100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 54) - "The Bills... more of the same"

The Buffalo Bills… where do I begin? Well it looks like they kicked off the 2010 season with a fiesta. The problem is they were partying like it was 2009. I had such high hopes because it was opening day, because they were at home and because there hasn’t been any Bills football since about 9 months ago. It’s hard not to be excited. The problem is that I know that this year’s team is among the worst in the league.

The Bills changed coaches, general manager and some players as well but when you need about 20 good players to walk through that door, it’s not going to happen overnight. They signed a few low cost free agents, drafted a handful of promising young guys but if you weren’t sure a lot more work was needed to resuscitate this franchise, today’s home opener against a mediocre Miami Dolphins team was all the proof we needed.

The Bills had countless chances to win this game. Their defense showed up and along with the loud, raucous crowd made things tough on Miami’s offense holding them time and time again, especially in the 2nd half when the sellout crowd was begging for some offense from the Bills. If I’m not mistaken the Bills went 3 and out at least 4 times in that pivotal 2nd half.

It really looked like a Bills home game from last year, 2008, 2007 and so on. The defense plays well and keeps us in it and if the offense can do ANYTHING, the win is there for the taking. In this case the offense did absolutely nothing and we lost a close one that didn’t feel as close as it ended up. I for one felt incredibly lucky all game, thinking I can’t believe we are this close to tying the game despite playing as badly as we did.

The worst part of all was that this team reverted back to its’ same boring, tired ways. It was the kind of game where, if it weren’t for the opening day juices and natural curiosity for what the team would look like this season, many fans could have fallen asleep. When C.J. Spiller was drafted and some people questioned the move because of the Bills other more pressing needs, owner Ralph Wilson said they drafted Spiller because he’s an explosive, exciting player and that’s what the team and the fans needed; some excitement. Well guess what? It’s going to take more than Spiller. He is undoubtedly a very fun player to watch but when your offensive line is suspect, your quarterback is completely afraid to throw downfield and the only thing the defense is worried about is the running game, it’s going to be very difficult to run the ball. They tried to get it to Spiller, especially early on but the whole gameplan was flawed.

It all comes down to one player; Bills quarterback Trent Edwards. Yes, he looked great during the preseason against the vanilla defenses and other team’s backups but in the regular season he regresses. He goes back to being Trentative. He’s petrified of throwing the ball down field and sometimes he’s scared to throw the ball altogether. You CANNOT win consistently in the NFL with a scared quarterback. This is a game of chances and risks and he won’t take any. It doesn’t matter if he has the smarts and the physical tools, if he doesn’t have the guts to be a winner, none of that other stuff matters.

It’s really unfortunate because the fans in attendance were amped up. I was amped up! The defense and many of the players gave a tremendous effort and to see him back there not willing to try to win this game for them, for us, is a damn shame. As you can tell I’m sick of Trent the quarterback. I’m done with him and I was really hoping that after last season we’d never have to watch him again. Unfortunately it looks like we’ll be stuck with him for one more year, but on the bright side this team isn’t ready to contend for the playoffs yet. He’s basically keeping us from being a middle of the pack team. Truth is there are still many holes on both lines, linebacker, tight end, receiver and of course quarterback. If you really want to get optimistic about losing, just think if we finish among the worst 2 or 3 teams in the league this year we’ll have an excellent chance at college quarterback Jake Locker in the 2011 draft. They say he’s better than any of the quarterback prospects who came out of college the past few years. He will certainly go first or second in the draft and if we finish with the worst record in the league, we’ll get the first pick.

In conclusion I say if you are going to lose, lose well. Go down with a fight. I can take the losing that’s going to be coming most of the time this season if the team is exciting and I feel like we are leaving it all on the field. What I can’t take is when most of the guys are giving it all they can and their supposed leader on the field is being a coward. I don’t think it’s fair. Next week is a trip to a very good Green Bay team and a big time ass whooping if they play the same game. I’m hoping this week’s game will serve as a wake up despite not having any reason based on the past to expect it to be. I’m hoping for an exciting game next week and not just from the Packers. That’s all us Bills fans have these days; hope.

100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 53) - "Music is Art, in brief"

This is going to be a short one due to fatigue but I had to write about the Music is Art festival. If you’ve never been it’s a 1 day, all day event where there’s 4 or 5 stages, a DJ area, art and more art all around. The taco truck was even there! I finally got to try a burrito from them and wow, it was great… even more than that, it was very reasonably priced.

The bands ranged from good to awful and I think I didn’t like most of them, but every once in a while I’d catch one I really liked. I did enjoy most of the attractions and art that was there. The energy of the thing was really cool. When I walked around, no matter where I went on the grounds, the energy felt good. Plus I love that it happens at the Albright Knox which provides almost as great a backdrop as the Park lake right across the street. I’m so grateful this festival goes on every year so I thank all the organizers.

In other news, we won our first football game of the season by quite a lot, and the Bills season opener is only a few hours away! Lets go Buffalo!

‎100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 52) - "Am I Ready for Some Football?"

In just a few hours my football team Kung Fu Hustle will embark on our 8th season! With the way the last one ended you might be surprised to see us back out there but here we are ready to rumble. This year we’ve been moved to UB North up in Amherst instead of South Buffalo. The fields seem nicer, more even and the view out there is beautiful so it seems like things from a league perspective are looking up.

Speaking of which, last season was up and down to say the least. We continued along the same strange path we had established the season before that… we would elevate our game and beat the best teams in our division and then have tons of trouble with the ones towards the bottom of the barrel. Since our division now has no clear cut favorites in it, I wonder if it’s a good thing or bad thing.

Last year ended in such surreal fashion. We were in a playoff game and we jumped ahead 20-0. We were dominating this opponent. Everything was going our way and then… two of our players slammed into each other, one badly injuring his knee and the other suffering a broken face for lack of better terms. Both had to be helped off the field and suddenly we were 2 men short. I wasn’t even sure about continuing to play when one of my friends was pretty messed up and bleeding a lot on the sideline. We continued the game but it wasn’t right and we ended up losing by 2 points, something like 35-33. It was a sham and after the game I know a few of us were thinking if maybe that was it for our team.

Somewhere between then and now we decided we can’t go out like that. We are now 4 full seasons removed from our only division championship. That year everything clicked and most importantly I got to throw a long touchdown strike at Ralph Wilson Stadium in the title game! 3 seasons ago we lost in the title game while attempting to defend our title and the last 2 seasons our up and down squads have lost in the first round of the playoffs.

The thing about us is that you never know what to expect. That goes for on the field and off. Our teams have a high turnover rate each season, we have the experience and savvy to beat anyone and we are just as capable playing a brutally ugly brand of football as we are of playing so beautiful, you’d think it was art. This year we welcome more than a half dozen new players to replace about that many we’ve lost from last season. Are the new players better than the ones they’ve replaced? Well I guess time will tell but we like the new personnel. Only myself and the team captain have been there for all 8 seasons and we’ve seen many people come and go.

Speaking of the team captain, he, myself and another teammate will get to partake in our pregame ritual tomorrow morning before our first game. That consists of going to the very delicious Betty’s for breakfast before we head out to the field. The food is great, we talk about the forthcoming game and my friend gets to make eyes with the pretty waitress he has a thing for. You can get an order of fruit there which I absolutely love in the morning before a game. I’m going to do that and perhaps some French toast depending on what their specials are.

I’m almost as optimistic about our chances this season as I am about how great breakfast will be. As I said, there are no dominant teams in our division so tomorrow may very well be the first step to our 2nd division title… Wish us luck!

100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 51) - "Kevin Bacon wouldn't burn the Quran"

Today’s blog was going to be about the geniuses who were going to burn the Quran on Saturday but a funny thing happened, they changed their minds. Apparently someone told this pastor that the New York City mosque would be moved to a new location and then the pastor discovered that someone lied to him about it so now they were uncanceling the canceled event. Huh? He says that they will still burn the Quran but now it won’t be on Saturday but at a later date. So basically, they didn’t cancel the spectacle but have suspended it.

I was going to write about this demonstration today and state my opinion on the whole thing but with news coming in every hour today I don’t know what to say.

I am in agreement with the President, NYC mayor Bloomberg and countless others when I say that this pastor and this church certainly has the right to burn it. I will not dispute that. Many men and women have fought and many have died for that right. Now if this thing ever happens I wonder how many American men and women would die because of it. You don’t think our enemies aren’t salivating at the chance to use this display to inspire and rally even more people against us and our interests? Never mind the fact that radical Islamists do this type of thing all the time, if we did it, it would appear as if we were upping the ante.

When it comes to devotion to their god and their laws I can’t dispute that they win. I don’t hear of many Americans strapping a bomb to them and blowing up 50 people to make a statement. Being who I am and considering where I live I guess it’s no surprise I find this behavior to be mad. So while I’ll give it to them on devotion and discipline, I’ll also give it to them on being crazy.

That’s not to say we don’t have a few nutballs and religious zealots of our own. Hate + hate just equals more hate and I really don’t think putting on such a hateful display would help anyone other than terrorists, radicals and extremists. I thought we decided long ago that burning books was a bad idea. I mean Kevin Bacon danced his way to freedom over book burning, dance banning nutjobs over 25 years ago. You’d think the world would learn from it.

My opinion on religion has always been: believe what you want, enjoy yourself, good luck and peace with you, BUT please keep your religion to yourself. Take away all the posturing, divine messages and conjecture this is just another case of my god is better than your god and I’m so tired of it. Millions of people have died in this argument over dozens of centuries and it appears that in spite of Blackberrys, Electric Cars and Coke Zero, we really haven’t learned that much.

There is no right answer and even if there was, we’d never get everyone to agree. I wish we’d take all the resources and time wasted in fighting over who is right and use it to better humanity, like finding cures for diseases and other tangible things. Then we could all kick off our Sunday shoes. lose our blues and get footloose!

100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 50) - "Oh, We're Half Way There"

Opening up his 50th blog with a Bon Jovi lyric, what’s with this guy? As if someone as cool as Ed would type a blog about Bon Jovi, let alone quote their lyrics. I mean, really? Edwin would never write a blog on Bon Jovi… Wait for it… Yes he is!

It was the summer of 1987. My oldest friend came back form California and was living a few blocks away from me. I lived on Hudson really close to Wadsworth which was a block away from where Allen Street started. My friend lived on Mariner which is right off of Allen and probably less than a 10 minute walk away. The neighborhood was multi-cultural, which was a really cool thing that I’ve always been thankful for but it made it hard to make friends when you went against the grain. My friend and I were kind of outcasts. There were bullies all around who wanted to kick our behinds because we were different and we were considered dorks.

What that meant was that most times we hung out it would be at one person’s house or the other. It was summertime and everyone was out. I don’t know if it’s like this in richer neighborhoods or in the burbs but in our neighborhood, everyone was on their porches and the kids if not on the porch were in the street or at the nearby Days Park. No one stayed inside… after all, no one had air conditioning. The best way to stay cool was to be outside and maybe getting a garden hose or fire hydrant going.

When it came to who had the better street, my friend won. His street was more chill and more importantly than that, there were girls there! My block had a few girls, but none that we were interested in nor would be interested in us. So now that we had the spot we needed to bait our hooks. How would we lure them over? We needed some “game” to kick it to the ladies but unfortunately the only kind of game we had was maybe a little Dungeons and Dragons. Teenage girls have no love for wizards and even less love for hobgoblins.

Part of my dorky charm back then was my love for music. I often switched from one genre to the next and due to my youth I didn’t know I could like more than one at one time. By the summer of 1987 I was firmly entrenched in the MTV phase of my life. That means anything they played on MTV was the greatest thing ever. By 1987 new wave was getting pushed aside for hair metal and power ballads. While I know it’s not true now, back then MTV told me those things were way cooler than Thompson Twins, Duran Duran, Culture Club, the Cars and Howard Jones. I bought in even though they played Poison and Winger videos every 90 minutes or less.

I may not have known how to talk to women but I knew the international language of love; music. So every day that summer I played what I was into that I also knew the ladies would be into: Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet. We literally listened to it every single day, sometimes multiple times a day and god bless that Jon Bon Jovi because the girls came over and hung out. It wasn’t that I had some rare copy of the record, I mean it was the highest selling record of 1987, but when two hot guys are pumping Livin on a Prayer, the ladies can’t resist.

To this day I still know the words to most of that album. Plus although it’s not entirely cool to admit it, that’s one of the most important records to me in the course of my life. My friend hooked up with a very pretty girl that summer and I received one of my first real lessons with the women. It was an important summer in my history and Bon Jovi was the soundtrack. I guess the lesson here is that we gotta hold on to what we got… cause it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not. We got each other and that’s a lot, for love… we’ll give it a shot.

100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 49) - "Always Looking For Something Better"

Recently I made the acquaintance of a guy named Chuck. Chuck is not the kind of guy I would be friends with. He’s in his late 40’s, maybe 50. He’s a conservative, doesn’t like music that came out after 1970 and likes to hunt and shoot animals. After talking to him long enough to find all those things out, I knew I wasn’t going to hit it off with this guy. We just didn’t have a lot in common. I diverted my attention to someone more interesting nearby.

Then a strange thing happened. I overheard Chuck talking about relationships. He talked about how he puts his women on a pedestal and because of this; the vast majority never seem good enough. He talked about the fickle reasons he’d use to rule someone out. He mentioned that sometimes it felt like he didn’t really want a relationship because of how picky he could be. He talked about sabotaging his own dates. By this time he noticed that I moved back over to where he was and was listening intently. He smiled and asked if I were a kindred spirit.

I revealed that I was and that I had been since my teen years. This surprised him. He told me that he became this way after he had a meaningful relationship with the girl of his dreams in his mid-20’s and when she left him, he found it hard to find anyone who could measure up to her. My reason for being so selective was based on a dream girl I’ve been dreaming about since I was in high school but had never met, let alone had a relationship with.

He laughed and informed me that I might be more hopeless than he is. He went on to warn me like the ghost of relationships past that I needed to change my ways. “You’re still young” he explained, “You still have time to connect with someone and be happy”. I wasn’t sure how I felt about what he was saying. Was he telling me to drop my standards? He above anyone should know how difficult that would be. When I find something less than I want, I don’t want it, not even a little bit. I can’t pretend when it comes to the heart and other people’s feelings. I couldn’t be with a beautiful woman who only did it for me physically. Before I could offer my skeptical retort he added; “Now I’m not saying that you should lower your expectations that much, but I think it’s important that you get the fantasy of the perfect woman out of your head. She doesn’t exist… and while you are spending all your time looking for this perfect woman, all of these really great woman are passing you by. Basically you gotta stop always looking for something better when you have something great right in front of you, because most times that’s the best we’ll ever get.”

He paused to let me absorb what he said. After a few seconds spent on his words I gave him a reassuring look and a slight nod. It was like I was writing down his words in my mind and I had just caught up. He continued; “I should know. I’ve been fixated on my fantasy for so long that I can never give myself to someone, at least not completely. I’m always partially into them and partially into someone who doesn’t exist anymore. How is that fair to the person I’m with? But I’ve blown it. Now I’m past my prime and it gets harder and harder to meet someone even halfway decent.” He sighed as if revealing that last bit of information hurt him to say. He stood there, silent and relieved as if he’d been waiting to give this speech to someone for a long time. I imagine what he said wasn’t easy for him to say and that it probably took a lot for him to admit he’s been wrong for so long. I didn’t ask him when he figured it all out or what triggered such knowledge and maybe I should have but he gave me plenty to ponder already.

I thanked him for his words and after giving him a firm and thankful handshake I turned to walk away. He had given me so much in only a few minutes and even though I could not completely agree with everything he said, I could not disagree with any of it either. He had been at it longer than I had and the more I thought about it, the more it scared me to think about becoming this man in 12-15 years. He had a point but I know myself. I know I won’t settle. Would I have to learn to settle for someone as he put it, really great instead of perfect? Before I was too far away Chuck called out to me one last time. He said; “Hey kid, one more thing… “Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” I stopped in my tracks. That sounded so profound. I think he could see the impressed look on my face so he said the last thing he ever said to me; “Don’t worry kid, that’s not mine… but make it yours”.

100 Blogs in 100 Days: (Day 48) - "Alone"

It’s rare that my company gives me a holiday off. I think I only get 5 a year which is the minimum required number a company has to give in this state. I had the day all mapped out. It was going to be the best day off ever. I was going to start off with a trip to the zoo this morning and then I would take in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World for the 2nd time with someone who was going for their first. After that I was going to treat myself to dinner somewhere, whether it was me and some friends or just me alone. I was going to live it up on this rare day off.

The day started off ominously when my friend called to bail out on the zoo. I was thinking of bailing out too but if he was still going I definitely would have. I charged my camera and I was very excited about taking pictures of many of the animals and watching the kids getting excited over them. It brings back memories. I didn’t want to go by myself though and with the zoo now out of the picture, I took it easy and watched television until it was time to get ready for the movie.

I went down to the Market Arcade movie theater which is my favorite one in the city and I should also add the only one that still had the film playing in it. I was supposed to meet someone there but she didn’t show. I think there may have been a miscommunication of some sort but oh well, I was there and I couldn’t wait to see the film again. Once it started I felt so giddy. This is definitely one of the best films I’ve seen in years and I am so in love with it. As we got underway I noticed there were very few people in the theater with me. It was basically me and 8 other people. The fact that the 8 people were 4 couples was not lost on me. I was the only loner there. This would have made me feel sad but the movie had started and I got sucked in once again.

Did I mention yet how big of a crush I have on Ramona Flowers? She’s so pretty, stylish and mysterious. That’s a very sexy combination. Plus she has those big pretty eyes, so full of life and wonder. Big eyes can go one of two ways. They can go the big pretty Ramona Flowers way or the big creepy way. I love looking into big pretty eyes. You can get lost in there. It doesn’t matter what color they are.

Once the movie ended and I teared up a little bit at Scott and Ramona taking a chance together I looked around at all the couples. Two of them were snuggling and man was I jealous. I rose up and left before anyone else. On the one hand the amazing film got my emotions swirling. I’m a frequent and vivid dreamer and that film is about a man finding his dream girl while living in what seemed like a dream world. I relate to it so easily. On the other once the reality returned and the credits began to roll I felt very alone.

On a purely critical note about the movie, it was just like the first time… after it ended I wanted to see it again right then and there. The imagery and style of the film floors me and makes me giddy like a schoolgirl. I want to see it again but it’s only at the Market Arcade, Transit Regal and the Drive in, and that may only last until Thursday. Maybe I’ll do it Thursday night.

After I left the theater it was getting near 4pm. The sun was out and there was a nice breeze. My mind was flooded with thoughts, ideas and dreams. I had so much going on. I decided at that point to walk home. It would be a long walk but it would be a good walk. I made my way north toward home and I let my mind go to work. I took side streets and quiet streets so I would have less interruptions and distractions.

I thought about how much I loved that film and how much my life is empty without my Ramona Flowers. What a thrill it is to rise in the morning knowing you are loved and that you love. What a thrill it is to spend parts of your day thinking of ways to show them that love. What a thrill it must be to see their love in response to yours. My capacity to love and give is so deep but I hate that I’m wasting away and I don’t get to tap into that vast well of goodness.

I had so much on my mind during the walk back I didn’t even go to my mp3 player right away. For the first time ever I thought about moving away. I love my hometown and I have friends and relatives here I care about very much but my life is so empty and alone. I wonder if my life will always be this way. I mean, you’ll never find anyone with more hope and realistic optimism than me but I’ve been wishing and hoping for a few decades now with very little to show for it. I’m not saying I plan to move away but due to my perpetual loneliness the thought has now crossed my mind.

I thought it was going to take me about an hour to get home from downtown but surprisingly I made it in less than 40 minutes. When I made it to within a few blocks of my place I decided I needed to keep walking so I did. I wandered around my neighborhood a little until finally I became thirsty and instead of spending dinero on agua from some nearby store I remembered I had Gatorade and Aquafina at home so I finally broke down and returned there.

Once I sat down I started to write. I wrote poems, I wrote about an idea and I started this. I felt bummed out, so much so that I turned down an invitation to go out for dinner from a friend. Instead I sat alone and thought. I thought and then I over thought. My mood went from bad to worse and then I did the ultimate wrong, I ordered food. I ate some bad food and I ate a lot of it. While I did I felt good for that 15-20 minutes but shortly afterwards I regretted it. Maybe if I hadn’t been alone I wouldn’t have committed such an act. I probably should have accepted my friend’s invitation.

Feeling guilty about it I went out this evening and I walked some more. I walked all over the parkways and quiet streets with music pumping in my ears and my legs full of energy. I walked around for an hour straight and when I returned home I still felt guilty but this was a change in me. If I had ate really badly before I would have just sat there and hated myself for the duration of the day and maybe the next one too. Tonight all I wanted to do was get outside and walk for a long time. I don’t know if I burned off all the excess calories I took in but it was certainly better than sitting around being mad at myself.

Tomorrow is a new day and I will start again to eat responsibly but today was a reminder of my weakness and what can happen to me when I get really sad. I know I’ll be okay again in a few days but I’d feel better a lot faster if I wasn’t alone.