The Good:
The weather! It’s been so nice of late and I constantly want to be outside. Whether it’s going for a bike ride, a long walk or sitting somewhere and absorbing life, I want to do it all! Being inside for too long is making me edgy these days… just ask my co-workers, ha! I love it so much I almost want to throw the tent out into the backyard and sleep outside! Perhaps a camping trip is coming soon.
It seems there are at least 2 cool outdoor concerts each week, plus there’s baseball games, an evolving waterfront (they just opened a food shack “Clinton’s Dish” down there!), outdoor festivals every weekend and so much more going on. If you have air conditioning I understand why you might want to stay inside for periods of time but I will say this to you, THIS is what we suffer all winter for. These few warm, active months are to be enjoyed!
If you are one of those people who want to get out more but don’t know where the party is, never fear! In the very near future I am going to be releasing Crazy Eddie’s Event Calendar spotlighting some of the best things to do around Buffalo. All I will be doing is just compiling a list of great events and things to do and sharing it with you. I do this for myself all the time anyway and lately I’ve started sharing that list with a few of my friends and it’s occurred to me, why not share it with everyone, you know since I’m putting in the time anyway. Hopefully I can help you and yours find some fun things to do this summer that you might not have known about otherwise. I’m not sure if I am just going to post it as a blog/note or if I will make a weekly video spotlighting some of the best things to do that week. Perhaps I will do both. Stay tuned to see the first installment this week!
For those of you who missed out on my Best of 2011, Volume One CD from last month, don’t fear! You are obviously not as cool as those who got a copy 4 weeks ago but I still have several left so that you can salvage your reputation before it’s too late! Obviously I’m kidding (am I?) but I do have a handful more to give away and since I carry my backpack with me almost everywhere I go and/or I wear lots of cargo shorts with CD sized pockets, if you see me out and about there’s a good chance I’ll have a few on me! I may make an additional run of 10-15 more to give out at my poetry show in a few weeks but I’ll have more on that later in this blog.
The Bad:
I used to think I did things because I had a hunger for life, experiences and adventures no matter how small or insignificant they seemed. It’s always taken very little to make me happy, to keep me entertained. While to an extent that is still very true nowadays I feel like my activities are distractions. I feel like I’m doing things so I’ll forget how lonely I am. It certainly works because this has been a great week right up until yesterday where not coincidently I spent the evening at home doing very little. When I am out doing things I’m not thinking about the things I wish I was doing, so to speak. I used to be against such thinking, when friends would tell me they keep busy so they don’t think about all the crap in their lives, I used to scoff at that and think to myself that if you have stuff bothering you why not figure it out. But sometimes there are no easy answers and I guess now I can relate, except there isn’t a lot of crap in my life. A lot of things are good but it seems I spend a lot of my idle time thinking about the few things that aren’t right. What’s up with that?!?
I feel so isolated when I’m alone and I keep wondering if I will always feel this way. I really wish I had someone that I could share a connection with. I wish I had a companion, a partner, a woman who would indulge me and my crazy ideas and whom I could indulge. The most recent female I had a thing for, it turns out she is involved with someone and has a young child… although I never saw her out with the child or the guy, always alone. Oh well, guess I’ll find a new crush. It can take me anywhere from a few minutes to a few years to find one. I genuinely like so few women that I can’t predict how long it will take to be smitten again. Smitten is pretty nice though. Still I hope one day to have what many of you have… closeness, intimacy, a connection and someone who really cares about what you need, what you want, how you feel or what you are thinking.
I’m starting a new exercise routine this weekend with an eye towards what I eat and it feels like it’s the 50th time I’ve done such a thing. It feels that way because it probably is! I’ll keep trying I guess until I get it right. I know what you are thinking; why is this under the “bad” category? I’ve included it here because I’ve done some bad things in recent months to get me to this place. The fact that I have to saddle up and give it another go with a new exercise and diet deal means I’ve made some bad choices. I’m usually a glass half full kind of guy but until I start doing good things and making good choices I’m a bad boy. For me the test is consistent moderation in servings and staying active. It’s really that simple on paper. In reality, and this is a line from one of my poems, I have to learn to separate the hunger from the cravings.
Besides that, there’s always a setback. Every time I begin a new journey towards better health and getting into better shape I run into bumps in the road. That could mean a minor injury that bumps me off track or a moment of weakness and a bad eating night that bumps me of course and snowballs into a full regression. It’s at these times where my loneliness really hurts. Moments where I lose my balance and need someone to lean on to help regain it is the absolute worst. When I fail myself and there’s no one to lean on I then fall down and find myself feeling pretty low, lying on the ground for a while. There’s a lot of metaphor in this but it’s true. Yes I know I have a lot of friends who are more than willing to help me out but it’s not the same. It’s not the same as having that one person to confide everything in and who’s always there. My friends have their own lives and I won’t trouble them with all my silly problems and struggles. I dunno, I guess I’m weird that way. I offer myself to any and all my friends in their times of need but feel strange asking the same of them. I’m trying to get to a point where I don’t need to lean on anyone but myself but who knows if I’ll ever get there. I do know I always have a hard time asking for help… too much pride and too much of my father in me (He was quite stubborn and prideful).
Hopefully I’ll turn these bad situations into good ones but until I do something about it, for now it’s only words. Speaking of words…
The Poetry:
Still no word yet on when and where I will perform at the 2011 Buffalo Infringement Festival. All I can say is me and my Spoken word/poetry show “Young Hearts and Old Minds” will be on sometime from July 28th to August 7th, somewhere in the city. I should find out any day now. Of course when I do there will be hoopla on my end… lots of hoopla. I am going to make the obligatory facebook event page for it, plus there will be flyers and then I’ll start talking to people as far as helping out in various ways, recording it on video, etc. So keep those 11 days FREE, hahahahaha!
In the meantime I’ve been writing more and more poetry. The 2 pieces I’ve finished this week (“Let Go” and “Hope, parts 1 & 2) are most likely going to be part of my show and I’m working on several more. I wouldn’t say I’ve been writing 1 a day but they are coming out fast and furious lately. Hopefully some of them are good! Between now and then I’m going to read at a few open mics. One I’m looking at is “Spit at Spot” at Spot Coffee downtown on Thursday evenings, plus maybe some others at the Screening Room, EM Tea Coffeecup Café and so on. I have been rehearsing nearly every day and that will intensify as we get closer. I really want to deliver these pieces to you flawlessly with the accents on the right words, at the right pace, with the clearest voice and with the raw emotion they were written with. Somehow I think I’ll be okay. I can’t wait!
I’ve said enough to know I’ve said too much.
:)
E
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