For my friend Colby (3-15-13)

I lost a friend today. Not an old friend, a school friend, work friend or sports friend… a furry friend. It wasn’t a huge surprise because the poor little guy had been in a very long fight and finally, it was time. I guess that makes it easier to accept but not easier to handle, especially in the short term. On my walk into work today I think I cried for about 30 of the 40 minutes of it. I walked down less busy streets with my hood up and my head down as I thought about the loss of my little friend.

The friend I lost today was Colby. If you looked through my photos on facebook you’ve might have seen him a few times. He was my roommate Jamie’s cat. He was a diabetic and had been for a little over 3 of his 11 years. From what I understand he outlived his expectations but after knowing him for over 6 months now I’m not surprised. Colby was a tough cat. Do you know the term “man’s man”? Well Colby was a cat’s cat. Of the 3 cats I’ve lived with, he was the toughest and I say this with only the experience of knowing him for the last 200 days of his life. He provided me with so many laughs, memories and stories in the time I knew him.

When I moved into the new place at the end of August I bonded with Bailey immediately. Bailey is a 10 year old cat but if you spent a day with him you’d never believe it. He’s a kitten deep down and with me and my young heart we hit it off very well. I probably enjoy playing with him as much as he enjoys it. Also with Bailey being so affectionate and sweet anyone who knows me would have guessed we would have become BFFs. We’re the same in many ways. With Lana I’ve had a good relationship but Lana is more like a typical cat, albeit a nervous, skittish one. She sleeps more and isn’t nearly as needy and playful. There are some days where I am busier and my interaction with her is brief. Bailey doesn’t allow me to not spend time with him, even on a day where I’m barely home. I joked with Jamie the other night that I wanted to come home and eat right after work before going out to a few engagements I had that night but that I thought to leave work a little earlier to allow an extra 20 minutes of “Bailey time”.

With Colby the relationship has progressed over the 6+ months. At first I kept a respectful distance from him. He could be a little temperamental, mostly due to the diabetes and the effect it had on him, so early on he usually wasn’t friendly with me. I didn’t blame him. He also didn’t know me. The first week I lived there he bit me because I either pet him at a bad time or maybe he hadn’t decided if I could pet him so familiarly yet. He was a loyal cat and was kind of like a big brother figure to the others. He’d go over and smack Bailey if he was being too rambunctious (which was often) and he’d let Lana know the deal when she lashed out at him due her skittishness or paranoia which was often unfounded. When Bailey tried to play rough with Lana, he'd put an end to it. He would be aggressive with the others when needed but he would watch out for them too. Due to the illness he had good days and bad days and on the bad days it was usually best to give him some space and quiet. He also had the biggest appetite of any cat I’ve ever seen. It might have had something to do with his illness but I heard he had a pretty hearty appetite prior to that as well… perhaps that appetite is what got him in trouble in the first place. You could almost never cook anything or have a meal in the house without his familiar meowing and mooching for a portion. Sometimes, if you weren’t careful he’d steal a chicken wing, a bone, a piece of meat, etc. right off your plate. One night I heard Jamie yell out “Hey! You asshole!” from another room only to find out Colby snatched a piece of steak or some tasty treat right from her plate as she tried to eat dinner. It made me laugh so much. He was bold and he was always hungry. This meant I stayed locked in my room, far away from him whenever I ate.  

By the end of my 2^nd month living with the cats my body had adjusted to them. I no longer got sniffly in their presence and their fur, saliva or whatever it is that makes people sensitive or allergic to them no longer had any effect on me. It was as I'd hoped. I had grown up with several cats and dogs but I hadn’t had any pets for 13-14 years so whenever I would go to a place with them I would get a runny rose and itchy eyes. I wasn’t used to them anymore. When I first moved in to this place I had both the runny nose and itchy eyes sometimes but since I didn’t allow the cats in my room, we had hardwood floors throughout the house (instead of carpeting) and I would sweep up the living room from time to time I think it helped to ease my transition. So by the end of my 2^nd month I decided to lift the cat ban on my room. My door was now open to them. Bailey obviously loved this as he was the one trying to force his way in most often but the other 2 cats began to stop by and found comfortable spots. I also loosened up in other ways, like whenever I had chicken, turkey or something Jamie approved of for Colby, I started to give him a few pieces instead of ignoring his pleas.

Now after 2 months I was letting the cats come and go as they pleased, even through my room plus I giving them, well Colby, some samples of the foods he cried so hard for. I was getting used to them and vice versa. With Colby it seemed like the more I opened myself up to him, the more he did to me. We became friends. I’d talk with him and tell him whenever I was going to have chicken or turkey next, you know, give him the scoop… as if he wouldn’t have come out from anywhere in the house the second he smelled the food anyway. Many mornings he’d come by my room while I was at my desk drinking my green tea or catching up on emails before work and he’d tap me on the leg with one of his paws to get my attention. That was his way of telling me he wanted to be pet. I’d pet him for a few minutes and he’d be all set. He was never as needy as Lana can be sometimes and Bailey is all the time. It really seemed like the longer I lived with him the better friends we became. I began to understand him. Unfortunately our time ran out today.  

This past month the long term effects of his diabetes were really obvious. He had lost half his body weight from 16 to 8 pounds, his hind legs were getting really shaky and his “bad days” were becoming really bad days. He was having trouble going to the bathroom, trouble climbing up on things he used to always hop up to easily and he just looked so frail and sick. The little guy just kept fighting though because he was that tough. He’d have an awful day and then rebound a little for a few days or a week before having another bad one. He’s really looked like he’s been at the end for several weeks now and those rebound days were nice but even on days where he seemed better it was only relative to how bad he had been the day before. Despite the glimpses he wasn’t the same cat he was a few months ago, let alone the cat he must have been in the years before I knew him.

Last night I made some chicken and he went bananas. He meowed in his distinctive style and even stood up on his hind legs against the counter. We hadn't seen that from him lately. I remarked to Jamie that it was “vintage Colby”. After getting the green light I gave him a small piece of chicken after it sufficiently cooled and he gobbled it right up and within a second was asking for more. This happened 3 more times, I’d give him a very small piece and he’d gobble it up and request another serving. I finally gave him a chunk instead of a sliver and he gobbled that right up but then surprisingly walked away. I thought that was odd. Usually I’m the one who walks away leaving behind an apology for the insatiable cat.  

Within a half hour of eating the chicken Colby threw up at least 3 separate times and that sparkle in his eye that was there when he was begging for food in the kitchen was completely gone and replaced by a distant look. It was like he tried one last time to be himself but as much as he wanted it; his body was just too far gone. He also tried with no success to go to the bathroom at least 15 times, a continuation of a problem he’s had this week. He tried to hop on top of the dining room table (one of his favorite hang out spots) but couldn’t make the jump nor land on his feet when he didn’t. It had gotten to the point where you have to ask yourself, how much is enough? Do you keep him around for a few more weeks, days or however long he has left just because? Last night he also did something that Jamie had never before seen, he actually asked to go inside his cat carrier. All 3 of these guys would traditionally run for the hills when their carriers were taken out. She interpreted this as Colby telling her it’s time. It was one of the saddest things I ever saw. As proud as he is, I went to sleep last night thinking about how hard life must be for him of late where it seems his body keeps letting him down, one thing after the next while there was absolutely no way he would get better. And now it was like he finally knew too.

When I woke up this morning I knew this was going to be the last day I’d see Colby and I thought of my favorite memory of him. Back in the fall during football season I’d have some friends over to watch Bills games. It was usually a painful experience but we often made the most of it. We brought food and treats and sometimes a few beers and we’d cheer, yell and undoubtedly laugh. The noise and commotion kept Bailey and Lana away from wanting to join us but Colby would often stroll right into our get-together like he owned the place, which of course was always how he walked into a room, lol. He’d mooch for food but this one time he did something that had me laughing so hard my jaw hurt.

He hopped up on the coffee table in front of where Andrew was sitting. This might not have been a problem except Andrew was slouched back on the couch and Colby was standing as tall as he could thus obscuring Andrew’s view of the television and the game. Andrew then said; “Hey cat, you’re in my way!” to which Colby prompted smacked Andrew’s pack of cigarettes right off the coffee table and onto the floor. My other guest and I were rolling. It was like he was saying "Hey buddy, don't forget this is MY place." It was vintage Colby.

When I left the house for work today I went over and pet his little head. I wanted to say something to him but I was within nanoseconds of completely losing it so I couldn’t speak. That’s why there were waterworks pretty much the whole walk to work and most of the time typing this. I feel very sad… sad on a selfish level for losing a relatively new friend that I really liked… sad for my roommate and friend who has lost a member of her family but I'm also happy… happy that Colby doesn’t have to suffer anymore. He had nothing left to prove… he was as tough as they come. A cat’s cat. Ironically, today is Colby’s 11^th and last birthday. I don’t know what else to say except happy birthday, thank you and rest well my little friend. I will miss you.

These pictures are from his last night with us.