The Coolest Guy I Know (5-30-12)

Growing up, saying that my family life was weird would be an understatement. I was an interracial kid at a time when a lot fewer of them were running around. I was often confused when it came to social choices. Was I supposed to hang out with the white kids? The Puerto Rican kids? Some of the white kids didn’t want to hang out with me because I was Puerto Rican and some of the Hispanic kids didn’t like me because I was part white and didn’t speak Spanish. So growing up I had friends of every kind, often the misfits and unusual ones but they were white, black, Hispanic, Native American, you name it.

One side of my family was German-Polish and the other, Puerto Rican, so one weekend I would be eating pierogis in the suburbs and the next I’d be eating rice and gandules somewhere in the city. It was confusing as I struggled to find out who and what I was but looking back on it, I wouldn’t change a thing. It was amazing to have so much diversity in my childhood, to be introduced to so many things and no one introduced me to more than my brother Bryan.

My father had a previous marriage before meeting my mother and from it came 6 kids. There were 4 brothers and 2 sisters and I would always get excited when any of them came over to visit, but with Bryan it was always a little extra. Our dad was a month shy of his 50^th birthday when I was born so there wasn’t just one generation between us. There were miles. I often found myself perplexed trying to understand his dated logic on things, his perspective. He was so behind the times and wasn’t interested in catching up. He probably felt like I didn’t understand him and I certainly felt like he didn’t understand me. He was stubborn and so was I so pair that with the lack of understanding and you can imagine the lines of communication between us weren’t always clear.

When I was young I didn’t want to be like my dad. I loved him dearly but he was old fashioned and cheap. He didn’t understand the value of things at that time. He had closed and locked his doors while I had just opened mine. He always told me to be proud, aggressive and to take no crap from anyone. He gave advice that conflicted with my growing beliefs. He often reminded me that if I threw the first punch in a fight, it could very well be the last punch too. I didn’t want to punch anybody. He had a fiery temper (which I did inherit) and he could be very cold sometimes, often showing little to no emotion. I loved him but that wasn’t how I wanted to be. I still think to this day it’s a big reason why I am very warm and emotional. I didn’t want to be like him. I wanted to be like Bryan.  

Bryan seemed larger than life to me. He was so damn cool. He was handsome and he had many interests. He’d always been doing some cool thing and would soon be off to do another cool thing. He was a superhero to me… a cool superhero, a cool-perhero! I’d meet so many people; our father included who had a very narrow scope of pursuits and interests but Bryan taught me it was okay to like as much as my heart desired and like him, my heart desired plenty.

After I begged my parents to buy me Michael Jackson’s Thriller album at Hills sometime in 1983, despite my father’s objections to buying me a record with a “fruitcake” laying alongside a tiger on the cover, Bryan gave me cassette copies of Van Halen’s 1984 and Prince's Purple Rain. To say they had a profound impact on me would be an understatement. I ate them up and those 2 records helped to shape my musical tastes for years and still do to this day. The styles of those 2 records were so different but they had much in common with how iconic and amazing they were! Who knew? Most people liked one or the other; I didn’t understand why they couldn’t like both. My brother Bryan did and he was the coolest guy I knew. I wanted to be cool like that too.

A short time later Bryan and another brother, Lawrence took me to my first concert: AC/DC at Memorial Auditorium on December 1^st, 1983. We had floor seats and the stage wasn’t very far from us. By halfway through the show I found myself mouthing the words of these newly discovered choruses and I was fascinated by the funny smelling and strangely shaped “cigarettes” being passed around the floor. When it came over towards me, someone asked if I was wanted to try it. I was too afraid… probably for the best being that I was NINE but it was my first taste of a real Rock n Roll show and I loved it. I might have gone to a few more since. During the next year Bryan also took me to my first ever movie; Ghostbusters. Our father would never go or take me anywhere so my experiences to that point in my life were confined to whatever I could find in our poor lower west side neighborhood. I couldn’t believe how cool it was to see a movie in a movie theater. I still freak out whenever that film comes on television. You never forget your first.

Bryan was involved in many of my firsts… my first Bills game, Sabres game, my first pro wrestling show, my first rock record, first rock show, my first trip to a mall and my first visit to Bills training camp in 1985. I wore the t-shirt he got me there that day until it literally fell apart. He took me places I had never been and opened up brand new worlds to me. It was magical and cathartic. Whenever my mom would tell me he was coming by I would get so excited. I’d be bouncing all over the place and when he walked through the door I’d always try to regain my composure and play it cool, like him. We always talked about music and sports, 2 things that were and are always near and dear to our hearts. i don't know, perhaps those things matter so much to me because they mattered to him. I related to him more than any other person in my family and he’s always been my favorite relative. He inspired me and taught me so much. He always had great advice for me, especially in those times where I was impatient and too excitable. Our dad could have given me the exact same advice and like most kids I would have probably thought, pfft what does he know but if Bryan said the same thing, I’d think well if Bryan said it, it must be right. He was always there when I needed that advice, gear for football, things for school or even money for a class ring. He was always making me laugh and always leaving me feeling lucky I had him in my life. He's with me with every step I take, his influence, his passion, his love.

I’ll always be grateful for everything he has given to me and I’ll always felt indebted to him for it. So right now I want to say thank you Bryan. Thank you for being a great brother and thank you for always being the coolest guy I know.