IT'S AMAZING what the weather can do for your mood. These past few days I have felt so alive and I’ve had a ton of energy. Since it’s only February we knew the warmth would only be temporary, and as I type this the temperature is normalizing which is just another way to say it’s getting colder. Even though this warming trend was short lived it wet my appetite for spring. I felt like things balanced out a little this week. It also illustrates how I am affected by external sources.
Before the warm-up I couldn’t help but feel stagnant and beaten down by the coldest winter I can remember however these past few days have helped to break the spell. You see I get caught in routines and habits, good and bad and at some point in January the winter broke me. Once that happened my energy was zapped and I resolved to be a sad hermit until March or whenever the temperatures rebounded. I started backing out of potential plans and ideas. My creative energy was running low. I started to fall into the funk known as the winter blues. I began to feel isolated and lonely. My naturally cheery and somewhat naïve demeanor was replaced by cynical and moody. Sometimes you don’t realize the metamorphosis has occurred until you get a great day and it hits you. For me the great day was a few Saturdays ago when my friend helped me out big time in regards to my sprained ankle and the resulting complications due to it (For those of you who missed that story check out my blog “hobble hobble” dated 2/10).
When it finally came I thought, wow I haven’t had a great day in a long time. In fact, I haven’t had even a good day in a long time. Then it hits you. You realize where you’ve been, what kept you down and where you want to go. I thought, damn this weather had really been getting to me. I didn’t realize how much of a funk I’d been in. Like a whirlwind the great day hits, recognition occurs and I really wanted to try to keep the positive vibes going but my slow recovering ankle and the continued dreadful weather combined to tag team me into tapping out again. It’s hard to win a 2 on 1 battle. Again I felt low and somewhat lifeless. That was until earlier this week.
When the temperatures rose and I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and icicles falling to their demise I had a great feeling inside. I went through my morning routine of breakfast, green tea, Sportscenter, bathroom and gone just a little quicker that day. I couldn’t wait to get outside and see what all the fuss was about. Why were the birds making all that lovely racket? Why were the icicles, which for weeks were ominously growing and dangling all over the edges of the house, suddenly meeting their end?
I rushed outside or as fast as my tender ankle would allow me, and within a few seconds everything became clear. The first gust of wind hit me and it didn’t make me cringe. I didn’t turn my face away from it. In fact I turned my face towards it. It was rather pleasurable… a nice cool gust instead of a biting frigid one. Oh yes.
That started several days of feeling good. My energy rose and all of a sudden I wanted to do many things. Ideas and inspiration came a-knockin and I wanted to read, write and create. I’m in awe over how external forces can motivate me more than internal ones. It’s like I get stuck in my own head, in my own mind and then the universe conspires to give me a little push. I’m grateful for it every time it does.
So here I am this afternoon and I wonder if there’s no turning back this time or if I’m just one snowstorm and deep chill away from heading back to that funky place. I cross off each day on my calendar and now we are getting so close to March that I’m starting to make optimistic plans for that month. There’s daylight savings right around the corner, the first day of spring… I can feel the good times ahead… is it enough? I look outside right now and see a fresh coat of snow on the ground. This morning I walked into work happy that every little step I took was easy and free, no worrying about ice or slipping and hurting myself. I felt like Bobby Brown or maybe James Brown. I felt good. But now I begin to worry about the walk home in a few hours. Will all the good vibrations be stifled by this new blanket of snow? I think I’m just a little antsy because the last few months have been filled with more bad than good and I really dislike imbalance.
I guess you can’t have the good without the bad, the warm without the cold. I get so giddy during the good times and so down during the rough ones. That’s the beauty and the curse of being so sensitive and emotional. Step back, breathe and focus. There will be a few more valleys before the peaks arrive. Such is life; I have to remind myself that everything balances out in the end. The warm days are coming and the great winter funk of 2011 is reaching its end.
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