Damn, you got ass! (8-16-12)

I know no man is an island but tonight in a sea of jam packed music fans numbering well into the thousands, I felt like one. You see, I just returned from the Thursday at the Harbor concert. I didn’t make it to the end. I went in with the best of intentions but like many other times my emotions got the better of me and I bailed out.

I was excited at the idea of seeing Salt n Pepa tonight. I had been planning on it all week. In my mind I probably had an image of how I wanted the evening to go. I was going to be smiling and having a great time with a group of friends reliving the soundtrack to part of my youth. That’s not the image that developed though. Unfortunately, tonight I spent nearly 90 uncomfortable minutes in the tightest possible space in the middle of thousands of people and I was alone. There were some good moments and some funny ones but the end result was anytime something great happened, there was no one to share it with. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again and again… happiness is best when shared.

When I approached the harbor I saw a crowd the likes of which I had never seen there. It was massive! Usually when you come over the little walking bridge and enter the concert area there are plenty of open pockets where you can seek refuge if you want a little air or just need to get away from the constant bumping and other contact. I generally like a foot of space between me and all other people at shows. This is why I almost never go all the way up to the front. When you are up there, there’s no way to avoid it. I know this and that’s why I’m usually in the back somewhere. With my height and my sharp vision I can see what’s going on from a long way and usually have the buffer zone I seek which helps me to be comfortable in a large crowd, which is one of the places where I often feel the least comfortable. It’s no secret I love intimacy. I like one on ones, small groups or at least where people can have some space of their own. There was none of that here tonight as the harbor was crammed with at least 15,000 people! When I was able to move a foot away from the people closest to me my relief was short lived as the traffic flow would see that one foot of space and before I knew it, 80 people were in line to cut right past me and my newly found space. So did I want to be a turnstile or did I want to keep breathing on people’s heads?

I was a long way from the stage, off to the side both to try to find that elusive comfort zone and also so I could keep an eye on who was coming in or walking around. I was hoping to find someone I knew. A conversation would help take my mind off the burden. I looked all the way back to the water for a pocket to chill in. There wasn’t one. When the first artist ended I was getting really antsy waiting for the 2^nd one. Speaking of 2^nd, the 2^nd hand smoke was absolutely brutal. In some cases it was so bad and so close I felt like I was almost taking drags right off people’s cigarettes. There was a ton of people smoking there. I would shift 4 or 5 steps to my left or right and I’d walk right into another person’s exhaust pipe. I really hate that smell.

This isn’t going to be all whining and gloom. It wasn’t all bad. The DJ who came on 2^nd, DJ Cutler is 2^nd to none and is definitely one of my favorite DJs. He played a lot of hip hop classics, many from the same time period as Salt n Pepa’s heyday. Occasionally I would get lost in a verse and forget my plight. Then some local breakdancers came out and got busy. It was 2 b-girls and one b-boy, all of whom I’ve seen many times and one who I like very much. The only person I know, who I knew would be there was my friend Stacy. However I also knew, she was going to be dancing on stage and wasn’t really an option to hang out with way back in the crowd where I was. That was unfortunate but I do admit when she was up there dancing and DJ Cutler was dropping it that was probably when I had the best time of my visit tonight. When that b-girl is doing her thing, I can’t be anything but happy. So I was for a little while. Unfortunately she couldn’t dance for the whole next hour until Salt n Pepa were ready to go! Regardless, I was so happy for her. I know how hard she works at her craft, so that must have been an awesome moment for her.

A funny moment was right after the breakdancers were finished and a couple of middle aged ladies were trying to squeeze through and pass behind me even though the girls packed in right behind me were literally right behind me. I could feel their arms touching the back of mine or even my back every so often. There wasn’t really any room back there but these ladies decided to try to pass through and the one lady ran right smack into my butt not once but twice. Upon first contact I sucked in my butt a bit but then 2 seconds later she slammed right into it again. Before I could attempt to shift a second time she yells out “damn you got ass!” as I lowered my head in a prolonged giggle. An older guy on the side was laughing too. I don’t talk about my bubble butt much. I tend to leave it where it rests… behind me but that lady made me laugh. I couldn’t be hurt or offended because of how big she was herself and the size of the opening, if you could call it that, she was trying to pass through.

Also, it always warms my heart when you can get thousands of people of all types together to have a good, positive time. The arts can do that. Different ages, cultures, backgrounds and the like all gathered in their love for art, in this case one of the quintessential hip hop acts from the golden age of the genre. I did enjoy the whole cosmic universal togetherness part of it despite my discomfort with air, space and loneliness.  

So while there were some good moments, it just wasn’t enough. When DJ Cutler announced he had a few more songs to spin and that Salt n Pepa would be on at 8:30 (it was 7:35ish) I thought there’s no way I can make through almost another hour with little to no entertainment as uncomfortable as I was. When there was music and dancing I could get lost in the beat, or lost in the dancer’s feet. Those things could take my discomfort away temporarily and prolong my stay. Without them, my mind had nowhere to go but where it was and the smoke kept coming and the people kept bumping and there was no one I knew in sight.

It was then I really started surveying the crowd in every direction looking for anyone I knew. I would have taken a co-worker, my mailman, a MySpace friend, even a person I saw at the store yesterday. There was nothing but strange faces. I was getting close to tapping out. I spent about 15 more minutes in that nearly desperate state. From almost the time I arrived I waited for someone to save me but after about 90 minutes total of overcrowded solitude I felt the need to save myself. I felt so uncomfortable and I was feeling sadder by the minute. I really can’t stand to feel that way, especially when the sadness joins the loneliness, so I started to make my way for the walking bridge and out of the concert. Once out I walked all the way home from the Harbor and while I did I pondered why I have this need to share the good times so damn much. I walked briskly trying to angrily convince myself I don’t need anyone when it’s completely obvious I do. I see right through my pride but I admit it’s easy to see inside. I wondered why I get so emotional… then I wondered why was I thinking of Whitney Houston when I should have been watching Salt n Pepa? J

After 70 minutes of walking I finally arrived home. Despite the fact I left prematurely and felt like I left something unfinished, I did start to feel a little better by relieving the pressure. I unlock my door and start to walk in. These days I have to walk in carefully because I have moving boxes all around. Despite that knowledge, I accidently brushed my backside against the top box in a stack and it tumbled to the floor. I smile and think to myself “Damn you got ass” as I gently close the door.