It’s the last day of February and I for one couldn’t be happier. We are now 3 weeks away from Spring! It’s been a rough winter as it’s been one of the coldest and one of the snowiest in recent memory. This past month especially has been brutal on me but thankfully I have a number of great friends who helped to make some days far better than others. On January 31st was when I first noticed some soreness in my ankle and 2 days later is when I sprained the hell out of it. Fast forward 4 weeks later and I am still feeling the effects although what I feel these days is thankfully nothing like that first week.
Originally I planned to start jogging again on March 1st. I was looking forward to this date all winter. I knew that in March there would be days where it would be too snowy and icy to jog but there’d also be a number of days where the streets were clear and I could. I was going to jog in the parkway every day I could akin to several summers back when I ran every single day for 4-5 months and shaved a lot of weight off my frame and put myself in a condition where I was nearly able to run some of those 5k or 10k races they have in Buffalo throughout the year. But I was ruthless with how much and how hard I ran myself, even going so far as to strap ankle weights on to make it more difficult. Then when that became easy I also strapped on weighted gloves to pump my arms as I ran. For a few weeks I was running with over 10 pounds of weight strapped to myself! At first I felt powerful and unstoppable but a short time later my body began to fight against me and I had some of the worst knee and joint pain I’ve ever had. I had to stop for a while. That while turned into many weeks. After all those weeks of not running my knees began to improve but it was too late. I lost the desire to continue. The momentum was broken. Then of course over time I gained the weight back and then some and felt awful about it.
Four times in my life I’ve lost a significant amount of weight and then something happened. One time I got bronchitis and then pneumonia which threw me way off course and helped me to gain back the weight. Another time my dad got really sick and died and I went into a deep funk it took me a very long time to escape from and when I escaped I escaped heavier than I began. I already mentioned the sore knees and joints which stopped me and another time my gym membership ran out and I couldn’t afford to renew it which resulted in a funk I couldn’t shake until gaining back all the weight again. In every case something happened and I let it beat me. I remember thinking maybe the higher powers of the universe want me to be fat. Why else would they put these obstacles in my way? Other times I think that maybe these were challenges to test me that I needed to overcome. In reality, I don’t know what it means, but I know where I’ve been and what I’ve learned. So okay, maybe I’m not physically ready to start running tomorrow on the 1st, but maybe I will be a week from now. I’ll start when I’m able and I won’t let up until I’m satisfied. Football starts in 7 weeks, kickball in 2 months and who knows what other sports I will commit to this spring. I must utilize the wisdom I’ve acquired and the patience I’ve learned to get there. I want to be more than ready. I want to be ready and happy.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
The Great Winter Funk of 2011 (2-19-11)
IT'S AMAZING what the weather can do for your mood. These past few days I have felt so alive and I’ve had a ton of energy. Since it’s only February we knew the warmth would only be temporary, and as I type this the temperature is normalizing which is just another way to say it’s getting colder. Even though this warming trend was short lived it wet my appetite for spring. I felt like things balanced out a little this week. It also illustrates how I am affected by external sources.
Before the warm-up I couldn’t help but feel stagnant and beaten down by the coldest winter I can remember however these past few days have helped to break the spell. You see I get caught in routines and habits, good and bad and at some point in January the winter broke me. Once that happened my energy was zapped and I resolved to be a sad hermit until March or whenever the temperatures rebounded. I started backing out of potential plans and ideas. My creative energy was running low. I started to fall into the funk known as the winter blues. I began to feel isolated and lonely. My naturally cheery and somewhat naïve demeanor was replaced by cynical and moody. Sometimes you don’t realize the metamorphosis has occurred until you get a great day and it hits you. For me the great day was a few Saturdays ago when my friend helped me out big time in regards to my sprained ankle and the resulting complications due to it (For those of you who missed that story check out my blog “hobble hobble” dated 2/10).
When it finally came I thought, wow I haven’t had a great day in a long time. In fact, I haven’t had even a good day in a long time. Then it hits you. You realize where you’ve been, what kept you down and where you want to go. I thought, damn this weather had really been getting to me. I didn’t realize how much of a funk I’d been in. Like a whirlwind the great day hits, recognition occurs and I really wanted to try to keep the positive vibes going but my slow recovering ankle and the continued dreadful weather combined to tag team me into tapping out again. It’s hard to win a 2 on 1 battle. Again I felt low and somewhat lifeless. That was until earlier this week.
When the temperatures rose and I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and icicles falling to their demise I had a great feeling inside. I went through my morning routine of breakfast, green tea, Sportscenter, bathroom and gone just a little quicker that day. I couldn’t wait to get outside and see what all the fuss was about. Why were the birds making all that lovely racket? Why were the icicles, which for weeks were ominously growing and dangling all over the edges of the house, suddenly meeting their end?
I rushed outside or as fast as my tender ankle would allow me, and within a few seconds everything became clear. The first gust of wind hit me and it didn’t make me cringe. I didn’t turn my face away from it. In fact I turned my face towards it. It was rather pleasurable… a nice cool gust instead of a biting frigid one. Oh yes.
That started several days of feeling good. My energy rose and all of a sudden I wanted to do many things. Ideas and inspiration came a-knockin and I wanted to read, write and create. I’m in awe over how external forces can motivate me more than internal ones. It’s like I get stuck in my own head, in my own mind and then the universe conspires to give me a little push. I’m grateful for it every time it does.
So here I am this afternoon and I wonder if there’s no turning back this time or if I’m just one snowstorm and deep chill away from heading back to that funky place. I cross off each day on my calendar and now we are getting so close to March that I’m starting to make optimistic plans for that month. There’s daylight savings right around the corner, the first day of spring… I can feel the good times ahead… is it enough? I look outside right now and see a fresh coat of snow on the ground. This morning I walked into work happy that every little step I took was easy and free, no worrying about ice or slipping and hurting myself. I felt like Bobby Brown or maybe James Brown. I felt good. But now I begin to worry about the walk home in a few hours. Will all the good vibrations be stifled by this new blanket of snow? I think I’m just a little antsy because the last few months have been filled with more bad than good and I really dislike imbalance.
I guess you can’t have the good without the bad, the warm without the cold. I get so giddy during the good times and so down during the rough ones. That’s the beauty and the curse of being so sensitive and emotional. Step back, breathe and focus. There will be a few more valleys before the peaks arrive. Such is life; I have to remind myself that everything balances out in the end. The warm days are coming and the great winter funk of 2011 is reaching its end.
Before the warm-up I couldn’t help but feel stagnant and beaten down by the coldest winter I can remember however these past few days have helped to break the spell. You see I get caught in routines and habits, good and bad and at some point in January the winter broke me. Once that happened my energy was zapped and I resolved to be a sad hermit until March or whenever the temperatures rebounded. I started backing out of potential plans and ideas. My creative energy was running low. I started to fall into the funk known as the winter blues. I began to feel isolated and lonely. My naturally cheery and somewhat naïve demeanor was replaced by cynical and moody. Sometimes you don’t realize the metamorphosis has occurred until you get a great day and it hits you. For me the great day was a few Saturdays ago when my friend helped me out big time in regards to my sprained ankle and the resulting complications due to it (For those of you who missed that story check out my blog “hobble hobble” dated 2/10).
When it finally came I thought, wow I haven’t had a great day in a long time. In fact, I haven’t had even a good day in a long time. Then it hits you. You realize where you’ve been, what kept you down and where you want to go. I thought, damn this weather had really been getting to me. I didn’t realize how much of a funk I’d been in. Like a whirlwind the great day hits, recognition occurs and I really wanted to try to keep the positive vibes going but my slow recovering ankle and the continued dreadful weather combined to tag team me into tapping out again. It’s hard to win a 2 on 1 battle. Again I felt low and somewhat lifeless. That was until earlier this week.
When the temperatures rose and I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and icicles falling to their demise I had a great feeling inside. I went through my morning routine of breakfast, green tea, Sportscenter, bathroom and gone just a little quicker that day. I couldn’t wait to get outside and see what all the fuss was about. Why were the birds making all that lovely racket? Why were the icicles, which for weeks were ominously growing and dangling all over the edges of the house, suddenly meeting their end?
I rushed outside or as fast as my tender ankle would allow me, and within a few seconds everything became clear. The first gust of wind hit me and it didn’t make me cringe. I didn’t turn my face away from it. In fact I turned my face towards it. It was rather pleasurable… a nice cool gust instead of a biting frigid one. Oh yes.
That started several days of feeling good. My energy rose and all of a sudden I wanted to do many things. Ideas and inspiration came a-knockin and I wanted to read, write and create. I’m in awe over how external forces can motivate me more than internal ones. It’s like I get stuck in my own head, in my own mind and then the universe conspires to give me a little push. I’m grateful for it every time it does.
So here I am this afternoon and I wonder if there’s no turning back this time or if I’m just one snowstorm and deep chill away from heading back to that funky place. I cross off each day on my calendar and now we are getting so close to March that I’m starting to make optimistic plans for that month. There’s daylight savings right around the corner, the first day of spring… I can feel the good times ahead… is it enough? I look outside right now and see a fresh coat of snow on the ground. This morning I walked into work happy that every little step I took was easy and free, no worrying about ice or slipping and hurting myself. I felt like Bobby Brown or maybe James Brown. I felt good. But now I begin to worry about the walk home in a few hours. Will all the good vibrations be stifled by this new blanket of snow? I think I’m just a little antsy because the last few months have been filled with more bad than good and I really dislike imbalance.
I guess you can’t have the good without the bad, the warm without the cold. I get so giddy during the good times and so down during the rough ones. That’s the beauty and the curse of being so sensitive and emotional. Step back, breathe and focus. There will be a few more valleys before the peaks arrive. Such is life; I have to remind myself that everything balances out in the end. The warm days are coming and the great winter funk of 2011 is reaching its end.
Monday, February 14, 2011
* I Miss Sex (2-14-11)
Another Valentine’s Day is here and once again I have nowhere or no one to unleash my affections upon. I say unleash because I have the capacity to give and share deeply and passionately. This is true of me in daily life and in naked life. There’s nothing more I would want today than to give someone a thoughtful, heartfelt Valentine’s gift to show them how much I feel for them followed by some passionate Valentine’s day loving to also show them how much I feel for them.
Once upon a time I thought I was a sex addict. Not because I was going at it with many partners (I can still count the number of partners I’ve ever had on one hand) but because of the incredible urges. I wondered if it was natural to be put into the mood so easily and often. I used to think something was wrong with me but over time and through some research I gathered that I wasn’t some sex fiend, I just had a high sex drive. How does one have a large sexual appetite and so few partners? I guess it’s due to me being very selective and quite willing to “self love”. It’s certainly not the same but my testicles aren’t blue either.
I can remember the last time I engaged in real sex despite it being several years. I remember little moments about it… things I said, things she said and did. It was wonderful but you never know how great it truly is until it’s gone. At that moment, two people who cared about each other, stripped bare, vulnerable and trusting, sharing the most intimate of acts. There’s something so powerful and magical about such moments. Even back then when it was happening regularly for me I used to spend a lot of time engaged in foreplay because I valued those moments. It’s primal and it makes me tremble down to my soul. I miss that level of intimacy so much.
So why not go out and have sex? If only it were that easy. I’d had a few chances in the past 5 years to do just that but it was never right. As hungry as I was, my sexual needs can’t get past my mind. I’m not one of those guys who is overcome by their desires to the point that they’ll push aside reason and logic and believe me I know this from experience. I’ve tried to “hook up” with someone on more than 1 occasion only to find out that I can’t do it. I didn’t even get to the naked part. No emotion, no desire, no passion, nothing trumps my mind except for one important thing; my heart. If my heart wants something enough my mind will cooperate. That is my criteria. I can’t circumvent it. My mind knows all and my heart can’t be fooled by simple lust. I have to really care about the person to want to have sex with them.
Only once in my entire life have I had a serious girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. I always look back upon that day at times like this. It makes me smile. I think about the other times I’ve been intimate with someone. Those flashbacks flood my mind on a day like this where the lonelies want to invade my mood and send me to Mopesville. I think about curves and skin. I think about sultry eyes and soft lips. I think about taste and touch. I think about hearts in unison and the most precious of moments shared with someone I want to do everything for. Then I snap back into reality and smirk.
Tonight, instead of my honey I’ll be putting my hands, mouth and tongue all over some candy and other treats. While it will still be sweet, much like self love it’s not the same. It’s been too long and absence makes the heart grow fonder. It makes me wonder with my standards and discipline if I will ever have sex again. Damn, I miss it.
Once upon a time I thought I was a sex addict. Not because I was going at it with many partners (I can still count the number of partners I’ve ever had on one hand) but because of the incredible urges. I wondered if it was natural to be put into the mood so easily and often. I used to think something was wrong with me but over time and through some research I gathered that I wasn’t some sex fiend, I just had a high sex drive. How does one have a large sexual appetite and so few partners? I guess it’s due to me being very selective and quite willing to “self love”. It’s certainly not the same but my testicles aren’t blue either.
I can remember the last time I engaged in real sex despite it being several years. I remember little moments about it… things I said, things she said and did. It was wonderful but you never know how great it truly is until it’s gone. At that moment, two people who cared about each other, stripped bare, vulnerable and trusting, sharing the most intimate of acts. There’s something so powerful and magical about such moments. Even back then when it was happening regularly for me I used to spend a lot of time engaged in foreplay because I valued those moments. It’s primal and it makes me tremble down to my soul. I miss that level of intimacy so much.
So why not go out and have sex? If only it were that easy. I’d had a few chances in the past 5 years to do just that but it was never right. As hungry as I was, my sexual needs can’t get past my mind. I’m not one of those guys who is overcome by their desires to the point that they’ll push aside reason and logic and believe me I know this from experience. I’ve tried to “hook up” with someone on more than 1 occasion only to find out that I can’t do it. I didn’t even get to the naked part. No emotion, no desire, no passion, nothing trumps my mind except for one important thing; my heart. If my heart wants something enough my mind will cooperate. That is my criteria. I can’t circumvent it. My mind knows all and my heart can’t be fooled by simple lust. I have to really care about the person to want to have sex with them.
Only once in my entire life have I had a serious girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. I always look back upon that day at times like this. It makes me smile. I think about the other times I’ve been intimate with someone. Those flashbacks flood my mind on a day like this where the lonelies want to invade my mood and send me to Mopesville. I think about curves and skin. I think about sultry eyes and soft lips. I think about taste and touch. I think about hearts in unison and the most precious of moments shared with someone I want to do everything for. Then I snap back into reality and smirk.
Tonight, instead of my honey I’ll be putting my hands, mouth and tongue all over some candy and other treats. While it will still be sweet, much like self love it’s not the same. It’s been too long and absence makes the heart grow fonder. It makes me wonder with my standards and discipline if I will ever have sex again. Damn, I miss it.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Hobble Hobble (2-10-11)
I sat in front of the computer and turned my head to the right so I could see the time and room temperature on my little all purpose gizmo. I called the Cable Company on Monday night hoping to get my internet and cable restored the next day. When the representative mentioned they had nothing until Wednesday the 2nd I was a little bummed. He asked whether I’d want an early or late appointment on Wednesday and at the time the news predicted an awful snow/ice storm for Tuesday overnight and Wednesday. Two things crossed my mind; the first is that I need my service back on as soon as possible and second, what happens if the conditions outside are so bad by late Wednesday that they can’t make it? I’ve never heard of the cable company taking a snow day but I didn’t want to be the first either.
I was offered 8-10am or 8-Noon. I picked 8-Noon and I have no idea why but I think I had a reason at the time. Speaking of the time, it was after 10am and there was still no word from them. There was a good 6 inches of snow on the ground already from the night before and it was still coming down. I went out to shovel my stairs and the little walkway from the driveway to my door a few times anticipating the cable person’s arrival. When I did I could feel that my ankle was starting to get pretty sore. Back on the Monday I woke up and it hurt a little. My best guess as to how I did it was I must’ve twisted it a bit in my sleep. Also with it snowing every other day if not every day, the ground was slippery, sloppy and uneven. On my walk to work I’d say maybe 1 in 20 houses will actually shovel right after a storm. Another 6-7 might shovel in the day or so after that. The remaining houses don’t shovel at all. It irks me to no end because with my flat feet and clumsy ways I find myself semi-rolling my ankles a lot on the sometimes hard, sometimes soft but always lumpy leftovers underneath my feet. Lumpy terrain is not good for ankles.
Most of the time when I roll my ankle part of the way, I don’t feel it that much but occasionally if I roll it far enough I can “tweak” it, meaning it might hurt or feel tender for a day or two. This was a little bit worse than any of those scenarios. It felt like a mild twist on Monday but then 2 days later, it was affecting the way I walked. It was growing very sore. After I finished shoveling my steps I returned the shovel to the garage and then went back up my stairs to go inside but I had to slow down as my ankle made it that I could only take one step at time. I’d raise my good foot up to the next step and then meet it with the bad one and start again. When I cannot even alternate steps, then I know there’s a problem.
The cable guy finally showed just after eleven and he had some work cut out for him. My entire line from the pole to the side of my place was bad and he said he had to install a whole new line/cable. With the weather as crappy as it was I felt badly for him. Every once in a while I’d peek out the window to see the guy on the pole or the cables bobbing as they were being worked on. It took over 2 hours for him to complete the work and when he did I was running extra late but I had to hang out for a little bit to enjoy the fruits of his labor. I told my boss I’d be in a little after noon but it was a little after one and now that I had the internet and the clearest picture on my television that I’ve had in a year I had to hang back and flip through a few channels while checking email. You know, just to make sure. ;)
I hopped on the bus and made it to work before 2. I was going to have to make up the time I missed that morning by staying until 8 that night and then coming in for a few extra hours on the weekend but it didn’t quite work out that way.
By quarter after 6 I started to feel run down and my ankle was throbbing. I wasn’t going to make it to 8. I checked the bus schedule but after realizing I had just missed a bus and the next one wasn’t coming for half an hour I made a fateful choice. I thought, despite the foot of fresh snow on the ground and my fading ankle I could still make it home in 20 minutes or less. Why wait a half hour when I could be home with my feet up by then? With my logic rationalized I put on my coat and gloves and punched out for the night. I began the walk home muttering through my teeth when I had to walk past a house that didn’t shovel which meant I was muttering often. These houses hadn’t shoveled when it snowed a few days prior so the loose stuff was just a sloppy, slushy cover over a few more inches of packed down, uneven hard ice-like stuff. Walking through it was a laborious and painful chore.
As I made it to Gates Circle which I usually consider to be the halfway point of the journey I knew it was a mistake to have walked it but by then I had already bought in. I was only a few blocks from home and in 10 minutes I could put my feet up and relax. I marched forward with the mutters turning into outright talking. No one was around so I could talk to myself and not be judged but I might have barked out things even if there were passersby. When I reached my corner my ankle was screaming at me and although I don’t speak ankle it was pretty clear what it was saying.
That last block was the quickest and the toughest. I marched down the block with great energy but I’m not sure all that energy was positive. By then the anger of the conditions outside and my pain were getting to me. I pushed hard through the loose snow and put even more pressure on my foot. Plus I’ve always had a habit of finishing strong when I do finish. I could go on a 10 mile walk and while I could be dragging by mile 8 or 9 when I find out I’m on mile 10, or when I can see the finish line it’s like a second wind takes over and propels me there faster and with more purpose than I thought I had. It’s this principle that fills me with can do spirit and convinces me my energy reservoirs are deeper than fuller than I ever think they are.
I pushed through the snow and I looked down at my sore left foot. I was walking with it almost completely sideways and I told myself just a few more houses and everything will be fine. I ended up lying to myself but not out of deceit. It was more out of ignorance as I had no idea what was to happen next.
I sat down on the carpet and flipped the television on. It was a Wednesday night so I was excited about watching a new episode of Criminal Minds. As exhausted and sore as I was I thought it would be a good idea not to cook that night and besides that, I was woefully short on food and supplies in the house. I grabbed the phone and ordered some food for delivery, that way I’d have a minimal effort dinner and I’d have something for lunch the next day at work!
When the food arrived I had to get up to pay the man and getting up off the floor was very difficult. Stiffness was setting in with the soreness and after I paid, grabbed a plate, a Pepsi and some utensils I took a Motrin and hoped that would help reverse the process… well that and a nice quiet night in.
When I awoke the next morning it was far earlier than I expected. More than that when I tried to rise to go to the bathroom I discovered I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t put any weight on my bad ankle without screaming pain. It wasn’t this bad when I went to bed! The pain was throbbing whether I lay in bed, sat in a chair or did anything else. I propped up a bunch of pillows, blankets and whatever I could find so I could put my foot up. At that point I couldn’t even fathom getting into the shower, let alone making it into work.
I watched television all morning only getting up twice briefly to go to the bathroom. Both trips were excruciating. I dusted off the set of crutches I had from 2007 when I had the broken leg from the car attack. The crutches were a godsend as they enabled me to get around. When I am hurt like this I think about how great it is to have a small apartment. Despite my new found mobility, I couldn’t put my bad foot on the floor, not even a part of it. It wasn’t too hard to call in to work and let them know I wouldn’t be in. My boss commented the night before about how I should take a day or two off when she saw me limping out the door. After making it official that I’d be spending the day in the house, I got as comfortable as possible and made sure everything necessary was within arm’s reach and I took my repaired cable and internet for a day long test drive.
Friday was more of the same except there was a hint of improvement. I could stand on my heel with minimal pain. This was great if I had to make a prolonged stop. I even went into work for 2 hours. Thankfully my boss sent someone to pick me up at my door. After that I got a ride to the bank to cash my paycheck and I sat at my desk and did the best I could. I took a few painkillers but they were more like painmufflers. It wasn’t as bad as the day before but it was difficult to concentrate on my work when I was still in a good deal of pain so 2 hours was all I could handle.
When I returned home I plopped down in front of the television again. I wasn’t doing much better but at least I had personal time to cover my work absence and better than that, at least I now had a chunk of cash to order delivery food to my door. Things could have been worse.
By the time Friday evening came around I was starting the feel the self pity and depression that comes along with such an injury. I was collapsed in a heap in front of the television and it had been 48 hours since this ankle thing went out of control. I could stand on some of the injured foot but that was about it. Every few hours when I had to get up for something I would test the foot looking for any sign of progress to smile about. Unfortunately there was little.
I finished the last of the pizza I had purchased Wednesday evening earlier in the day and I needed something new to eat. My cupboards were close to bare and my fridge was close to empty. What great timing this was! I hurt my ankle when we get a foot of snow AND when I am woefully in need of supplies. Like I said, there was self pity!
Whenever I’m a gloomy-pants I get pulled out of it one of two ways: internally or externally. If I looked inside to shake it, it was going to take a while because it was going to be a while before I was up and around and that was going to be the best medicine. If I had looked to the outside to find a way out of the dumps I would have guessed that it would have taken something very profound.
A text came through from a friend asking me if I were still stuck in the house. I replied that I was and relayed my current condition to her and she seemed surprised to find out how bad it was. She asked me if I would be home all night and what I wanted to eat. She gave me 4 options. One of the options was stuffed shells. Unbeknownst to her only 20 minutes prior to her text I had ordered a calzone from a pizza place because I had a craving for ricotta cheese. Plus the place had Pepsi products so I ordered a 2-liter and some Hawaiian Punch. I was ordering as much for the fluids as I was the ricotta! When she listed stuffed shells among the options I couldn’t say no. I thought for a few minutes that she was going to cook for me and bring it over, how wonderful! But a few minutes later another text came in telling me to answer my door in about an hour. Ha-ha, she ordered me food from a nearby restaurant. As it turns out she was super busy but still took the time to order me dinner, and pay for it too no less! Her warmth warmed me and from that moment onward my attitude changed. I began to get super optimistic about every incremental improvement or decrease in pain. I felt like this was the moment I got over myself and turned the corner.
My calzone arrived first but I didn’t even open the box. I put it aside and waited for the main event. When it came there was another surprise, she got me antipasto too! I found a comfortable enough place for my foot and went to Munchville. For 15 minutes I was happy and that was 15 more minutes happy than I had been all day.
She checked up on me to see if everything arrived without a problem and she also asked me if I needed things from the store and mentioned that she would pick them up for me the next day and bring them over. This was the point were she went from nice to very kind. When I typed her a small list of things I needed I almost teared up a little because I couldn’t believe someone could be so kind to me. I sent her the email and although I didn’t sleep very much or very well, I felt like my soul was soothed. My body ached and things were definitely not right but my mind was doing fine. The expression chicken soup for the soul came to mind.
The next day there was definite improvement. I could walk around on the outside edge of the bad foot. The pain filled ankle turned into a pain filled inner ankle. When she arrived she blew my mind because not only had she so kindly gotten all these things I couldn’t get myself, she brought her dog over whom I absolutely love and she had a football cake in her hands (This was the day before the Super Bowl). It said “Go Steelers” on it and she told me I had to root for them now. How could I say no? She brought the things I requested and then some. Again she went above and beyond as she bought extra stuff for me and paid for it herself. Chief among them were the ingredients to a delicious sounding turkey chili that she was going to make for me right then and there! More than that, she brought some lunch from Moe’s! Can you believe this? I couldn’t and at this point she went from very kind to saint in my eyes. We ate and talked and laughed. I updated her on things going on with me and she did the same. For those 2 hours plus that she was over I don’t even remember feeling much pain and I certainly didn’t think about it much. That’s the power of extreme kindness. After the chili was ready she didn’t even have any, she left the entire pot for me! It turned out to be 5 bowls in 3 days. Even though that was nearly a week ago, I’m still floored when I think about the gesture.
The next day came and I had Super Bowl cake for the Super Bowl. Then Monday arrived and I could almost put weight on the entire foot. I returned to work although I only worked half a day. On Tuesday I worked a little longer and Wednesday longer still. Now here I am on Thursday working a full day and I can almost walk like a normal person again and best of all, I feel great internally! I can’t wait to go out for a nice long walk but at the same time, I’m being smart about this. I’m going to bus to and from work for at least a week to give it more time and I promise no more angry snow marching, especially if something hurts. My message to all of you is not to take things for granted because you never know what can happen. I realize no one lives their life this way. If we took nothing for granted we’d probably have to change a lot of things in our lives. I get that. What I’m saying is try to take a moment each day, reflect on what you have, appreciate it and try not to take the good things for granted, especially the love, the generosity and the kindness. As I look back on this whole ordeal my strongest memory of it by far is the kindness of an amazing woman. To be treated so thoughtfully and wonderfully, it was almost worth getting hurt… well almost. ;)
Live, Love, Laugh and Give!
I was offered 8-10am or 8-Noon. I picked 8-Noon and I have no idea why but I think I had a reason at the time. Speaking of the time, it was after 10am and there was still no word from them. There was a good 6 inches of snow on the ground already from the night before and it was still coming down. I went out to shovel my stairs and the little walkway from the driveway to my door a few times anticipating the cable person’s arrival. When I did I could feel that my ankle was starting to get pretty sore. Back on the Monday I woke up and it hurt a little. My best guess as to how I did it was I must’ve twisted it a bit in my sleep. Also with it snowing every other day if not every day, the ground was slippery, sloppy and uneven. On my walk to work I’d say maybe 1 in 20 houses will actually shovel right after a storm. Another 6-7 might shovel in the day or so after that. The remaining houses don’t shovel at all. It irks me to no end because with my flat feet and clumsy ways I find myself semi-rolling my ankles a lot on the sometimes hard, sometimes soft but always lumpy leftovers underneath my feet. Lumpy terrain is not good for ankles.
Most of the time when I roll my ankle part of the way, I don’t feel it that much but occasionally if I roll it far enough I can “tweak” it, meaning it might hurt or feel tender for a day or two. This was a little bit worse than any of those scenarios. It felt like a mild twist on Monday but then 2 days later, it was affecting the way I walked. It was growing very sore. After I finished shoveling my steps I returned the shovel to the garage and then went back up my stairs to go inside but I had to slow down as my ankle made it that I could only take one step at time. I’d raise my good foot up to the next step and then meet it with the bad one and start again. When I cannot even alternate steps, then I know there’s a problem.
The cable guy finally showed just after eleven and he had some work cut out for him. My entire line from the pole to the side of my place was bad and he said he had to install a whole new line/cable. With the weather as crappy as it was I felt badly for him. Every once in a while I’d peek out the window to see the guy on the pole or the cables bobbing as they were being worked on. It took over 2 hours for him to complete the work and when he did I was running extra late but I had to hang out for a little bit to enjoy the fruits of his labor. I told my boss I’d be in a little after noon but it was a little after one and now that I had the internet and the clearest picture on my television that I’ve had in a year I had to hang back and flip through a few channels while checking email. You know, just to make sure. ;)
I hopped on the bus and made it to work before 2. I was going to have to make up the time I missed that morning by staying until 8 that night and then coming in for a few extra hours on the weekend but it didn’t quite work out that way.
By quarter after 6 I started to feel run down and my ankle was throbbing. I wasn’t going to make it to 8. I checked the bus schedule but after realizing I had just missed a bus and the next one wasn’t coming for half an hour I made a fateful choice. I thought, despite the foot of fresh snow on the ground and my fading ankle I could still make it home in 20 minutes or less. Why wait a half hour when I could be home with my feet up by then? With my logic rationalized I put on my coat and gloves and punched out for the night. I began the walk home muttering through my teeth when I had to walk past a house that didn’t shovel which meant I was muttering often. These houses hadn’t shoveled when it snowed a few days prior so the loose stuff was just a sloppy, slushy cover over a few more inches of packed down, uneven hard ice-like stuff. Walking through it was a laborious and painful chore.
As I made it to Gates Circle which I usually consider to be the halfway point of the journey I knew it was a mistake to have walked it but by then I had already bought in. I was only a few blocks from home and in 10 minutes I could put my feet up and relax. I marched forward with the mutters turning into outright talking. No one was around so I could talk to myself and not be judged but I might have barked out things even if there were passersby. When I reached my corner my ankle was screaming at me and although I don’t speak ankle it was pretty clear what it was saying.
That last block was the quickest and the toughest. I marched down the block with great energy but I’m not sure all that energy was positive. By then the anger of the conditions outside and my pain were getting to me. I pushed hard through the loose snow and put even more pressure on my foot. Plus I’ve always had a habit of finishing strong when I do finish. I could go on a 10 mile walk and while I could be dragging by mile 8 or 9 when I find out I’m on mile 10, or when I can see the finish line it’s like a second wind takes over and propels me there faster and with more purpose than I thought I had. It’s this principle that fills me with can do spirit and convinces me my energy reservoirs are deeper than fuller than I ever think they are.
I pushed through the snow and I looked down at my sore left foot. I was walking with it almost completely sideways and I told myself just a few more houses and everything will be fine. I ended up lying to myself but not out of deceit. It was more out of ignorance as I had no idea what was to happen next.
I sat down on the carpet and flipped the television on. It was a Wednesday night so I was excited about watching a new episode of Criminal Minds. As exhausted and sore as I was I thought it would be a good idea not to cook that night and besides that, I was woefully short on food and supplies in the house. I grabbed the phone and ordered some food for delivery, that way I’d have a minimal effort dinner and I’d have something for lunch the next day at work!
When the food arrived I had to get up to pay the man and getting up off the floor was very difficult. Stiffness was setting in with the soreness and after I paid, grabbed a plate, a Pepsi and some utensils I took a Motrin and hoped that would help reverse the process… well that and a nice quiet night in.
When I awoke the next morning it was far earlier than I expected. More than that when I tried to rise to go to the bathroom I discovered I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t put any weight on my bad ankle without screaming pain. It wasn’t this bad when I went to bed! The pain was throbbing whether I lay in bed, sat in a chair or did anything else. I propped up a bunch of pillows, blankets and whatever I could find so I could put my foot up. At that point I couldn’t even fathom getting into the shower, let alone making it into work.
I watched television all morning only getting up twice briefly to go to the bathroom. Both trips were excruciating. I dusted off the set of crutches I had from 2007 when I had the broken leg from the car attack. The crutches were a godsend as they enabled me to get around. When I am hurt like this I think about how great it is to have a small apartment. Despite my new found mobility, I couldn’t put my bad foot on the floor, not even a part of it. It wasn’t too hard to call in to work and let them know I wouldn’t be in. My boss commented the night before about how I should take a day or two off when she saw me limping out the door. After making it official that I’d be spending the day in the house, I got as comfortable as possible and made sure everything necessary was within arm’s reach and I took my repaired cable and internet for a day long test drive.
Friday was more of the same except there was a hint of improvement. I could stand on my heel with minimal pain. This was great if I had to make a prolonged stop. I even went into work for 2 hours. Thankfully my boss sent someone to pick me up at my door. After that I got a ride to the bank to cash my paycheck and I sat at my desk and did the best I could. I took a few painkillers but they were more like painmufflers. It wasn’t as bad as the day before but it was difficult to concentrate on my work when I was still in a good deal of pain so 2 hours was all I could handle.
When I returned home I plopped down in front of the television again. I wasn’t doing much better but at least I had personal time to cover my work absence and better than that, at least I now had a chunk of cash to order delivery food to my door. Things could have been worse.
By the time Friday evening came around I was starting the feel the self pity and depression that comes along with such an injury. I was collapsed in a heap in front of the television and it had been 48 hours since this ankle thing went out of control. I could stand on some of the injured foot but that was about it. Every few hours when I had to get up for something I would test the foot looking for any sign of progress to smile about. Unfortunately there was little.
I finished the last of the pizza I had purchased Wednesday evening earlier in the day and I needed something new to eat. My cupboards were close to bare and my fridge was close to empty. What great timing this was! I hurt my ankle when we get a foot of snow AND when I am woefully in need of supplies. Like I said, there was self pity!
Whenever I’m a gloomy-pants I get pulled out of it one of two ways: internally or externally. If I looked inside to shake it, it was going to take a while because it was going to be a while before I was up and around and that was going to be the best medicine. If I had looked to the outside to find a way out of the dumps I would have guessed that it would have taken something very profound.
A text came through from a friend asking me if I were still stuck in the house. I replied that I was and relayed my current condition to her and she seemed surprised to find out how bad it was. She asked me if I would be home all night and what I wanted to eat. She gave me 4 options. One of the options was stuffed shells. Unbeknownst to her only 20 minutes prior to her text I had ordered a calzone from a pizza place because I had a craving for ricotta cheese. Plus the place had Pepsi products so I ordered a 2-liter and some Hawaiian Punch. I was ordering as much for the fluids as I was the ricotta! When she listed stuffed shells among the options I couldn’t say no. I thought for a few minutes that she was going to cook for me and bring it over, how wonderful! But a few minutes later another text came in telling me to answer my door in about an hour. Ha-ha, she ordered me food from a nearby restaurant. As it turns out she was super busy but still took the time to order me dinner, and pay for it too no less! Her warmth warmed me and from that moment onward my attitude changed. I began to get super optimistic about every incremental improvement or decrease in pain. I felt like this was the moment I got over myself and turned the corner.
My calzone arrived first but I didn’t even open the box. I put it aside and waited for the main event. When it came there was another surprise, she got me antipasto too! I found a comfortable enough place for my foot and went to Munchville. For 15 minutes I was happy and that was 15 more minutes happy than I had been all day.
She checked up on me to see if everything arrived without a problem and she also asked me if I needed things from the store and mentioned that she would pick them up for me the next day and bring them over. This was the point were she went from nice to very kind. When I typed her a small list of things I needed I almost teared up a little because I couldn’t believe someone could be so kind to me. I sent her the email and although I didn’t sleep very much or very well, I felt like my soul was soothed. My body ached and things were definitely not right but my mind was doing fine. The expression chicken soup for the soul came to mind.
The next day there was definite improvement. I could walk around on the outside edge of the bad foot. The pain filled ankle turned into a pain filled inner ankle. When she arrived she blew my mind because not only had she so kindly gotten all these things I couldn’t get myself, she brought her dog over whom I absolutely love and she had a football cake in her hands (This was the day before the Super Bowl). It said “Go Steelers” on it and she told me I had to root for them now. How could I say no? She brought the things I requested and then some. Again she went above and beyond as she bought extra stuff for me and paid for it herself. Chief among them were the ingredients to a delicious sounding turkey chili that she was going to make for me right then and there! More than that, she brought some lunch from Moe’s! Can you believe this? I couldn’t and at this point she went from very kind to saint in my eyes. We ate and talked and laughed. I updated her on things going on with me and she did the same. For those 2 hours plus that she was over I don’t even remember feeling much pain and I certainly didn’t think about it much. That’s the power of extreme kindness. After the chili was ready she didn’t even have any, she left the entire pot for me! It turned out to be 5 bowls in 3 days. Even though that was nearly a week ago, I’m still floored when I think about the gesture.
The next day came and I had Super Bowl cake for the Super Bowl. Then Monday arrived and I could almost put weight on the entire foot. I returned to work although I only worked half a day. On Tuesday I worked a little longer and Wednesday longer still. Now here I am on Thursday working a full day and I can almost walk like a normal person again and best of all, I feel great internally! I can’t wait to go out for a nice long walk but at the same time, I’m being smart about this. I’m going to bus to and from work for at least a week to give it more time and I promise no more angry snow marching, especially if something hurts. My message to all of you is not to take things for granted because you never know what can happen. I realize no one lives their life this way. If we took nothing for granted we’d probably have to change a lot of things in our lives. I get that. What I’m saying is try to take a moment each day, reflect on what you have, appreciate it and try not to take the good things for granted, especially the love, the generosity and the kindness. As I look back on this whole ordeal my strongest memory of it by far is the kindness of an amazing woman. To be treated so thoughtfully and wonderfully, it was almost worth getting hurt… well almost. ;)
Live, Love, Laugh and Give!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
My Super Bowl Report (2-6-11)
My Super Bowl Report (2-6-11)
By Edwin R. Gomez
It’s 6pm and I have my dinner in front of me, a Pepsi and the remote control although I don’t expect to use it much as it’s time for the Super Bowl and that means great football action and 3 million dollar commercials. This will be my running blog. My sprained ankle is feeling well enough to let me sit at the computer for this one.
6:20- The game hasn’t started yet and I finished my dinner. It was a catch 22. I knew the game wouldn’t get started until 6:30ish but I also knew that with a bad ankle you need to make efficient trips around the house and if I went to the kitchen and got the food together around 6:20 I’d stand to miss valuable commercials and festivities. In hindsight I didn’t miss much as Lea Michelle’s version of God Bless America was kinda cheesy to me but hey, I’m not a Glee fan… that is the show she’s on right? Plus Christina Aguilera’s National Anthem didn’t have a good flow to it. We know you can sing Christina; you can tone it down with the American Idol embellishments at the end of every line. You’ve proven you have the chops years ago. It was a good effort on her part but I just found it boring and forced. My favorite part of the pregame stuff was Sam Elliott narrating the intros for each team before they ran on the field. That made me a little misty but I’m not sure if that was due to my love of football or my love of Road House.
6:35- After all the pregame buildup and excitement the Steelers go a quick 3 and out. In fact they didn’t even gain a yard on that series of plays but of course as I write this Green Bay muffs the punt and the excitement level increases even though Green Bay recovered it.
6:40- I was about to comment on how Green Bay gained only 1 yard on their first offensive series but then Aaron Rodgers throws a beautiful pass to Donald Driver for a big 1st First down of the game. It makes sense. If you need to get somewhere, go with a guy named Driver. I’ll be here all game.
6:42- Buffalo note. For those of you who aren’t big football fans but like local guys gone good stories, Green Bay running back James Starks is only 1 year removed from a wonderful career at the University at Buffalo. More than that, he’s from Niagara Falls, NY so he truly is a local guy all around. I’m rooting for him to do well while I root for the Steelers to win but more on than later.
6:46 – Pittsburgh running back Rashard Mendenhall wants it. He wants it so bad he’s running out of his shoes. I love Mendenhall because he was the best running back on my fantasy football team this season. It wasn’t enough to get me the title but I did take 2nd place due in large part to him and Michael Vick.
6:49- Most of the week I heard sports analysts and former players talking about the value of having Super Bowl experience. Big Ben has won it twice and Aaron Rodgers has never been to the big game but so far Big Ben looks more nervous and it shows in his throws as he’s been sailing many of them over his receivers. He may also be a little too pumped up and when that happens with a powerful quarterback, they’ll have a tendency to overthrow.
6:51- I will also comment on commercials throughout this running blog as I’m compiling a list of my favorites and least favorites.
7:00- As I was talking about a little while ago Aaron Rodgers is dialed in as he throws a laser to Jordy Nelson for the 1st touchdown of the game. Big Ben had better get it going and start throwing with more accuracy. You do not want to fall too far behind a team with Green Bay’s pass rush.
7:05 – I knew I’d have many holy crap moments during the game that were not related to the game and I’ve already had two. The first was that Doritos commercial where the guy sucks the Doritos residue off his co-workers’ finger and then off of another co-workers pants when he wipes his Doritos stained hands on them. That made me stop and blink many times. The 2nd was the trailer for Cowboys and Aliens. What the freak is that piece of garbage? It has Harrison Ford and Olivia Wilde too, 2 actors I like but Cowboys and Aliens?
7:07 – Big Ben and the Steelers gamble by trying a bomb despite starting deep in their own territory. The ball was underthrown by 10 yards and it’s now 14-0 Packers after the pick six by Nick Collins. I think the Steelers need to run the ball more. Mendenhall looked good when they ran him earlier. They need to have a sustained drive that leads to points before this gets out of hand.
7:15 - How awesome was that last 2 minutes? Big Ben slips and hurts his knee and he's flexing it in the huddle and looks like he is having difficulty but then on the very next play runs for a huge first down gain which was probably the Steelers best offensive play yet. While he isn't always put in the same category with the Tom Bradys, Peyton Mannings and best in the game due to stats and his unconventional style, he ranks among the league's elite quarterbacks in toughness and guts which isn't something you'll find statistics on. Plus it endears him to the fanbase and makes him a well liked player despite his personal shortcomings and off the field indiscretions.
7:24 - Well it's not 7 points but 3 points and having that sustained drive that showed some life was just about what the doctor ordered. The long drive puts a halt to the growing momentum the Packers were generating and it gives the Steelers defense a chance to regroup on the sideline. Plus it gives the Steelers offense some confidence going forward which is very important. The next step is keeping the Packers in check on their drive and they could be right back in this game.
7:40 – For the record, I’ve never liked the Fox Robot graphic that they have on all their football broadcasts. What does a robot have to do with football?
7:45- After Big Ben's 2nd interception of the game, the Packers are in position to score right before the half and put Pittsburgh in quite the strangehold going into the lockerrooms. As I type this Rodgers throws another laser and it's 21-3. The only good thing about that score if you are rooting for the Steelers is that they scored so fast and left the Steelers a LOT of time to respond. Of course the Steelers haven't been able to find the end zone yet and another field goal just won't do it. Pittsburgh needs seven here!
7:56 – That’s what I’m talking about! Big Ben started to find his old buddy Hines Ward and right down the field they went. With 2 members of the Packers starting secondary injured, the Steelers passing game seemingly becomes very dangerous especially if those 2 guys are out for the duration of the game. With a 32 minute halftime instead of a 15 minute one, that’s plenty of time for sore or mildly injured players to shake it off, take some painkillers, get a shot and jump back into the fray. While I am rooting for the Steelers, I’m also rooting for a close game that goes down to the end. With Pittsburgh doing what they did a moment ago that becomes a little more likely.
8:01- I've heard that Katy Perry song 5 times now during the first 2 hours of the Super Bowl whether it's in commercials, highlight packages or on the stadium PA. That's 3 more times than I had ever heard it in my life prior to 6pm. I'm not thrilled about this.
8:20- Black Eyed Peas with a little help from Usher and Slash, not bad at all although I think the audio coming through could have been better, anyway it sure beats the hell out of watching a 60-something year old 110 pound man in tight jeans strutting and gyrating his pelvis for 15 minutes. I didn’t realize they had so many hits until I recognized every song they did in their Super Bowl medley.
8:30- This is probably a good time to explain why I’m rooting for the Steelers. As the big game approached I didn’t really care who won. On one hand I used to date a Bears fan and the Bears and Packers are bitter rivals so I began to hate the Packers because she did. I know, cute. Even though she’s gone that dislike for the Pack is still in the back of my mind. With Pittsburgh I love their coach, Troy Polamalu, Mendenhall and Pittsburgh is a rust belt city like Buffalo. Unfortunately what Big Ben did in the offseason when he was investigated for sexual assault irked me and although he was not charged, he still served a 4 game suspension from the league under their personal conduct policy which leads me to believe he was involved in a borderline situation at best, which can’t be good. So I didn’t want some near rapist winning either. Now, Ben apologized and promised changes in his life which he’s been good on delivering since then but still. So I couldn’t decide. Then yesterday happened and a beautiful Steelers fan (at least for today) brought me a lovely Steelers cake. Being a guy who loves food and beauty, if a foxy female brings me food I could probably be made to do anything they want. So hear I am rooting for the Black and Yellow. Now that I’ve revealed my weakness… moving on
8:42- I love how the Steelers have not panicked despite being down by 11. They ran the ball heavily like they have plenty of time to chip away at that lead and they do. Now it’s a 4 point game and for the first time since the 1st quarter I feel like it’s anybody’s game.
8:49- Whatever adjustments the Steelers made at halftime are working great as the Packers look overmatched at the moment. There's still a lot of game left so that could change in a blink but the fact of the matter is the Packers led 21-3 and now the Steelers could take the lead with another touchdown. The Steelers need to take advantage of this tidal wave of momentum they've generated and the Packers need a big play to turn the tide. Yeah I plan to use a few more nautical inspired metaphors before the night is through.
9:01- What I didn't like as much about this Steelers drive is that they didn't run the ball much. They went for the haymaker, the big one, instead of continuing what was wildly successful a drive earlier and it cost them as they had to try a very long field goal with a kicker who hasn't made a straight kick all night and nearly missed an extra point earlier in the quarter. The miss gives the Packers the ball back in great field postiion and serves them the opportunity to take back the game on a silver platter. I say if the other team can't stop something you are doing, keep doing it until they can. The Steelers kind of abandoned the run and I think it was a bad decision.
9:08- Okay the Packers didn't make the Steelers pay and had to punt it back to them. My advice: give the ball to Mendenhall!
9:15- Packers coach Mike McCarthy figures they have 3 timeouts and Pittsburgh only has 1 left so why not blow one on a useless challenge that won't go the Packers way. The next 2 minutes while the referee reviews this is potty time! I'll come back and Green Bay will still be punting to the Steelers.
9:24- My give the ball to Mendenhall advice is not looking so good right now after that fumble. In my defense, those 2 guys blew their blocks and allowed him to get destroyed by the defense there. But a man can admit when he is wrong and I was wrong. This is why I’m not an NFL coach… that and my exorbitant salary demands.
9:31- That’s championship football. A team messes up and the other team makes them pay. This drive is where the quality of Aaron Rodgers came through and he’s making his candidacy for the game MVP award. He looked as steady and comfortable as a top surgeon at the operating table. Now Big Ben has to answer or its curtains for the Steel curtain.
9:42- Hines Ward = Mr. Dependable.
9:46- You know how I was talking about championship football a moment ago. Well when one team messes up the other team makes them pay, we’ve covered that. Another aspect of championship football is answering when the other team beats you up and scores. You get right up and score in kind. Pittsburgh came right back and answered the Packers score with one of their own and closed the gap to 3. In the last 5 minutes each team has demonstrated a characteristic of a championship football team, that’s probably why these 2 teams are the champions of their respective conferences. Who will be the champion of the whole league though? This has been a great game so far and the ending is looking like it will be just as great.
10:06- If you are a football fan and the Super Bowl comes down to the last minute, that a great game and this game lived up to the hype. The teams were almost equal and until that last Pittsburgh drive I had no idea who’d win. The bottom line is that the Packers made one or more big plays than the Steelers did and in a closely contested affair, that usually makes the difference. Congrats to Packers fans and my condolences to Steelers fans. At least you’ve won 2 in the last 6 years already.
10:20- My last post will cover the Best and Worst commercials, or at least in my opinion:
The Best:
-Bridgestone: A man avoids hitting a beaver in the middle of the road and then some time later the beaver returns the favor by chopping down a tree in front of the same man’s car making him hit the brakes before running into certain disaster a little further down the road.
-Star Wars car commercial: A Kid dressed as Darth Vader tries to use the force
-House: In a parody of the old Coca Cola Mean Joe Greene commercial, House “canes” a kid.
-NFL commercial featuring classic sitcoms: Very creative spot featuring classic tv characters wearing NFL gear, although Kramer was the only person wearing Bills gear. So the Bills get the crazy racist guy.
-Coke and Pepsi: The cola giants put out entertaining spots where I couldn’t predict what would happen and after each spot I felt thirsty… especially after the Pepsi ones.
The Worst:
-AT & T: Not a new commercial but one I can’t stand where the guy has the most obnoxious laugh I’ve ever heard as he gets the funny video before any of his co-workers in the car.
-Doritos: When co-workers attack! A guy loves Doritos so much he sucks the orange residue off his colleague’s fingers and pants.
-Bud Light: Once again Bud and Bud Light put out the most money and the worst commercials for the worst beer.
-E-Trade: Enough with the E-trade baby. It was funny the first time and that was 8 commercials ago. That baby is played and when the commercials come on I find it’s an excellent time to test the batteries on my remote control.
-Movie Trailers: I saw trailers for some of the worst looking movies during the game. I can’t even remember them all but some were sequels, some were remakes, others adaptations and the few seemingly original ideas I saw looked beyond bad (Cowboys & Aliens).
So there you have it. The Super Bowl through my eyes.
By Edwin R. Gomez
It’s 6pm and I have my dinner in front of me, a Pepsi and the remote control although I don’t expect to use it much as it’s time for the Super Bowl and that means great football action and 3 million dollar commercials. This will be my running blog. My sprained ankle is feeling well enough to let me sit at the computer for this one.
6:20- The game hasn’t started yet and I finished my dinner. It was a catch 22. I knew the game wouldn’t get started until 6:30ish but I also knew that with a bad ankle you need to make efficient trips around the house and if I went to the kitchen and got the food together around 6:20 I’d stand to miss valuable commercials and festivities. In hindsight I didn’t miss much as Lea Michelle’s version of God Bless America was kinda cheesy to me but hey, I’m not a Glee fan… that is the show she’s on right? Plus Christina Aguilera’s National Anthem didn’t have a good flow to it. We know you can sing Christina; you can tone it down with the American Idol embellishments at the end of every line. You’ve proven you have the chops years ago. It was a good effort on her part but I just found it boring and forced. My favorite part of the pregame stuff was Sam Elliott narrating the intros for each team before they ran on the field. That made me a little misty but I’m not sure if that was due to my love of football or my love of Road House.
6:35- After all the pregame buildup and excitement the Steelers go a quick 3 and out. In fact they didn’t even gain a yard on that series of plays but of course as I write this Green Bay muffs the punt and the excitement level increases even though Green Bay recovered it.
6:40- I was about to comment on how Green Bay gained only 1 yard on their first offensive series but then Aaron Rodgers throws a beautiful pass to Donald Driver for a big 1st First down of the game. It makes sense. If you need to get somewhere, go with a guy named Driver. I’ll be here all game.
6:42- Buffalo note. For those of you who aren’t big football fans but like local guys gone good stories, Green Bay running back James Starks is only 1 year removed from a wonderful career at the University at Buffalo. More than that, he’s from Niagara Falls, NY so he truly is a local guy all around. I’m rooting for him to do well while I root for the Steelers to win but more on than later.
6:46 – Pittsburgh running back Rashard Mendenhall wants it. He wants it so bad he’s running out of his shoes. I love Mendenhall because he was the best running back on my fantasy football team this season. It wasn’t enough to get me the title but I did take 2nd place due in large part to him and Michael Vick.
6:49- Most of the week I heard sports analysts and former players talking about the value of having Super Bowl experience. Big Ben has won it twice and Aaron Rodgers has never been to the big game but so far Big Ben looks more nervous and it shows in his throws as he’s been sailing many of them over his receivers. He may also be a little too pumped up and when that happens with a powerful quarterback, they’ll have a tendency to overthrow.
6:51- I will also comment on commercials throughout this running blog as I’m compiling a list of my favorites and least favorites.
7:00- As I was talking about a little while ago Aaron Rodgers is dialed in as he throws a laser to Jordy Nelson for the 1st touchdown of the game. Big Ben had better get it going and start throwing with more accuracy. You do not want to fall too far behind a team with Green Bay’s pass rush.
7:05 – I knew I’d have many holy crap moments during the game that were not related to the game and I’ve already had two. The first was that Doritos commercial where the guy sucks the Doritos residue off his co-workers’ finger and then off of another co-workers pants when he wipes his Doritos stained hands on them. That made me stop and blink many times. The 2nd was the trailer for Cowboys and Aliens. What the freak is that piece of garbage? It has Harrison Ford and Olivia Wilde too, 2 actors I like but Cowboys and Aliens?
7:07 – Big Ben and the Steelers gamble by trying a bomb despite starting deep in their own territory. The ball was underthrown by 10 yards and it’s now 14-0 Packers after the pick six by Nick Collins. I think the Steelers need to run the ball more. Mendenhall looked good when they ran him earlier. They need to have a sustained drive that leads to points before this gets out of hand.
7:15 - How awesome was that last 2 minutes? Big Ben slips and hurts his knee and he's flexing it in the huddle and looks like he is having difficulty but then on the very next play runs for a huge first down gain which was probably the Steelers best offensive play yet. While he isn't always put in the same category with the Tom Bradys, Peyton Mannings and best in the game due to stats and his unconventional style, he ranks among the league's elite quarterbacks in toughness and guts which isn't something you'll find statistics on. Plus it endears him to the fanbase and makes him a well liked player despite his personal shortcomings and off the field indiscretions.
7:24 - Well it's not 7 points but 3 points and having that sustained drive that showed some life was just about what the doctor ordered. The long drive puts a halt to the growing momentum the Packers were generating and it gives the Steelers defense a chance to regroup on the sideline. Plus it gives the Steelers offense some confidence going forward which is very important. The next step is keeping the Packers in check on their drive and they could be right back in this game.
7:40 – For the record, I’ve never liked the Fox Robot graphic that they have on all their football broadcasts. What does a robot have to do with football?
7:45- After Big Ben's 2nd interception of the game, the Packers are in position to score right before the half and put Pittsburgh in quite the strangehold going into the lockerrooms. As I type this Rodgers throws another laser and it's 21-3. The only good thing about that score if you are rooting for the Steelers is that they scored so fast and left the Steelers a LOT of time to respond. Of course the Steelers haven't been able to find the end zone yet and another field goal just won't do it. Pittsburgh needs seven here!
7:56 – That’s what I’m talking about! Big Ben started to find his old buddy Hines Ward and right down the field they went. With 2 members of the Packers starting secondary injured, the Steelers passing game seemingly becomes very dangerous especially if those 2 guys are out for the duration of the game. With a 32 minute halftime instead of a 15 minute one, that’s plenty of time for sore or mildly injured players to shake it off, take some painkillers, get a shot and jump back into the fray. While I am rooting for the Steelers, I’m also rooting for a close game that goes down to the end. With Pittsburgh doing what they did a moment ago that becomes a little more likely.
8:01- I've heard that Katy Perry song 5 times now during the first 2 hours of the Super Bowl whether it's in commercials, highlight packages or on the stadium PA. That's 3 more times than I had ever heard it in my life prior to 6pm. I'm not thrilled about this.
8:20- Black Eyed Peas with a little help from Usher and Slash, not bad at all although I think the audio coming through could have been better, anyway it sure beats the hell out of watching a 60-something year old 110 pound man in tight jeans strutting and gyrating his pelvis for 15 minutes. I didn’t realize they had so many hits until I recognized every song they did in their Super Bowl medley.
8:30- This is probably a good time to explain why I’m rooting for the Steelers. As the big game approached I didn’t really care who won. On one hand I used to date a Bears fan and the Bears and Packers are bitter rivals so I began to hate the Packers because she did. I know, cute. Even though she’s gone that dislike for the Pack is still in the back of my mind. With Pittsburgh I love their coach, Troy Polamalu, Mendenhall and Pittsburgh is a rust belt city like Buffalo. Unfortunately what Big Ben did in the offseason when he was investigated for sexual assault irked me and although he was not charged, he still served a 4 game suspension from the league under their personal conduct policy which leads me to believe he was involved in a borderline situation at best, which can’t be good. So I didn’t want some near rapist winning either. Now, Ben apologized and promised changes in his life which he’s been good on delivering since then but still. So I couldn’t decide. Then yesterday happened and a beautiful Steelers fan (at least for today) brought me a lovely Steelers cake. Being a guy who loves food and beauty, if a foxy female brings me food I could probably be made to do anything they want. So hear I am rooting for the Black and Yellow. Now that I’ve revealed my weakness… moving on
8:42- I love how the Steelers have not panicked despite being down by 11. They ran the ball heavily like they have plenty of time to chip away at that lead and they do. Now it’s a 4 point game and for the first time since the 1st quarter I feel like it’s anybody’s game.
8:49- Whatever adjustments the Steelers made at halftime are working great as the Packers look overmatched at the moment. There's still a lot of game left so that could change in a blink but the fact of the matter is the Packers led 21-3 and now the Steelers could take the lead with another touchdown. The Steelers need to take advantage of this tidal wave of momentum they've generated and the Packers need a big play to turn the tide. Yeah I plan to use a few more nautical inspired metaphors before the night is through.
9:01- What I didn't like as much about this Steelers drive is that they didn't run the ball much. They went for the haymaker, the big one, instead of continuing what was wildly successful a drive earlier and it cost them as they had to try a very long field goal with a kicker who hasn't made a straight kick all night and nearly missed an extra point earlier in the quarter. The miss gives the Packers the ball back in great field postiion and serves them the opportunity to take back the game on a silver platter. I say if the other team can't stop something you are doing, keep doing it until they can. The Steelers kind of abandoned the run and I think it was a bad decision.
9:08- Okay the Packers didn't make the Steelers pay and had to punt it back to them. My advice: give the ball to Mendenhall!
9:15- Packers coach Mike McCarthy figures they have 3 timeouts and Pittsburgh only has 1 left so why not blow one on a useless challenge that won't go the Packers way. The next 2 minutes while the referee reviews this is potty time! I'll come back and Green Bay will still be punting to the Steelers.
9:24- My give the ball to Mendenhall advice is not looking so good right now after that fumble. In my defense, those 2 guys blew their blocks and allowed him to get destroyed by the defense there. But a man can admit when he is wrong and I was wrong. This is why I’m not an NFL coach… that and my exorbitant salary demands.
9:31- That’s championship football. A team messes up and the other team makes them pay. This drive is where the quality of Aaron Rodgers came through and he’s making his candidacy for the game MVP award. He looked as steady and comfortable as a top surgeon at the operating table. Now Big Ben has to answer or its curtains for the Steel curtain.
9:42- Hines Ward = Mr. Dependable.
9:46- You know how I was talking about championship football a moment ago. Well when one team messes up the other team makes them pay, we’ve covered that. Another aspect of championship football is answering when the other team beats you up and scores. You get right up and score in kind. Pittsburgh came right back and answered the Packers score with one of their own and closed the gap to 3. In the last 5 minutes each team has demonstrated a characteristic of a championship football team, that’s probably why these 2 teams are the champions of their respective conferences. Who will be the champion of the whole league though? This has been a great game so far and the ending is looking like it will be just as great.
10:06- If you are a football fan and the Super Bowl comes down to the last minute, that a great game and this game lived up to the hype. The teams were almost equal and until that last Pittsburgh drive I had no idea who’d win. The bottom line is that the Packers made one or more big plays than the Steelers did and in a closely contested affair, that usually makes the difference. Congrats to Packers fans and my condolences to Steelers fans. At least you’ve won 2 in the last 6 years already.
10:20- My last post will cover the Best and Worst commercials, or at least in my opinion:
The Best:
-Bridgestone: A man avoids hitting a beaver in the middle of the road and then some time later the beaver returns the favor by chopping down a tree in front of the same man’s car making him hit the brakes before running into certain disaster a little further down the road.
-Star Wars car commercial: A Kid dressed as Darth Vader tries to use the force
-House: In a parody of the old Coca Cola Mean Joe Greene commercial, House “canes” a kid.
-NFL commercial featuring classic sitcoms: Very creative spot featuring classic tv characters wearing NFL gear, although Kramer was the only person wearing Bills gear. So the Bills get the crazy racist guy.
-Coke and Pepsi: The cola giants put out entertaining spots where I couldn’t predict what would happen and after each spot I felt thirsty… especially after the Pepsi ones.
The Worst:
-AT & T: Not a new commercial but one I can’t stand where the guy has the most obnoxious laugh I’ve ever heard as he gets the funny video before any of his co-workers in the car.
-Doritos: When co-workers attack! A guy loves Doritos so much he sucks the orange residue off his colleague’s fingers and pants.
-Bud Light: Once again Bud and Bud Light put out the most money and the worst commercials for the worst beer.
-E-Trade: Enough with the E-trade baby. It was funny the first time and that was 8 commercials ago. That baby is played and when the commercials come on I find it’s an excellent time to test the batteries on my remote control.
-Movie Trailers: I saw trailers for some of the worst looking movies during the game. I can’t even remember them all but some were sequels, some were remakes, others adaptations and the few seemingly original ideas I saw looked beyond bad (Cowboys & Aliens).
So there you have it. The Super Bowl through my eyes.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Eddie and the Amazing Single-Colored Trenchcoat (1-26-11)
This story begins on Monday night, January 17th, 2011.
Laundry is an important chore but like many chores you can put it off if something better comes up. That’s one of the great things about being an adult. If you should do laundry but some exciting thing is going on, well, laundry might have to wait a while. If you were a kid and you tried that you might not get dessert! But hey, I’m a big kid and postponing laundry is a common occurrence for me. This is what happened on the day before. Sunday came and went and the fun was had but now Monday arrives with a groan and a chore. I think to myself, well Monday is kind of blah anyway, why not do the laundry right after work?
I hardly ever go out on Monday nights. If I didn’t join a kickball team that played Monday evening games perhaps I never would. The same thing happens each time the calendar hits Monday: I sleep just a little bit late because I stayed up later each night on the weekend and that affected my sleep cycle. I get to work just a little bit later than I’d like to (but thankfully I can show up at any time) and I’m usually just a little bit cranky. I get this way because all the fun is gone and now there’s 5 straight days of work. Yep… I get a case of the Mondays. My time is no longer my own so to speak and it usually takes me until Monday afternoon to mellow out and accept the inevitable and agree to make the most of it.
By the end of the work day on Monday I am exhausted and I can’t wait to get home, throw on the television and put something tasty in my belly. I swear I have less energy on Mondays. Now I had to get my laundry done after getting home and feeling wiped out. I could consider moving it another day and trying to weasel my way out of it by wearing clothes from the depths of drawers and closets that I really don’t like because my favorite stuff is all dirty. I could do that but also being an adult is being responsible and knowing when things have to get done. I had my fun yesterday and now I must pay the price for postponing chores. I knew I’d be tired. I knew I wouldn’t want to lug my growing laundry bag the 7 blocks but I knew that I’d know, so knowing that I knew that I’d still do it anyway… know what I mean?
So I saddled up and tracked down the dryer sheets when my cell rang. It was my friend. He was wondering if I wanted to get some coffee and chat. Well now I had a dilemma. I want to do that but I HAD to do laundry. Thankfully the Laundromat I go to is only a few buildings away from Spot coffee. A fun compromise! My friend agrees and he volunteers to pick me up which I gladly accept.
Strangely my energy level picks up a bit and my mind starts going. I think, well if I have a ride there I should bring more stuff! So I grab a 2nd bag and I fill it with things I wasn’t quite ready to wash yet but could use a good cleaning. I grabbed my sheets, some towels, a jacket, some jacket liners and my black trenchcoat. There’s no way I would have been able to carry 2 full bags of laundry to and from so I’m feeling good about this evening and my energy levels are way up on a Monday… fascinating.
We get there, I drop my clothes in a few washers and we go to Spot to have that coffee. I buy my friend whatever he wants and then I get some weird decaf Latte that looked more interesting to me than the others on the menu. We find a table and sit down. We talk about women. I talk about my lack of them and he talks about some that he’s interested in. The conversation moves around and I find out my friend has quit smoking again that very day! I told him that he’s had a lot of practice quitting so he should do well this time.
After about a half hour sipping and dishing we walk back over so I can transfer my clothes to the dryers. With so many clothes and in addition so many odd items and delicates I actually had to use 7 dryers! We continue our conversation in front of the dryers as it is too cold to go outside onto Elmwood and do it there and Spot was so 10 minutes ago. The topics shift from music to memories to personal philosophies. Since I’m having a conversation with one of my oldest friends, we can talk about nearly anything which I appreciate. While I’m babbling away I do have to keep my attention on 7 dryers as some are set for different amounts of time, different fabrics, etc. Some things are ready, others need more time so I combine things or toss pieces into other dryers that still have more time on them.
As we keep chatting and little by little clothing finds their way from the dryers to my bags I realize that it’s getting late. It’s already after 9 and I can see my friend is winding down and getting a little tired. Instead of convincing him to have another coffee I try to get things done as quickly as I can. He’s not complaining nor would he but I still feel like I should hurry and not take advantage of his generosity. In a few cases I just grabbed a pair of jeans or a sweater that were still a little damp and threw them into my bag figuring that I can just hang them up when I get home and they’ll be dry in no time.
I pack up everything and we leave. I thank my friend for the ride and he thanks me for the conversation and then I head inside and plop my bags of laundry on the floor. I take things out and group them together in piles. Socks will go over here. T-shirts will go over there. Slacks will be folded and placed here. I make sure the wet clothes are hung somewhere to dry immediately and then I go to the kitchen. It was almost 9:30 and I hadn’t even eaten yet! The piles of clothes would have to wait.
After dinner and some light reading it was after 10 and I still had to put clothes away so I did it as quickly and nicely as I could. The fatigue of another Monday was bearing down on me and I had a feeling I wouldn’t be awake much longer. I got cozy in front of the television and spent the rest of my awake time not thinking too much or too hard. One of the last things I remember thinking was that I was thrilled to be sleeping on freshly cleaned sheets.
The next morning I wake up and collect the remaining clothes hanging up around my apartment. Everything is dry but the problem with hanging stuff up to dry is that they become a little stiff. Even folding them feels a little different when they dry this way, but at least they are dry and ready to be put away. As I fold and find places to put them something doesn’t seem right. Do I have everything from last night? It felt like something was missing.
As I was getting ready for work my mind jumped to other thoughts and before I knew it I was sitting at my desk at work when it hit me: where is my black trenchcoat? It’s a thought that would not leave my mind that whole work day. I couldn’t remember if I threw in it either of my bags. I wasn’t even sure if I took it out of the dryer it was in. Could I have been so absent minded? That wasn’t like me. I’m generally quite aware of my surroundings and what I am doing, especially when I am performing a task. Was this my first “senior” moment? Is it a sign of things to come in 20-30 years?
When I left work that evening I was certain I left it in the dryer but I had to stop at home first to double check that I hadn’t put it away and forgotten. After an unsuccessful 5 minute sweep of my apartment I was back on the streets again making my way towards the Laundromat. Normally I’d say it takes 15 minutes to walk there from my place but on this night I made it there in just over 10. When I walked through the first door I felt a wave of comfort come over me because the girl behind the counter was the same one from the night before. She would have found my coat and stored it. They have a lost and found box but it’s small and is primarily for socks and undies. Behind the counter there’s a secret room, shelving, racks and tons of other places where my coat could have been kept overnight.
I forced a quick smile and hello and I get right to it. I describe the coat and even tell her which dryer I left it in. Her face went blank as I was reeling all this off. What does she know? With a confused look she frowned and said that she didn’t have it. She turned around and checked this 7 foot shelf directly behind her. I don’t think she was 5 feet tall so she could hardly reach the top 2 shelves but there was hardly anything on them let alone my coat. Again with a sad face she told me she didn’t have it nor did she see it. I asked her if I could check the dryer it was in. She told me that she checks them at the end of each night and she didn’t see it last night but if I wanted to check for myself I could.
I walked back there hoping beyond hope with my heart but my mind knew what was going to happen. It was just like me to hope for one thing with my heart and know the other was true with my mind. I looked into the empty dryer feeling worse than I had felt in a long time. I looked into the surrounding dryers just in case I forgot which one it was in but all of those were cold, dark and empty as well. I put my gloves back on and dreaded the walk home in the cold. When I made the walk down the adrenaline shooting through me made me 5 minutes faster and 20 degrees warmer. Now on the walk home it took me 20 minutes instead of the 15 and I was freezing throughout.
At least I had closure. Obviously, some person took it out of the dryer and took it with them. That burned me up. I hate injustice and immorality and when it affects me directly I get doubly hateful. Why would someone steal that coat? It wasn’t theirs!
That coat had been with me for a very long time. I think I had it for at least 12 years and maybe as many as 15. From the moment I brought it home it became my favorite coat. Because of how nice it was it wasn’t something I could wear just anywhere so it became something I wore for special occasions and when I wanted to look really nice. That coat was worn for weddings, funerals, dates, job interviews, fancy dinners and who knows what else. It accompanied me to Chicago, Toronto, New York City and other places I visited over the years. I loved that coat but I swear it loved me right back. From the time I bought it all those years ago until now I’ve gradually gained about 60-70 pounds and it’s seemed the coat had grown with me. It never stopped fitting me comfortably. That’s love. When I sat down that night I thought long and hard about all the good times I had with that coat. I felt better for the time being.
After a few days I began to think about a replacement coat. I didn’t need one but I wanted to have a nice coat in my life. Maybe it was a similar dynamic to when a child has a goldfish and it dies and so the parent gets them another goldfish. It wouldn’t be the same at first but maybe in time, I could learn to love the new coat like the old one. I didn’t like the thought of it though. I think when I looked on eBay for a similar coat I was looking as much to see if the bastard who stole mine was trying to sell it as I was looking for a new one to buy.
The weekend hit and I could have done laundry but I chose to do other things. I planned to go Monday night but I worked a long day and was fatigued. Last night was supposed to be the new night but I worked until close to 7 and then I remembered that the Sabres game was on and with the all star break coming up this weekend, it was the last Sabres game until next Friday. I had to watch and root on the fellas. I came to the decision I’d go first thing this morning.
The bag was fuller than it would have been if I had gone on Sunday or Monday but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I trudged my way through thick, slushy sidewalks that slowed my walk down to about 20 minutes. When I walked through the door the nice older lady was there. She was always friendly and she actually reminded me a little of my mom. She had a similar look and talked a lot like her. Plus she had a daughter either pre teen or early teens who reminds me of my younger sister at that age. As the woman recognized me she did something my mom could often do, she made me feel wonderful inside.
She asked: “Did you leave a long coat here?” It had been 9 days since it happened and I had completely given up on the coat. I couldn’t speak for a few seconds but then I replied “Yes, long black trenchcoat, London Fog, I forgot it in the dryer a week ago but the girl said that it was gone. She said she looked that night and it was gone.” Could it be, was I about to be reunited with it? The woman smiled as she said “I saw it in the dryer the next morning and took it out. I couldn’t put it in the lost and found box because sometimes homeless people come in and steal socks from it and they would have taken it fast.” She told me it was on the top of the shelf behind her. It was that same 7 foot shelf the girl looked on the day I came looking for it. The woman grabbed a bag from the front of the top shelf and then requested my help grabbing my coat from the back of the top shelf. I reached up there and pulled it down and suddenly it was mine again.
I thanked her profusely and she was happy to help. I ran across the street to buy my green tea that I had just run out of and was a secondary mission on my trip to do laundry. Then I returned to the Laundromat and gave her the $12 I had left after the tea and what I would need for the laundry. I told her how much I appreciated it and she was elated that I would give her some cash for her just doing her job. Well we all know that her job doesn’t require saving clothes that knuckleheads forgot to take with them. They have signs all over saying you shouldn’t leave your things unattended. I would have given her more money if I had it on me but I just brought a twenty for laundry and green tea. When I left the Laundromat she was so happy that her good deed was rewarded. I was so happy to be reunited with my old friend. This weekend will bring a few activities to get me out of my house and guess what I’ll be wearing.
Laundry is an important chore but like many chores you can put it off if something better comes up. That’s one of the great things about being an adult. If you should do laundry but some exciting thing is going on, well, laundry might have to wait a while. If you were a kid and you tried that you might not get dessert! But hey, I’m a big kid and postponing laundry is a common occurrence for me. This is what happened on the day before. Sunday came and went and the fun was had but now Monday arrives with a groan and a chore. I think to myself, well Monday is kind of blah anyway, why not do the laundry right after work?
I hardly ever go out on Monday nights. If I didn’t join a kickball team that played Monday evening games perhaps I never would. The same thing happens each time the calendar hits Monday: I sleep just a little bit late because I stayed up later each night on the weekend and that affected my sleep cycle. I get to work just a little bit later than I’d like to (but thankfully I can show up at any time) and I’m usually just a little bit cranky. I get this way because all the fun is gone and now there’s 5 straight days of work. Yep… I get a case of the Mondays. My time is no longer my own so to speak and it usually takes me until Monday afternoon to mellow out and accept the inevitable and agree to make the most of it.
By the end of the work day on Monday I am exhausted and I can’t wait to get home, throw on the television and put something tasty in my belly. I swear I have less energy on Mondays. Now I had to get my laundry done after getting home and feeling wiped out. I could consider moving it another day and trying to weasel my way out of it by wearing clothes from the depths of drawers and closets that I really don’t like because my favorite stuff is all dirty. I could do that but also being an adult is being responsible and knowing when things have to get done. I had my fun yesterday and now I must pay the price for postponing chores. I knew I’d be tired. I knew I wouldn’t want to lug my growing laundry bag the 7 blocks but I knew that I’d know, so knowing that I knew that I’d still do it anyway… know what I mean?
So I saddled up and tracked down the dryer sheets when my cell rang. It was my friend. He was wondering if I wanted to get some coffee and chat. Well now I had a dilemma. I want to do that but I HAD to do laundry. Thankfully the Laundromat I go to is only a few buildings away from Spot coffee. A fun compromise! My friend agrees and he volunteers to pick me up which I gladly accept.
Strangely my energy level picks up a bit and my mind starts going. I think, well if I have a ride there I should bring more stuff! So I grab a 2nd bag and I fill it with things I wasn’t quite ready to wash yet but could use a good cleaning. I grabbed my sheets, some towels, a jacket, some jacket liners and my black trenchcoat. There’s no way I would have been able to carry 2 full bags of laundry to and from so I’m feeling good about this evening and my energy levels are way up on a Monday… fascinating.
We get there, I drop my clothes in a few washers and we go to Spot to have that coffee. I buy my friend whatever he wants and then I get some weird decaf Latte that looked more interesting to me than the others on the menu. We find a table and sit down. We talk about women. I talk about my lack of them and he talks about some that he’s interested in. The conversation moves around and I find out my friend has quit smoking again that very day! I told him that he’s had a lot of practice quitting so he should do well this time.
After about a half hour sipping and dishing we walk back over so I can transfer my clothes to the dryers. With so many clothes and in addition so many odd items and delicates I actually had to use 7 dryers! We continue our conversation in front of the dryers as it is too cold to go outside onto Elmwood and do it there and Spot was so 10 minutes ago. The topics shift from music to memories to personal philosophies. Since I’m having a conversation with one of my oldest friends, we can talk about nearly anything which I appreciate. While I’m babbling away I do have to keep my attention on 7 dryers as some are set for different amounts of time, different fabrics, etc. Some things are ready, others need more time so I combine things or toss pieces into other dryers that still have more time on them.
As we keep chatting and little by little clothing finds their way from the dryers to my bags I realize that it’s getting late. It’s already after 9 and I can see my friend is winding down and getting a little tired. Instead of convincing him to have another coffee I try to get things done as quickly as I can. He’s not complaining nor would he but I still feel like I should hurry and not take advantage of his generosity. In a few cases I just grabbed a pair of jeans or a sweater that were still a little damp and threw them into my bag figuring that I can just hang them up when I get home and they’ll be dry in no time.
I pack up everything and we leave. I thank my friend for the ride and he thanks me for the conversation and then I head inside and plop my bags of laundry on the floor. I take things out and group them together in piles. Socks will go over here. T-shirts will go over there. Slacks will be folded and placed here. I make sure the wet clothes are hung somewhere to dry immediately and then I go to the kitchen. It was almost 9:30 and I hadn’t even eaten yet! The piles of clothes would have to wait.
After dinner and some light reading it was after 10 and I still had to put clothes away so I did it as quickly and nicely as I could. The fatigue of another Monday was bearing down on me and I had a feeling I wouldn’t be awake much longer. I got cozy in front of the television and spent the rest of my awake time not thinking too much or too hard. One of the last things I remember thinking was that I was thrilled to be sleeping on freshly cleaned sheets.
The next morning I wake up and collect the remaining clothes hanging up around my apartment. Everything is dry but the problem with hanging stuff up to dry is that they become a little stiff. Even folding them feels a little different when they dry this way, but at least they are dry and ready to be put away. As I fold and find places to put them something doesn’t seem right. Do I have everything from last night? It felt like something was missing.
As I was getting ready for work my mind jumped to other thoughts and before I knew it I was sitting at my desk at work when it hit me: where is my black trenchcoat? It’s a thought that would not leave my mind that whole work day. I couldn’t remember if I threw in it either of my bags. I wasn’t even sure if I took it out of the dryer it was in. Could I have been so absent minded? That wasn’t like me. I’m generally quite aware of my surroundings and what I am doing, especially when I am performing a task. Was this my first “senior” moment? Is it a sign of things to come in 20-30 years?
When I left work that evening I was certain I left it in the dryer but I had to stop at home first to double check that I hadn’t put it away and forgotten. After an unsuccessful 5 minute sweep of my apartment I was back on the streets again making my way towards the Laundromat. Normally I’d say it takes 15 minutes to walk there from my place but on this night I made it there in just over 10. When I walked through the first door I felt a wave of comfort come over me because the girl behind the counter was the same one from the night before. She would have found my coat and stored it. They have a lost and found box but it’s small and is primarily for socks and undies. Behind the counter there’s a secret room, shelving, racks and tons of other places where my coat could have been kept overnight.
I forced a quick smile and hello and I get right to it. I describe the coat and even tell her which dryer I left it in. Her face went blank as I was reeling all this off. What does she know? With a confused look she frowned and said that she didn’t have it. She turned around and checked this 7 foot shelf directly behind her. I don’t think she was 5 feet tall so she could hardly reach the top 2 shelves but there was hardly anything on them let alone my coat. Again with a sad face she told me she didn’t have it nor did she see it. I asked her if I could check the dryer it was in. She told me that she checks them at the end of each night and she didn’t see it last night but if I wanted to check for myself I could.
I walked back there hoping beyond hope with my heart but my mind knew what was going to happen. It was just like me to hope for one thing with my heart and know the other was true with my mind. I looked into the empty dryer feeling worse than I had felt in a long time. I looked into the surrounding dryers just in case I forgot which one it was in but all of those were cold, dark and empty as well. I put my gloves back on and dreaded the walk home in the cold. When I made the walk down the adrenaline shooting through me made me 5 minutes faster and 20 degrees warmer. Now on the walk home it took me 20 minutes instead of the 15 and I was freezing throughout.
At least I had closure. Obviously, some person took it out of the dryer and took it with them. That burned me up. I hate injustice and immorality and when it affects me directly I get doubly hateful. Why would someone steal that coat? It wasn’t theirs!
That coat had been with me for a very long time. I think I had it for at least 12 years and maybe as many as 15. From the moment I brought it home it became my favorite coat. Because of how nice it was it wasn’t something I could wear just anywhere so it became something I wore for special occasions and when I wanted to look really nice. That coat was worn for weddings, funerals, dates, job interviews, fancy dinners and who knows what else. It accompanied me to Chicago, Toronto, New York City and other places I visited over the years. I loved that coat but I swear it loved me right back. From the time I bought it all those years ago until now I’ve gradually gained about 60-70 pounds and it’s seemed the coat had grown with me. It never stopped fitting me comfortably. That’s love. When I sat down that night I thought long and hard about all the good times I had with that coat. I felt better for the time being.
After a few days I began to think about a replacement coat. I didn’t need one but I wanted to have a nice coat in my life. Maybe it was a similar dynamic to when a child has a goldfish and it dies and so the parent gets them another goldfish. It wouldn’t be the same at first but maybe in time, I could learn to love the new coat like the old one. I didn’t like the thought of it though. I think when I looked on eBay for a similar coat I was looking as much to see if the bastard who stole mine was trying to sell it as I was looking for a new one to buy.
The weekend hit and I could have done laundry but I chose to do other things. I planned to go Monday night but I worked a long day and was fatigued. Last night was supposed to be the new night but I worked until close to 7 and then I remembered that the Sabres game was on and with the all star break coming up this weekend, it was the last Sabres game until next Friday. I had to watch and root on the fellas. I came to the decision I’d go first thing this morning.
The bag was fuller than it would have been if I had gone on Sunday or Monday but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I trudged my way through thick, slushy sidewalks that slowed my walk down to about 20 minutes. When I walked through the door the nice older lady was there. She was always friendly and she actually reminded me a little of my mom. She had a similar look and talked a lot like her. Plus she had a daughter either pre teen or early teens who reminds me of my younger sister at that age. As the woman recognized me she did something my mom could often do, she made me feel wonderful inside.
She asked: “Did you leave a long coat here?” It had been 9 days since it happened and I had completely given up on the coat. I couldn’t speak for a few seconds but then I replied “Yes, long black trenchcoat, London Fog, I forgot it in the dryer a week ago but the girl said that it was gone. She said she looked that night and it was gone.” Could it be, was I about to be reunited with it? The woman smiled as she said “I saw it in the dryer the next morning and took it out. I couldn’t put it in the lost and found box because sometimes homeless people come in and steal socks from it and they would have taken it fast.” She told me it was on the top of the shelf behind her. It was that same 7 foot shelf the girl looked on the day I came looking for it. The woman grabbed a bag from the front of the top shelf and then requested my help grabbing my coat from the back of the top shelf. I reached up there and pulled it down and suddenly it was mine again.
I thanked her profusely and she was happy to help. I ran across the street to buy my green tea that I had just run out of and was a secondary mission on my trip to do laundry. Then I returned to the Laundromat and gave her the $12 I had left after the tea and what I would need for the laundry. I told her how much I appreciated it and she was elated that I would give her some cash for her just doing her job. Well we all know that her job doesn’t require saving clothes that knuckleheads forgot to take with them. They have signs all over saying you shouldn’t leave your things unattended. I would have given her more money if I had it on me but I just brought a twenty for laundry and green tea. When I left the Laundromat she was so happy that her good deed was rewarded. I was so happy to be reunited with my old friend. This weekend will bring a few activities to get me out of my house and guess what I’ll be wearing.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Is that all there is? (1-25-11)
I haven’t blogged in forever it seems and this was mostly due to my blog project where I wrote 70-something of them in 70-something days back in the fall. I was blogged out. That was quite an exposure of my thoughts. I guess I felt the need to pull back a bit and stop talking/sharing. Plus I said a lot of things during that time and while I have no doubt I could write a blog everyday or every other day if I had to, I don’t always want to. I had run out of things to say so to speak.
Well now I am back and I plan to blog semi-regularly again. I need to do it because I hate being quiet when there’s a perceived injustice out there and more than that when I go through rough times the best way for me to purge my system of negative thoughts and emotions is to let them out. Blogging has become a necessary release for me and unlike keeping a simple journal, posting my thoughts, opinions and ideas online gives me the occasional chance to get feedback on them, which is sometimes very helpful although admittedly I do have to watch my words as well.
During this week there’s been something gnawing away at me. Actually I think it started last week but I’m really feeling it this week. I don’t know if I just have a nasty case of the winter blues but I am really hating my life lately. I’m terribly bored and I feel like I need some sparks to get to the fires burning inside of me again. That’s part of the reason why I’m writing. I’m trying to be proactive. I’m trying to create some sparks.
Maybe this happens every winter but right now I’m sick and tired of everything. I’m certainly sick of the weather but it’s more than that. I’m sick of the same old food. I’m sick of the same old job. I’m sick of talking to the people at work. I’m sick of my same old clothes. I’m sick of the same old empty apartment. Yeah, that’s the one. I’m very lonely. It’s not a surprise being that I haven’t had a really serious relationship in about 8 years and it’s also not a surprise considering I am an INFJ personality.
“INFJs also need to be wary of becoming overly absorbed in their moods and emotions, tempering their romantic ideals and fantasies with committed action in the outside world. Though self-concern and self-analysis have their place, if comprising the sole focus, INFJs can start to feel isolated, lonely, and disconnected from the sources of meaning and vitality outside themselves.”
I’m trying not to get completely absorbed in my emotions but its difficult because that’s all there is. I go out once or twice a week with friends and I have a good time but those other times I just fixate on my feelings of isolation and loneliness. I think about what I have and then I think about what I don’t. I want to be around people and I don’t want to be around people. I want to do new things and I want to do nothing. It’s frustrating. When I get like this it’s always an external source that pulls me out of my internal lockdown. Sometimes that external source is completely unaware they’ve helped me shake the doldrums. Even I don’t always know when that catalyst pulls me out. Sometimes I find myself in a great mood again and I reflect and think oh, this must have been it.
The point is I need something new. Preferably it would be a lady I could go gaga for, but it could also mean a new hobby, a new friend or perhaps even a drastic change. The loneliness is a bit overwhelming. I mean, I have some cool friends and I always have a good time when we hang out but I want someone who is involved in my life almost daily. You know, someone to exchange emails and calls with on days when we can’t see each other. I want someone to talk about life with, to have dinner with, to laugh with and share everything with. I get little tastes of it with a few of my friends and all it does is make me want it more. I really want to date someone seriously again and I want that person to be my best friend, if not my closest.
It’s the same old same old. I want someone extraordinary and either I can’t find her or if I do she doesn’t want me and then those who do want me don’t interest me because they aren’t what I believe to be extraordinary. I’m always dreaming, always reaching for the brightest star and I can’t do it any other way. My depth of love and caring and giving is deeper than most. I feel like I can give someone tons and all I want is someone who can give to me what I can give to them. I feel like it can be impossible at times like this. So anyway, that would be a change that would turn everything around. I would be able to entertain my daily routine with a smile again or lay the groundwork for a new routine also with a smile.
I love Buffalo. It is my home. Maybe I’m biased but I feel like it is so much more beautiful and vibrant than people think but I’m actually thinking about what life could be like somewhere else. I’ve been banging my head into a wall trying to find some important things for a few decades now and I begin to wonder… will I ever find those things here? Maybe I should try looking for those things somewhere else before it’s too late. I don’t have the same baggage tying me down like I did 5 years ago when my mom and sister were absolutely dependent on me. I’m not one who has talked about leaving before and I’m not one to make a spontaneous move of that magnitude but I’m walking around these days singing “Is That All There Is” to myself and I’m wondering if it’s more than a song.
Well now I am back and I plan to blog semi-regularly again. I need to do it because I hate being quiet when there’s a perceived injustice out there and more than that when I go through rough times the best way for me to purge my system of negative thoughts and emotions is to let them out. Blogging has become a necessary release for me and unlike keeping a simple journal, posting my thoughts, opinions and ideas online gives me the occasional chance to get feedback on them, which is sometimes very helpful although admittedly I do have to watch my words as well.
During this week there’s been something gnawing away at me. Actually I think it started last week but I’m really feeling it this week. I don’t know if I just have a nasty case of the winter blues but I am really hating my life lately. I’m terribly bored and I feel like I need some sparks to get to the fires burning inside of me again. That’s part of the reason why I’m writing. I’m trying to be proactive. I’m trying to create some sparks.
Maybe this happens every winter but right now I’m sick and tired of everything. I’m certainly sick of the weather but it’s more than that. I’m sick of the same old food. I’m sick of the same old job. I’m sick of talking to the people at work. I’m sick of my same old clothes. I’m sick of the same old empty apartment. Yeah, that’s the one. I’m very lonely. It’s not a surprise being that I haven’t had a really serious relationship in about 8 years and it’s also not a surprise considering I am an INFJ personality.
“INFJs also need to be wary of becoming overly absorbed in their moods and emotions, tempering their romantic ideals and fantasies with committed action in the outside world. Though self-concern and self-analysis have their place, if comprising the sole focus, INFJs can start to feel isolated, lonely, and disconnected from the sources of meaning and vitality outside themselves.”
I’m trying not to get completely absorbed in my emotions but its difficult because that’s all there is. I go out once or twice a week with friends and I have a good time but those other times I just fixate on my feelings of isolation and loneliness. I think about what I have and then I think about what I don’t. I want to be around people and I don’t want to be around people. I want to do new things and I want to do nothing. It’s frustrating. When I get like this it’s always an external source that pulls me out of my internal lockdown. Sometimes that external source is completely unaware they’ve helped me shake the doldrums. Even I don’t always know when that catalyst pulls me out. Sometimes I find myself in a great mood again and I reflect and think oh, this must have been it.
The point is I need something new. Preferably it would be a lady I could go gaga for, but it could also mean a new hobby, a new friend or perhaps even a drastic change. The loneliness is a bit overwhelming. I mean, I have some cool friends and I always have a good time when we hang out but I want someone who is involved in my life almost daily. You know, someone to exchange emails and calls with on days when we can’t see each other. I want someone to talk about life with, to have dinner with, to laugh with and share everything with. I get little tastes of it with a few of my friends and all it does is make me want it more. I really want to date someone seriously again and I want that person to be my best friend, if not my closest.
It’s the same old same old. I want someone extraordinary and either I can’t find her or if I do she doesn’t want me and then those who do want me don’t interest me because they aren’t what I believe to be extraordinary. I’m always dreaming, always reaching for the brightest star and I can’t do it any other way. My depth of love and caring and giving is deeper than most. I feel like I can give someone tons and all I want is someone who can give to me what I can give to them. I feel like it can be impossible at times like this. So anyway, that would be a change that would turn everything around. I would be able to entertain my daily routine with a smile again or lay the groundwork for a new routine also with a smile.
I love Buffalo. It is my home. Maybe I’m biased but I feel like it is so much more beautiful and vibrant than people think but I’m actually thinking about what life could be like somewhere else. I’ve been banging my head into a wall trying to find some important things for a few decades now and I begin to wonder… will I ever find those things here? Maybe I should try looking for those things somewhere else before it’s too late. I don’t have the same baggage tying me down like I did 5 years ago when my mom and sister were absolutely dependent on me. I’m not one who has talked about leaving before and I’m not one to make a spontaneous move of that magnitude but I’m walking around these days singing “Is That All There Is” to myself and I’m wondering if it’s more than a song.
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