"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow,
we aren't really living."
-Gail Sheehy
If you look closely you can start to find changes all
around. Leaves are starting to fall to the earth. Nights are becoming bearable
for sleep. There’s a subtly changing vibe in the air. There are different
colors, new events on the horizon, current events wrapping up. Shakespeare in
the Park is in its last week. The Tuesday night Bidwell park concert series
just concluded and Thursday at the Harbor only has 2 shows left. The Buffalo
Bisons’ baseball season is nearly over. Football and hockey (hopefully) are
right around the corner. I was telling someone recently that every time fall
approaches I get excited because fall is my favorite season. Then when spring
arrives 6 months later, spring becomes my favorite season… at least until the
next fall. It goes on and on like that, always has been and while summer and
winter are pretty reliable and predictable in terms of what you are going to
get there’s always something exciting about fall and spring because of what you
are going to get… you’re going to get
changes and a lot of them.
The weather is the most obvious one and that alone has a cause
and effect relationship with plenty of other changes. Off the top of my head I
can think of quite a few that I make or notice during the fall: Clothes that
haven’t been worn in a long time return to the rotation. Scarves, slacks and
jeans in particular return to the daily party. The sunsets seem crisper. Butternut
squash is back in season! I love the vibrant earthy colors. I’ll start drinking
teas and wearing sleeves. There’s the anticipation and excitement of Halloween.
I also love the sound of crackling leaves under foot. I definitely begin to
pine a little more than usual for someone to snuggle with on those increasing
chilly nights and of course, I get an intense craving for all things pumpkiny!
Yes, I fall for fall... cheesy but true.
"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge
into it, move with it, and join the dance."
-Alan Watts
But all those changes notwithstanding this fall feels more
significant than many of my recent ones. The first thing and biggest thing is
that I’m moving into a new apartment for the first time in over 4 years. Moving
is always an annoying endeavor but at the same time it’s still kind of fun and I’m
feeling optimistic as this new place is bigger, complete with 2 porches (front
and back), full laundry and a new roommate. Now I haven’t had a roommate in 5+
years so that will be an adjustment but she isn’t a clingy person so I can be distant when I need to be and that probably won’t bother
her. I’ve also known her for several years and she seems to be very respectful
of space and things like that so this is looking like more of a fun thing than a
scary thing at this point.
“Change in all things is sweet.”
-Aristotle
In addition to new digs, I’ve been making new friends,
moving on from some others. Things keep moving. Perhaps it’s all part of this
momentum I’ve slowly been gaining over the last few years... the poetry, the ongoing
weight loss and the slow and steady happiness I’ve been accumulating over time.
Perhaps I need to keep making changes… sprinkling them in when I can so I can
keep growing and evolving. It seemed like for many years there I was stuck,
unsure and afraid of everything, completely raw, insecure and hating myself for
all the wrong reasons.
When did it change? I’m not 100% sure but I do remember I
started to meet quality new people with good energy and then something happened
inside of me, sparks were ignited and I got off my ass and started to make some
gradual changes. I overcame some fears, generated my own positive energy and
here I am walking on this exciting road. Am I moving in the right direction? Does
it matter? I have a long way to go but I’m moving and that seems right enough.
Besides, I can’t talk about right or wrong until I get to where I’m going but
I’ve found in this life that the travel is usually better than the destination
and it’s so much better to walk a thousand miles to an unknown but hopeful place
than to be waiting on some corner I know all too well for transit that will
probably never come while lamenting my lack of wings.
I’ve discovered while I’m
not always ready for them, changes can be good and when I can dictate them like
I’ve been doing most of the time lately, they can be very exciting indeed
despite any reservations I may have. I can’t help but feel nervous about
them. I think that’s true of most people. But me, I’m all about routines. I’m
all about easy living, comfort and simple pleasures and I think I sometimes
have to go along kicking and screaming a bit in the beginning when I shake
things up as I cautiously embrace these changes, because I find them how I
always found them, exciting but scary. Sometimes being scared is fun though,
it’s part of the reason why I’ve always loved horror movies and when you push
yourself to overcome your fears, you discover new worlds and learn more about
yourself much like the hero/heroine does when they defeat the monster or
villain. We hardly know of the strength within us until we are called upon to
use it. Change will do that. Change can test us. Changes can stress us out but in the end they make us stronger. Some changes are
certainly easier than others and deciding to make changes can lead to uncertain results but there
is one thing that is for certain in our daily lives no matter how much we
resist, change.
“If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change
it, change your attitude.”
-Maya Angelou
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