I don’t remember much from my dreams. Sometimes I go for
weeks without remembering a single one. The only time I tend to really retain
anything from them is when my sleep is choppy or if I oversleep and with my
apartment building being an annoying and noisy place lately, going to sleep
has been tough and getting 7-8 uninterrupted hours of sleep has been virtually
impossible. The result is I’ve been getting to sleep late, oversleeping, shutting off my alarm and
then waking up 1-2 hours later. It’s frustrating but if there was one silver
lining, yes I always try to find one, it’s that I’ve been remembering my dreams
during these oversleep and intermittent sleep sessions and now I have some questions.
First understand, my dreams aren’t too far out and it's
probably a direct result of who I am. There’s far more substance in my dreams,
more conversations than flash. There are no plaid unicorns, flying cars or far-away worlds. My
dreams are like independent films, sometimes even sit-coms, but generally they just
seem like an extension of real life. They feature people I know, people I want
to know and sometimes people I don’t want to know but have seen somewhere. They are probably pretty
boring to anyone other than myself. Actually my daydreams are far more abstract, vivid and exciting but of course I have a little more conscious control over those.
In last night’s dream I was talking with a local
performer who I’d never really had a conversation with but admired from afar. We met
at an Allentown bar, hit it off immediately (gotta love dreams) and we had a
lot in common. We talked politics, music, film, pop culture, philosophy… a wide
range of topics. We talked for hours but it seemed like 20 minutes which is
always a good sign. We became very flirty and playful. I noticed that something I said made
her ever so gently lick her lips. There was a look in her eye and it was
unmistakable. I can only imagine the vibe I was giving off. Sparks were in the
air. I went in and we kissed, passionately, for a significant period of time like
two long lost lovers who were recently reunited after an eternity apart. It was powerful. When
we finally loosened our lips we both agreed that we wanted to continue our
conversation elsewhere, somewhere more private.
We went back to my place and she started going through my
things, my book, movie and poetry collections, all while being so devilishly
sexy. Just when I thought I couldn’t be into her any more, she’d say insightful things
about a film in my collection that raised the ceiling. She was amazing! Eventually
we sat together on the bed and proceeded to make out again except this time, our hands began exploring. If the windows in my cozy place weren’t fogged up, I would have been surprised. In a very sultry manner she began to
remove her shirt and before I knew it… we were both lying next to each other, a
little sweaty, both pleased at what transpired. It was getting very late but we couldn’t even think about tomorrow because we were too busy living in that moment, in that room, in that bed. The passion was
still palpable despite the fact that the explosions were over and the tide had
settled down. It was like we had finished in one sense but at the same time, we were just
beginning. As if a sudden itch struck me, I had the strangest feeling that something was missing…
This is what happens in every one of my “sex dreams”.
There’s a pretty big lack of sex in them. I’ve never remembered a single dream where
I’ve ever engaged in sex or experienced an orgasm. I find it hard to remember a
dream where there was even any nudity. Even this last one, when we cut from
making out to lying on the bed beside each other, the perspective was from the neck
up but there was a first. For the first time in the dream itself, I wondered why I couldn't remember having sex. Maybe that's why I thought the same thing when I woke up. Is this normal? Sex without the sex? I’m wondering why this is. I dream about interactions with females
constantly, or at least constantly in the dreams I can recall. We talk and talk
and talk and if things progress to a romantic level the dream basically fades
to black at the onset of skintimacy and then comes back from the commercial break
edit with the aftermath. And when it comes to the aftermath, cue the intimate
conversation. This begs the question; is my dream sex-life a made for TV movie? Why the lack of sex? I’m
not religious. Do I think about sex enough during my waking hours that I filled my quota? Does this occur because I value the emotional or intellectual connection
more than the physical one? I have a very high sex drive but an even higher
standard of emotional connection. Does this play a role?
I’ve never thought about it until this morning. I woke up
feeling like I spent the most incredible evening with this woman but I don’t
remember a “lick” of it. When it dawned on me that I couldn’t remember the sex
parts it strangely made sense... I NEVER remember the sex parts, the naked
time, the sweaty Eddie and sexy lady time. Why is this? Is it me? I guess it
has to be, right? But I want to know, does this happen to other people too or am I some subconsciously
repressed weirdo? I’m looking at this now more from curiosity than fulfilling
my lusty desires. Besides, it’s not like I’m actually getting sex out of this
either way. But why does it seem like my conscious mind has a greater imagination
than my subconscious one? Perhaps the really crazy, the really creative dreams
are those ones I can never remember. So I pose this question to those of you who have
a similar thing going on or those of you who have a better understanding of
dreams than I do… why are my sex dreams PG-13?
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