normal

A word I have struggled with most of my life is the word “normal”. Simple enough word I know, but so hard to define in the context of a life. What’s normal to you? Many times I felt like I was chasing normal. Other times I ran from it. Occasionally I aspired to be normal only for the simple reason of wanting to be left alone. Even if you keep to yourself and don’t bother anyone not being normal leads to recognition and this isn’t always good. People fear what they don’t understand, even if it’s something as insignificant in the grand scheme of things as a hair color, a t-shirt, or a desire to be quiet. Bullies love to target those who aren’t like everyone else, those who stand out in some way. In my life I’ve spent so much time just trying to be invisible or incognito but there is a delicate balance there. I want to be invisible but I still want to be me. Sometimes being me means being seen. Normal for me is a part time aspiration. Most of the time I don’t care about it but when I need it, it’s important. Because of this the word normal had always made me feel pressure that it shouldn’t.

 

In a better world, normal would be nothing to aspire to be. Everyone would be able to figure out who or what they want to be and then just do it. There would be no pressures to conform to and more importantly, no judgment if you don’t. In fact, in a better world there would be no normal, no arbitrary standards. I know that’s asking for a lot, to live together in a global community of individuals who had to the ability to accept and embrace differences. With good intentions, we’re taught to always find similarities and to build off of that. Think of all the ways we are the same. For the purposes of connecting or finding starting points to a connection, there’s great value in that but that doesn’t mean we have to be 100% the same. I always find individuals so much more interesting than the pack, always have. I’ve probably learned a lot more from them too. It’s a huge reason why I’ve always been so attracted to art. Art tends to attract people who don’t always follow the crowd.  

 

So should everyone be weird as possible? Well first off, everyone is weird to someone else, it’s subjective, but to answer the question, no I think people should be themselves… whatever that means to them. I know I’m an odd duck but compared to what? We’re all different in some way. Not everyone is 32 flavors, some are just one or two and that’s okay. Acceptance and respect for each other would really benefit us all. It’s a two way street. The person who is 32 flavors shouldn’t condescend at the person who is 2 and the person who is 2 shouldn’t treat the person who is 32 like they are a freak. Maybe washing our hands of normalcy is a way to get to respect and acceptance. I’m not normal… I’m Edwin.  

 

The covid years really brought the word back as we redefined normal, in some good ways, some bad ways I guess. I got so sick of the term “new normal”. The problem with all of it was that it wasn’t a choice, it was forced change and many people don’t respond well to those. Scared people forced into massive changes are going to cling extra hard to what they know. They’ll fight to protect the status quo and in a lot of circumstances, this happened with unfortunate results. It was all in a desperate attempt to return to normalcy. 

 

Being normal became just being able to leave the house again. It meant dining out again or going to a show. As an introverted homebody who has dealt with a lot of fears and health issues the past few years wanting to be normal is going to bed at night and hoping for no discomfort or pain. Wanting to be normal again is wishing I can walk like I could before all the spinal issues. For a long time trying to be normal was wanting to eat a reasonable portion of food and being satisfied with it. Sometimes things like those are what wanting to be normal is. I have days where I wish I could be more normal because it might make things easier. Then I have times where the thought of normal repulses me. It truly is a balancing act. Mental health can make that balance more dramatic as well. As I said at the beginning of this; sometimes I am chasing normal. Other times I am running away from it. I think of the words of Val Kilmer playing the role of Doc Holliday in the movie Tombstone. Kurt Russell played Wyatt Earp and he tells Doc that what he wants is to live “a normal life”. Doc quickly tells him; “There is no normal life, there’s just life. Now get on with it.” Doc may have been onto something there. Maybe we should leave normal behind, take all the beauty we can find, run and never look back. Why be normal when we can be magic?