Another Valentine’s Day is here and once again I have nowhere or no one to unleash my affections upon. I say unleash because I have the capacity to give and share deeply and passionately. This is true of me in daily life and in naked life. There’s nothing more I would want today than to give someone a thoughtful, heartfelt Valentine’s gift to show them how much I feel for them followed by some passionate Valentine’s day loving to also show them how much I feel for them.
Once upon a time I thought I was a sex addict. Not because I was going at it with many partners (I can still count the number of partners I’ve ever had on one hand) but because of the incredible urges. I wondered if it was natural to be put into the mood so easily and often. I used to think something was wrong with me but over time and through some research I gathered that I wasn’t some sex fiend, I just had a high sex drive. How does one have a large sexual appetite and so few partners? I guess it’s due to me being very selective and quite willing to “self love”. It’s certainly not the same but my testicles aren’t blue either.
I can remember the last time I engaged in real sex despite it being several years. I remember little moments about it… things I said, things she said and did. It was wonderful but you never know how great it truly is until it’s gone. At that moment, two people who cared about each other, stripped bare, vulnerable and trusting, sharing the most intimate of acts. There’s something so powerful and magical about such moments. Even back then when it was happening regularly for me I used to spend a lot of time engaged in foreplay because I valued those moments. It’s primal and it makes me tremble down to my soul. I miss that level of intimacy so much.
So why not go out and have sex? If only it were that easy. I’d had a few chances in the past 5 years to do just that but it was never right. As hungry as I was, my sexual needs can’t get past my mind. I’m not one of those guys who is overcome by their desires to the point that they’ll push aside reason and logic and believe me I know this from experience. I’ve tried to “hook up” with someone on more than 1 occasion only to find out that I can’t do it. I didn’t even get to the naked part. No emotion, no desire, no passion, nothing trumps my mind except for one important thing; my heart. If my heart wants something enough my mind will cooperate. That is my criteria. I can’t circumvent it. My mind knows all and my heart can’t be fooled by simple lust. I have to really care about the person to want to have sex with them.
Only once in my entire life have I had a serious girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. I always look back upon that day at times like this. It makes me smile. I think about the other times I’ve been intimate with someone. Those flashbacks flood my mind on a day like this where the lonelies want to invade my mood and send me to Mopesville. I think about curves and skin. I think about sultry eyes and soft lips. I think about taste and touch. I think about hearts in unison and the most precious of moments shared with someone I want to do everything for. Then I snap back into reality and smirk.
Tonight, instead of my honey I’ll be putting my hands, mouth and tongue all over some candy and other treats. While it will still be sweet, much like self love it’s not the same. It’s been too long and absence makes the heart grow fonder. It makes me wonder with my standards and discipline if I will ever have sex again. Damn, I miss it.
No comments:
Post a Comment