends. When I go out I find that I’m not the freaky weirdo that could never fit in that I grew up thinking I was. I find that I can get along with almost anyone and my wit and charm can really shine when I am in small groups.
Recent experiences tell me that I’m not so adamant about all the standards I set for my mate long ago. I’m not going to get into all of it here but in the past any potential girlfriends had to be dark haired, tall, athletic, smart, witty, sarcastic, funny, honest, caring, kind, affectionate, into sports, into good music, have good smiles, powerful eyes, with a long suckable neck and sexy as hell. That was just for starters. But I’ve gone out with a few ladies this year alone who do not quality under my old standards. What’s different? Well, I’m certainly more accepting of flaws, even if they aren’t really flaws per se, simply flaws with my plan. I don’t know why I’ve softened my guidelines but I’m glad I have. Is it because I’m getting older and more worried about the prospect of being alone? I can’t say no. I’d like to think there’s more to it than that. I mean, I’m far from perfect but someday I will be the perfect boyfriend, fiancé and husband for somebody. I’m sure the opposite will be true and I only need to look at the past few months for reasons.
Recently, and for the first time in years I was actually starting to truly fall for someone before she cut me down with the just friends axe. The thing that amazed me was that she wasn’t what I normally look for. But as a true INFJ personality I saw the great stuff and it shined so bright that the not so great stuff or stuff I would normally look to avoid couldn’t even be seen. I’m not certain if was a testament to how much I liked her or my growing acceptance of things that just aren’t on my “list”. Perhaps it is a little of both.
With a burgeoning love for myself, better self confidence and a mind open to more possibilities than ever I feel like my time is coming and my next great love (and hopefully my last) may be right around the corner. I’m proud of how far I’ve come and I’m excited about how far I can go. What does all of this mean? I think I’m getting close to finding my queen.
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